Please Me (under construction)

ғιғтeen

мerc jaĸoвѕ pov

They were like every other mated couple out there. They clung to each other. They were always together and it was getting to me. I would see the disgusted looks they would throw my way and it hurt me alot but I didn't show it. I kept on smiling. I kept up the 'Alpha' front. Sometimes, when I felt it was safe enough, I would sleep in the woods and sneak back in before anyone can question where I've been. My wolf has shut me out and I will hear his cries and whimpers and it breaks my heart. I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming at myself for being stupid. I can never do the right thing. I can never make anyone happy. The one being that has been with me since birth doesn't even want to talk to me anymore because I ruined his chance at having a mate.

I laid in the snow waiting for them to finish up with their Christmas dinner. I couldn't be around them and not breakdown. Everyone is so excited for Christmas but me. Why should I? To celebrate the day I killed my parents? To boast about how I have no one left? To let people see that I'm all alone and that I fucked up so many times? To have them laugh and judge me? I don't celebrate holidays. Holidays are for people who have someone to share it with and I have no one. I don't mind though. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy having no one to talk to and ask questions that I don't know the answers too. I am fine by myself, always have been and always will be. I'm meant to be alone and I've accepted that.

I looked up at the sky. The stars were so bright and the moon was blood red. It looked picturesque and I wished I brought out my camera to take the photo. This was how every holiday has been since the death of my parents and it's the only day I can really relax and not worry about someone catching me flooding my face in tears of guilt. I have two very strong, very important Alphas at my house that I trust will protect my pack better than I ever will and that puts my mind at ease. I took out my phone and watched some TV. I'll be out here all night and when morning comes, I'll head inside, take a shower, then I'll head into the city where no one knows me and hang out there until night fall before sleeping in the woods. I'll be sleeping out here for the next four days because Christmas is a big deal in the wolf world. This is the day the Moon Goddess got her status and created her first wolf. 

The Moon Goddess is a nice lady, but she pushes too hard. She doesn't understand that I don't want to be alive. That I want to die, but she won't let me succeed in killing myself. I've never been one to ask for things. All I've asked for her was to send my parents back and to let me die and not one of my request has been fulfilled. If she was to choose one, I hope it would be the one where she lets me die. I'm so tired of feeling this pain that I cause myself. I'm tired of trying to appear happy and healthy. I'm tired of being strong. I just want someone to hold me, to love me. I just want one person who can get rid of all the terrible things that plague s my mind. I feel so utterly helpless. I turn to lay on my side and I will myself to not cry out from the pins and needles that shot through my body. 

I love the woods. I can spend days, weeks, months, in here and never get tired of it. When my dad was here we went camping every two weeks on Friday and we'd stay up late and tell 'scary' stories. My mom would call every five seconds even though we were technically in the backyard. She hated us going out there. My mum ran the house. My dad submitted to her willingly and they loved each other so much. I always vowed to have a relationship like my parents, but it'll never happen. It's illegal to mate with someone else. You can't impregnate someone who isn't your mate. I felt hot. My insides felt as if it was on fire and I cursed in realization of what that means. My heat has started. My heart pounds in my ears and I stand up on shaky legs. I need to go to my room. I moaned at the tingling sensation that ran through me and pressed my hands against my growing erection. It was like I'm always on the verge of cumming but as soon as I'm getting ready to let go it goes away. 

I ran towards the house, ignoring the tingling of my legs. I can't believe I forgot about it. My dick was leaking by now and I can feel my wolf's desperation to get fucked harshly. I moaned at the sight of Jenifer fucking me roughly and I wanted to scream in frustration. No matter what I do my dick wouldn't stop leaking, begging for Jenifer. Begging for her to use it as she pleased. My nipples were rock hard and sensitive. When I finally reached the door I ran up the stairs ignoring the happy laughter and joyus singing of everyone around me. I heard her voice and I bit my lip to stop from letting the moan slip out of my mouth. I slammed and locked my door and hurriedly undressed before starting the water. No matter how many times I jerk off it will not go away. 

I needed my mate.