Untouched

18. Monday/ I'm a potential mass murderer-day

My eyes are heavy and scratchy, the inside of my lids have turned to sandpaper so every blink painfully grates.

I'm so tired.

Last night's sleep was disrupted by nightmares of rotten corpses, piles of them towering high but this time their faces were recognisable: Alma, my parents, Mattan, Zach, Suki and Axel. I awoke hot and sticky, my heart palpitating with the vivid morbid scenes haunting my mind so I was unable to go back to sleep.

Sitting in my last lesson of the day, I can't follow Jenna's words. This is no longer my favourite subject. The topic of pathogens is the last thing I want to study. Jenna is currently explaining the science behind Virulence's ability to infect a range of animals, it's effective adaptations allowing it to survive for longer periods of time than any other known pathogen. If I were superstitious, I would see this lesson as an ominous sign.

The only thing I will have learnt by the end of this lesson is I'm superstitious.

My friends sit around the room, all focussed on Jenna. However, the number of friends I have is slowly dwindling. Seb hasn't spoken to me in a week. Axel is ignoring me too. He's redirected all his attention to Brielle who seems genuinely flattered.

Poor girl.

During our walk to school and at break time, I had to restrain myself from blurting out what he tried to do yesterday to warn her. She should be safe, she doesn't sneak off to the woods; doesn't put herself at risk by going to secluded places. I do all those things. Yet, that doesn't give him the right to try and force himself on me. What happened is not my fault. Is it?

We're dismissed when the bell sounds for the end of the day. I exit the class and linger in the hallway, gesturing at Suki to wait behind.

'What's up?' Suki says, approaching me.

'I'm going to stay behind for a bit and do some extra studying,' I say.

'I don't think that's a good idea, Kit. You shouldn't walk back by yourself. You never know when they'll be another attack by Drifters.' Suki frowns with concern.

'I'll be fine,' I say.

She glances over her shoulder at our friends who are at the end of the hall. The bell for the Techies will go soon, and she doesn't want to get trapped or worse, touched. 'I don't know why you bother, most of what we learn here isn't going to be useful in the future.'

It's true. Most of what we learn here is useless for a lifetime spent tending to fields or working in carpentry. However, I enjoy learning and discovering new knowledge simply for the sake of it, something Suki has never understood.

'Suki!' Seb calls out impatiently from the end of hallway.

Suki looks between the two of us undecided, wavering between wanting to offer to stay with me and wanting to be with Seb.

'Go. Seriously, I'll be fine, Suki.' I gesture at her to go.

Suki nods in relief and waves briefly as she rushes off to catch up with Seb. He snaps at her, but I can't hear the words. I really hope she'll be happy with him. Suki deserves real love. We all do.

In the school library, I'm sat in the same corner as before, tucked away next to a computer I can't use. Looking out at the empty yard, I remember the terrified look on Hope's face as she was dragged away. My mind goes over all her possible outcomes, none of which are happy and safe.

The second bell rings. In the corridor groups of Techies walk past. They jostle each other or have their arms linked, they look at ease and I suddenly envy their freedom. I've never felt it before but in the past, I had that sort of familiarity with Mattan. Now, that luxury has been taken from us.