Untouched

26. Thursday/ Regret-day

I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but I can't stop myself from making a mental checklist of whether my decision to reject the Techie offer was correct or wrong.

My parent's putting on a brave front this morning and telling me they'll always love and support me; correct decision.

The chance of being involved in pathogen research; wrong decision.

I have no real knowledge of what life would be like in the Techie settlement; correct decision.

Suki's hilarious speech on how our actions can have a long-lasting impact on our prospects within the settlement, which was definitely aimed at me because she cares in her own special way; correct decision.

Waiting on the dirt road, everyone else has started walking home. The bell for The Techies is about to go any minute now. Suki is hovering around, bouncing uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

'What's the appeal? You know, apart from the obvious?' She asks.

'It's not like that,' I mutter. Or it wasn't, not at the beginning.

'Well, what exactly is it like? Because Axel has...' Suki hesitates.

'Axel has what?' I say stiffly.

'He kind of suggested you'd possibly been meeting up with him in the woods. I know you wouldn't be stupid enough to go alone into the woods with a Techie because...' Suki stops mid-sentence.

I really need to learn how to lie or at least control my facial expressions.

A low hiss escapes Suki's lips. 'Kit!'

'He was helping me with the animal houses. You know, filling in for the original person who decided to pull out of the project,' I say flatly.

'You said you weren't mad at me about that.' 

'I'm not, but my parents made me promise I wouldn't go into the woods alone. Zach offered to accompany me.' I shrug.

'Why didn't you tell me earlier?' Suki sulks. I should have, she's meant to be my best friend. I guess things change.

I've changed.

'It never seemed like the right time,' I reply.

Suki continues to fidget. She wants to leave and catch up with the others.

I sigh. 'You don't have to wait for me. I'll see you back at the settlement.'

Suki's gaze flicks between me and our friends; the distance they've gained is already significant. She doesn't want to be seen with a Techie, and she's insulted by my lack of confiding in her but she's being a good friend. She doesn't want to leave me alone with Zach in case he tries to corrupt me or taint me with his touch.

She's too late.

'Go on. I'll catch up with you.' I shuffle on my crutches, trying to ease the cramp in my hands.

She looks unconvinced but nods. 'Don't be too long otherwise, you're going to have to deal with more than people gossiping. The Council will get involved, and they won't be accepting of the whole situation.'

It's true. In some ways, it would have been better to pretend to everyone I was studying at school and undertaking extra assignments. That way me and Zach would have more time without interference. I could have delayed the council waiting for me to make a mistake and break a rule. Yet, I'm glad it's out in the open. This way means there are less lies.

The school is emptying and I try to distract myself watching the Techies exit the school and head towards their settlement. Observing their ease with each other, arms slung around necks, arms linked, hands held; I can't help cringe at their overfriendliness but I also long for such closeness. Life would be a lot easier. Would me and Suki be better friends and less reserved? Maybe, me and Mattan wouldn't be so close if I had been allowed to be more tactile with my peers?