Most of us are hurting
Most of us are searching
Someone to love
Someone to understand
Most the time I'm fighting
Multiple voices residing
In my head
Then there's you
You bring silence to my violent truth
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"You know my name, and oh how you walk with me, and oh how you talk with me, and oh how you tell me, that I am your own." I heard, as I walked into my grandmas church.
I was tired of being home, depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I missed my baby so much and even with Raegan around, I still felt empty. So I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'd get up and go to church.
I opened the church doors, walking hand in hand with Raegan since Keraun was away for his job. I spotted my grandmother in the front, standing up and clapping her hands. I walked towards her, and sat Raegan down before tapping her shoulder.
"You finally came." She said, pulling me in for a hug. "Come here princess." Raegan stood up with a cheesy smile and hugged her.
Raegan walked over towards the little kids but before she did, I let her know that she needed to be on her best behavior. I know how kids be at church, screaming over the loud music, laughing at people who catch the Holy Ghost and playing around. I'd rather it be me who checked her for her behavior instead of another church member because I didn't need one of the mothers telling me to watch my child.
I stood beside my grandmother and listened to kerauns mother sing, "you know my name." I hadn't been to church in so long and now that I'm in turmoil I just need some spiritual healing. I swayed side to side with my grandmother, letting her voice mesmerize me.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"God we honor you today. Your my comfort, my joy, my strength. Nobody is above you." She began speaking in tongues, and the church was filled with an all high praise. "I said, no fire can defeat me, no giant can stop me, why, because you hold my hand." She said, over and over again, until the song ended.
The pastor began her sermon and throughout it all I felt like the message was towards me.
"Girl get up, girl get up, girl get up again. Girl, depression has to let you go. Girl, anxiety has to loose its hold. Girl get up, I'm begging for you to get up. I'm pleading for you to get up. My daughter needs to see you get up. My sister needs to see you get up. My generation needs to see a woman, get up again." She preached, as I stood up waving my hands in the air.
I needed to get up, I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and live my life without thinking about how others felt about.
"If any of you are in need of prayer, come to the prayer line now, whatever you're going through is only for a season. Whatever you're need of, stability, financial gain, anything, come to the prayer line and we will pray for you." She said
People walked towards the prayer line, standing beside each other hand and hand and I stood, watching, even though I knew I was in need of prayer.
"Girl you better get in that line." My grandmother said, I hesitantly walked down the stairs that led to the prayer line and stood towards the end as I watched people shout and cry as the pastor prayed into their ears.
Soon she reached me, and placed her hand on my shoulder sending tingles down my spine. "What are you in need of prayer for.?" She asked and I replied 'healing'. She pulled my body towards me and began praying into my ear,
"Heavenly Father, I call on you right now in a special way. It is through your power that this woman was created. Every breath she takes, every morning she awakes , and every moment of every hour, she lives under your power.
Father, I ask you now to touch her with that same power. For if you created her from nothing, you can certainly recreate her. Fill her with the healing power of your spirit. Cast out anything that should not be in her. Mend what is broken. Root out any unproductive cells. Open any blocked arteries or veins and rebuild any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection whether it be from disease or family members. Lord God, let the warmth of your healing love pass through her body so that she will function the way you created her to function. Father, restore her to full health in mind and body so that she may serve you the rest of my life. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen."
After her prayer, my head was rested on her shoulder as she rubbed my back. "You will get up again, you will get up again." She whispered, as she released me from her everlasting hug. I nodded my head, wiping my eyes as I walked back to my grandmother.
"Now we will have sister tamela come here to send everyone off with one last praise and worship." My grandmother stood, carrying Raegan with her towards the stage.
"Hello church, I have a little testimony to share with you all. I've been gone for some years and now I'm back in my home church and nothing feels better than praising the lord with your family and friends." She said, causing the church members to shout out 'amen' and 'hallelujah'.
"My granddaughter has been through a lot these past months and years and I'm happy to say she decided to come back home to church with my great grand today to get closer to god and find some type of healing." She said, and I looked up at her confused.
"So instead of me singing today, I'm gonna have her come up here and sing a song of her choice." My face scrunched up as mama T gave me a little shove towards the front
It was one thing to sing by myself, for my kids, even on live because it was either around people I knew or me by myself but being put on the spot to sing in front of all these people was nerve wracking and I didn't even know what I was going to sing .
I walked towards my grandmother and she gave me a kiss on my cheek before walking away with Raegan who was asleep.
I stood there, wishing Keraun could be here to comfort me or even just seeing his face would've calmed me down but he wasn't here.
I closed my eyes, and grabbed the microphone before singing the first thing that came into my mind.
Play song in mm
"Sometimes it feels cold And you feel all alone But hold on, better days are coming It can be rough in this world I know it ain't easy but hang on in there Because better days are coming You seen good, you seen bad You been happy and sad But just remember that better days Better days are coming Friends will leave you all by yourself But don't you cry 'Cause better days are coming, Better days (better days) Better days Better days are coming It's only a season That you're going through But stay focused and never lose sight I know people, people They don't see the hurt you feel inside But keep on smiling everything will be alright Better days Better days Better days are coming."
The church began to clap their hands as I finally opened my eyes. And despite everything that has happened to me, I felt like better days were coming
