You're Crazy

Chapter Thirty One

Well, here you go! The one where stuff is explained. I seriously hope this doesn't suck. I'm kind of frightened that it does. ahhhh, I hope you like it!! Also, it's not really been proof read so I apologise:( 

Also! Watch the video at the side - the song is exactly why Ev (and all of us!) love Nath...plus he's really hot in it;) Enjoy x) 

***Evanna’s POV***

I’m greedy.

It was difficult to admit to myself, but after a few hours with nothing but my thoughts for company, I’d come to that realisation. That recently I’ve become greedy.

After I’d run away from my flat earlier on, I’d wandered aimlessly. Until I arrived at the Thames Barrier Gates. It was dark now, and an eerie silence surrounded me.  I was sitting on the wall, with the deep water to my right side, thinking. It would be so easy for me to just lean over and tumble into the deep water, let the dark tide carry me away. Then I could bring my head to the surface and I’d be in France with a 13 year old Charlie waiting for me by the pier. I could be anywhere really.

But as I had sat all alone, I realised I’d gone from having so little, to so much, so quickly, that it had all gone straight to my head. And I ended up greedy. Things have been so perfect between Nathan and I lately that I had just grown accustomed to it and greedily thought it would always stay that way. I always thought of myself as being a foster kid. When the truth was I haven’t lived there in 11 years. I always thought of myself as having nothing. When I actually had more than I have ever done. I felt like I had betrayed the 5 year old me, who was delighted over a rusty swing.

In an instant, I knew what I had to do. Not be greedy. I had been getting all the attention from Nathan, we never focussed on him. And here I was doing it again, waiting for him to come to me. Well, no more. My greedy days were behind me. I was going to be myself. Completely myself. And that meant telling Nathan the truth.

I jumped off the wall, and took two busses to Nathan’s house, smiling at the strange lady who sat in front of me and thanking the bus drivers. When I arrived at the door, guilt swelled up inside me as well as fear. What if he didn’t want to hear the truth? What if he was done with me? I wasn’t exactly easy going.  I ignored my nerves and pressed the doorbell. Jay greeted me, his curls all flattened on one side of his head and eating a sandwich with his mouth open. He looked pleasantly surprised to see me.

“Is Nathan here?” My voice was high and stiff, like I was talking to a stranger. 

“Yeah, he’s in his room.” Jay nodded then paused and eyed me accusingly “Why do you want to know?”

“I need to speak with him.”

“Look,” Jay sighed, his shoulders heaving up as he did so “I don’t know what happened earlier between you two. But Nath’s been in a bad way ever since.” I winced, not wanting to hear about the pain I had caused Nathan. I just needed to explain. “So, if it’s bad news, it can wait.” Jay finished firmly. I could tell he felt uncomfortable being so brutal with me but it was obvious he only wanted the best for his friend.

“It can’t wait.” I whispered, widening my eyes pleasingly.

“Fine,” Jay rolled his eyes and stepped away “Go on up. I hope things work out, Ev.” He added affectionately.

“Thanks!” I muttered as I turned and silently padded up the stairs, my hearth threatening to explode from my chest.

I tapped on the door and waited. “Yeah? It’s open.” Someone muttered from inside the room. I pushed the door open gently and stood waiting in the doorway, upset at the way Nathan looked. He was wearing the same clothes are earlier on. He sat on his bed facing the wall, his feet firmly planted on the carpet. When I remained silent, he turned slightly to see who it was. His eyes widened when he realised it was me and he was on his feet in an instant. He mashed his lips into a line and opened his green eyes widely, his face determinately expressionless.