That night of ours. Book 2

Chapter 18

••kindly put on your playlist (it is not a song. A little effect for the chapter)••••••••••••
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"I told you I don't wanna talk to anyone. Leave me alone!" I hear his voice. But, it is not Shawn's voice that I know. It is someone else. A broken person. I open the door. "I told you to leave me—Toni?" He says as he looks at me. He looks terrible. Much more terrible than last time. His eyes are so puffy and red and full of tears. He is wearing a black sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants. He gets up. He wipes the tears that were resting on his cheeks with his hands. "Hey." I say in a really low voice. "What? Andrew brought you, didn't he?!" He says and his voice is hard. "Where is he?!" He start to raise his voice. "Can you please calm down, Shawn?" I say in a soft voice. "Calm down?! Fucking calm down?! Are fucking kidding me?! I fucking pleaded you to tell what the fuck did I do wrong?! You didn't fucking tell me! Why? Why didn't you fucking tell me?!" He yells at me. He is holding both my arms hard. It hurts. I kinda deserve it. My eyes start to water. "Don't you fucking dare cry! I am the one who should fucking cry!!" He says as he shakes me hard. "Shawn please!" I sob. My arms are killing me. But, I am not crying because of them. I crying because I did this. I am the reason he is like this I deserve it. All of it. He lets go off my arms. "I just don't understand! Why, Toni?! Why are you doing this?! What the fuck is wrong with me? That made you do this?!" He is yelling but he is crying at the same time. It seems like a sob. "There is nothing wrong with you! It is all me. I lied okay! I lied when I told you 10 years ago that I had to go. I lied when I told you 1 month ago that I don't wanna see you again. I lied because I love you and I am scared! I am scared that we won't work out!" I cry. He is looking at me. "Just go back to work. Forgot me!" I say as I wipe my tears. I turn to go. "Is that all? Is that why you came?!" I hear him say. As I turn to look at him, I could feel him lips touching mine. Kissing them hard. I kiss him back. I can't help myself. I miss him. I really do. His hands find there way under my blouse. His cold hands are giving me shivers down my spin. My hands are in his hair. We pull apart. "Stop! No! We can't. I can't." I say as I walk away from him. "Come on, Toni. Please. I miss you." He says as he walk in for another kiss. I walk to the door. "Just go back to work, Shawn. Live your life like you've never met me." I say as I go down the stairs. I hear him behind me. "But, I did meet you! I can't just do that!" He says as I open the door and walk out. It is raining. It is raining on a fucking spring day! "Can't you understand?! I loved you since that day I saw you enter that room in the tour bus. That is why I fucking teased you all the time!" He says. Rain is falling on his face. He is wet. "Don't ignore me again!" He shouts at me. I turn to look at him. "Leave! go! Your life is better without me anyways!" I shout as I push him. He goes like 3 steps to the back. "You're wrong! My life became better with you in it!" He shouts. "All I did was hurt you! I only caused you pain. I am sorry! Just go back to work, please!" I shout. The rain is so heavy we are both socked. I turn my back on him and walk to Andrew's car. He stands in my way for the door. "No! You will not leave! I can't live without you!" He shouts. I turn and start to run. "Toni! Come back!!!" I hear him shout as I run.