Please Me (under construction)

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мerc jaĸoвѕ pov

I plastered a fake smile on my face as I sat at the head of the table. I didn't want to eat any of this food. It was going to make me fat. I let everyone serve themselves first and I fix myself a small plate. I could feel her stare on me. I've been holed up in my room or my office, for the last two weeks. I had to come out today because it's the monthly pack dinner, where everyone come together and we enjoy each other's company. I had to stay for the whole dinner or the pack will take offense. 

The dinner started five minutes ago and I wanted to run back into my dark room. I didn't want people looking at me and asking how I am. I still had the same fake smile on my face as I listen to an elder talk about her grandchild. She sounded proud of him, but no matter how hard I tried to focus on her words I couldn't. My head was spinning and I could feel the familiar feeling of hopelessness. I looked around timidly and see that everyone is focused on their own thing and I let out a deep breath. My wolf was on the verge of having a panic attack and I had to calm him down before it transferred to me. "Please calm down Xerxes." I begged him silently. He was slowly calming at my voice. 

My chest stopped squeezing and I let go of my shirt that was bunched in my hand and rubbed my chest. "I'm sorry Merc. I just don't like big crowds." I nodded in understanding and continued to console him. After, dinner I usually go into the forest and spend the rest of my night there when I am able to slip away. When the dinner was over I helped the maids clean up the table and helped them clean the kitchen before making my way outside. I look both ways and saw the coast was clear. I usually stayed out here until sunrise, but I had paperwork to do so it would be no later than twelve, leaving me four hours of peace and quiet. I shifted into my wolf and ran until I couldn't anymore. My paws were bleeding so I sat on the forest floor and cleaned my paws. I had an hour before I had to go and I ran the forest once again. 

I made my way back to my room and pulled the key from my pocket and unlocked my door. She sat on my bed and I sighed heavily. "How did you get in my room?" I asked in a calm voice. 

"Door was open." She said. I cursed under my breath and almost banged my head against the door. 

"Do you need something, Alpha Aslina? I have important work to attend to." I said in an impatient tone. She stalked towards me and I backed away from her. I wasn't going to make a repeat of what happened a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't want me. She doesn't need me. I disgust her. 

"Yes, I do. Why don't you sleep? Why don't you eat?" She asked in a concern voice, but I knew it was fake concern. Why would she care about what I do?

"I don't see how that is any of your business." I snapped at her and dragged her towards the door by her arm. "Don't come back or next time you won't like me. We have already establish that you don't like me. I've accepted that and I would like for you to stop intruding my space. I don't need you checking up on me as if I am a small child. I can take care of myself just fine."

"Yea, sure you can. Is that why you starve yourself? Is that why you never sleep because you can take care of yourself just fine?!" She screamed at me and I shrunk into myself. "If you want to be treated as an adult act like one."

"Why do you even care?" I whispered and when I was met with silenced, I look up at her with tear filled eyes and smiled tightly. "Exactly." Then I shut my door and locked it. I ignored her banging and made my way to the shower. I looked into the mirror and sighed in disgust. I look disgusting, no wonder she doesn't want me. She wants someone fit, not someone fat.

"I'm sorry you're stuck with me as your human, Xerxes." I mumbled sadly. Xerxes looked up from his sleepy state when he heard his name and gave me a wolfy grin before going back to sleep. I laughed quietly at his silliness. I enjoyed my solitude with my wolf. Why should I bother anyone with my annoying presence? All it's going to do is cause them to be more upset, so I stay to myself. 

I laid in my bed, forgetting about my paperwork. I turned on my T.V. and see that Scooby- Doo is on and I watch it intensely, jumping at the scary scenes.  I managed to regress and I fell asleep, wishing I didn't. 

When I woke up my body was trembling and I was clutching my blanket tightly. My eyes were wide and my body ready for an attack. "He's not here. We killed him, Merc." Xerxes reassured me. I nodded my head slowly calming down.

"Are you okay, Alpha Jakobs?" She asked and I jumped in fright.

"Yes, I am." I replied and an awkward silence settled over us. She made her way over to my bed and climbed in beside me. I was getting ready to get up and move somewhere else when she grabbed onto me. My eyes widen and I looked at her in confusion. "What?"

"Lay with me." She demanded and I almost gave in. Almost.

"That's not a good idea. Is your bed not comfortable enough for you?" I asked. I was stressing out.

"Yes, it's missing someone." She said and my heart dropped to my stomach. This was because she's lonely.

"W-who?" I whispered on the verge of tears.

"You." She said and touched my face. I leaned into her hand. I need her. 

"I'm sorry you have me as your mate. I'm sorry that you are stuck with someone like me." I apologized to her and laid my head on her bare chest. The skin on skin contact had me humming in delight.

"I wouldn't want anyone else as my mate." She said as her finger's ran through my hair. I gripped her tighter, knowing that she's saying this to protect my feelings, but I played along. I was lulled to sleep and I gently sucked on her collar bone as I drifted off. 

"I'm so sorry, Mi Reina." I whispered before drifting off.