Untouched

41. Day Forty-Seven

'Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here, Even if it takes all night or a hundred years. Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near. Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear...'
(Lovely, Billie Eilish and Khalid)

I've taken two naps, eaten all my food, listened to a ridiculous amount of music and walked for too many fake kilometres.

My body aches from the exercise but the lethargy I've experienced since arriving here is fading. And for the first time, I feel clear-headed.

The door opens and I know it will be Ben. I jump up and walk towards him which he looks pleased about.

Don't get excited, I'm not getting up because I'm happy to see you. I'm looking at the hallway, to plan my escape.

Beyond the door is an endless wall of grey with no end in sight. There is a distinct smell, it's faint but the fumes fill my nose and lungs, corroding my insides as I inhale.

The door closes preventing me from seeing anything else. All I'm left with is the lingering smell, sharp and harsh. I've smelt it before but not at home, at school. It's a Techie smell, artificial cleanliness.

'I brought some extra food. I thought you might be hungry seeing as you've walked so much today.' Ben unloads food onto a counter.

How do you know how much I walked?

Ben smiles. 'There's a tracker on your treadmill. We need to monitor your energy expenditure, so we can provide the correct quantity of food and nutritional content. We wouldn't want you to get ill because we were over or underfeeding you.'

'No, we wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize your precious research,' I mutter, walking away from the closed door.

Ben ignores my comment and places two containers in the microwave while I sit on the floor by the window. It's my favourite spot.

The sun disappears in the distance, illuminating the landscape in a beautiful red-orange glow and filling the sky with purple streaks.

The naturalist settlement looks peaceful. I miss it. I miss my family, the smell of our cabin, the rustling sound of the leaves, the space.

What are my parents and Mattan doing now? Do they miss me?

The microwave beeps and Ben retrieves two dishes. He places one of the containers, with a spoon, in front of me and positions himself on the floor opposite. He stirs his food slowly before taking a mouthful. We've never eaten together before. It feels awkward.

I've only ever eaten with my parents and Mattan. There was one time with Zach, but I felt comfortable with him.

I felt really comfortable with Zach.

Eating with Ben feels like we're heading into awkward territory, starting to blur the lines of our relationship. An unwanted relationship, I mean.

'You know there is a perfectly good table and chair to sit at, just there,' Ben says, pointing behind us.

'You're welcome to use it. I like the view from here. And the closer I am to the window, the more I feel like I'm out there.' I shrug while blowing a spoonful of steaming vegetable mush. 'I always thought Techies would have better food than us. That you would have developed something which makes the food taste better.'

'Making food taste better isn't a priority. Resources are directed into areas which are deemed crucial for our survival.' Ben says, poking his food absently.

'Do you really think you'll be successful at making people resistant to disease including Virulence?' I lean against the window. The cool glass penetrates my clothes, soothing my now tender muscles which are starting to stiffen from all the walking I've done on the treadmill.