That night of ours. Book 2

Chapter 16

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"How was your winter break?" Carla asks as we clean more portraits. "It was okay." But devastating actually. She starts talking about hers with her family in Hawaii. I am kinda of not listening. My mind is somewhere else. It has been 3 weeks since I left Shawn on tour alone. He hasn't stopped calling or texting. I just ignore it. Even though it hurts so badly. "Bye Carla." I say as we finished work and I walk outside the gallery. I walk as the spring breeze tickles my face. I see a white jeep. He is standing there. He is wearing a pair of black jeans with a maroon sweatshirt. He looks at me. I can't bare looking at him. It hurts. I just walk the other way as if I didn't see him. "Toni!" I hear his voice. It feels broken and hurt. I walk faster. I can hear him behind me. Calling my name. We reach my house. "Stop ignoring me!" I can feel him grab my arm to stop me, to make me look at him. It looks like he haven't shaved in a while and that he wasn't having much sleep. His eyes were puffy and red. "Let me go!" I say as I struggle to get my arm loosened. "No! Not until you hear me!" He says. His voice is full of pain. It makes me feel guilty. That I did this. I made him feel this way now and years ago. I am the one who broke him. But... I can't let him destroy his life for me. I just can't do it. "No! I don't wanna hear you! I don't wanna see you anymore! Just leave me alone, okay?!" I yell at him. I try as much as I can to keep my voice steady. He lets my arm go. "Just leave! I don't wanna see your face ever again!" I yell at him even harder struggling so my voice won't break down. "But..." He says as his voice breaks down. I turn my back to him and walk to the apartment. I get in and shut the door in his face. "What did I do?? Why did you leave me? Did I hurt you? Please, answer me Toni! Please!" I can hear him sob behind the door. I start to cry as well. "I am sorry. I am so sorry." I whisper as I cry harder.

I wake up behind the door of my apartment. I get up. I open the door and he's gone. I close the door again. I walk to the bathroom. I get under the shower. I let cold water fall on my body. I can't feel it tho. I can't feel anything anymore. It is like I have died. I actually realized how many times I died. One time when my parents divorced and another when Justin died and another when dad died and the last and worst one is when I broke him. When I broke Shawn. I get out of the shower. I grab a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt. I just tie my wet hair in a ponytail. I walk to work. The street is full of kids going to school. Men and women going to work. I enter the gallery. Carla is not here yet. I start cleaning shelfs and paintings. "Good morning. You're here early!" I hear her voice. "What happened yesterday with that guy? I heard you guys as I got into my car." She says. I am not looking at her. I keep on focusing on whatever I am doing. I don't wanna remember what happened yesterday. Even though I didn't even forget. "It was nothing really." I lie as I look at her and give her a week smile. "Okay." She says as she struggle her arms. She starts talking again about her happy life and kids. I don't envy her. I just wish if  she can stop talking for a second.

A month passed since the last time I saw Shawn. Tina called a week a ago saying that she finally finished her finals. She said that Michel and her will visit right after he finishes his finals. She also told me she got accepted for LA's college. I feel happy for her. I also heard that Evan got married. Tina told me that the women is nice but she likes me better. Which makes me feel better. I try not to think much of Shawn. I don't get much sleep. I just go to work. I thought I could take a break for a while. Which I did last week. I wake up on a knock on the door. I struggle as I get out of my blankets. I walk to the door. I open to see Andrew standing before me. He looks up at me. "Whoa! You look...bad." He says. I walk to let him in. I get to the kitchen to make us both coffee. He takes a seat on the table in the kitchen. "So...there is a problem." He says as I hand him his mug. I sit in front of him. It was the first time Andrew ever visited me here in my apartment. "What's wrong?" I ask as I take a sip from my mug. "It is Shawn." He says. Shawn?!! What happened to him? "What happened? Is he okay??" I say as I put the mug on the table. "Yeah yeah. He is fine. It is just.... he left work. A month ago. I thought maybe he was taking a vacation or something. But, when I went to his parents house to talk to him. He told me he doesn't wanna come back. And that he have had enough. Did something happen?" He says. I just watch him talk. It happened what I was most afraid of happened.