The secret within

35. One of them days

January 5, 2017.
3:45pm.

• • •

"Why the hell you look so down? And where is my niece?" Josh frowned while Alondra stood there looking like she was about to cry. "And I thought I was meeting you downstairs." He said and she just hugged him tightly unable to hold her cries in any longer. "It's one of them days? Let's go sit for a minute." He walked with her into his room.

Today was one of those days her bipolar disorder made her sad and not want to be around anyone or do anything. She didn't know why she felt the way she did, she just felt stuck and like she was a zombie and no one understood this mood but josh since she'd tried hard to fight it, but today no pills would help her and she just wanted her brother.

"Talk to me baby sis," Josh sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "But first is Aniyla somewhere safe? Let me see your arms." He quickly grabbed her arm and lifted her sleeves and let out breath he hadn't seen any cuts.

"I'm not going to kill my self, I have a daughter." She mumbled. "She's at home with her dad." She said dryly. "And I would never harm her." She assured him.

Josh' rubbed his head and sighed. "What's up? Talk to me." He sat back and spread his legs open and placed his rello, weed and lighter in his lap.

Alondra took a deep breath. "I think he's going to leave me for her, but how could I be mad? When we weren't supposed to be in the first place- why was I so stupid when I knew how much he loved her? He love the ground she walks on and I fell anyway knowing that this would happen when she woke up." She sniffled and josh looked at her.

"He told you out of his mouth he was leaving you? I mean she just woke up a few weeks ago and we both know his love wasn't just going to disappear for her-- hell he's confused. He loves two women, and don't want to hurt neither of you." Josh shrugged. "You can't push him away and then expect for him to not fall back for his wife if all you're doing is telling him what he's going to do and you switch up because you think that's what he's going to do. Don't you think you're pushing him to spend more time with her if you barely want him at your place?" He asked and she shrugged. "That's his wife, and you're his woman. There's a reason he fell for you both-- and with that reason he's holding on to her or he's holding on to you. Do you want to lose him because that's what you expect or do you want to help him through whatever he's trying to sort out?" He puffed his blunt. "He's confused, and are you willing to accept there's a chance he may want his wife back? Some shit y'all both should have thought about for when she wakes up! Y'all were moving as if she never would, now look." He blew out a breath.

Alondra let the tears fall as she listened to him. She knew he'd never sugar coat anything for her, she loved it but then at times he made so much sense it only hurt her worse then she was already hurting. "The reason I push him away is because it'll hurt less then when he finally decides." She took his blunt and smoked it.

Josh smacked his lips. "So then the fact you're crying because you don't want him to leave you? But you're pushing him to leave you?" He looked at her. "I know your bipolar but sis make sense. You either show this nigga that he's your nigga-- or you boohoo like the soft bitch we know you're not." He mugged her making her smile.

"Leave me alone I'm just confused." She pouted.

Josh laughed. "You ain't take this nigga just to give him right back did you?" He snapped his fingers. "That's yo nigga... and that's period." They both burst into laughter.

"I really wonder about you sometimes." She mumbled. "You sure you ain't sus?" She joked.

Josh laughed. "Nah the way I had Alani bent--"

"Who?" Alondra eyes bucked. "What?"

"In my dream last night- I broke her back the fuck in. Why you think I'm anxious to go see if she remember a nigga?" He lied. "Let me tell you how I imagined that pussy--"

"Keep your dreams to yourself." She laughed and shrugged it off because he'd always tell her about weird dreams he had. "Let's go though, thank you for the talk." She stood and hugged him.

_____

7:56pm.

"So we were really together before?" Alani laughed at the funny stories Josh was telling her while Alondra put lotion on her body, and placed her hair into a bonnet. "You seem so nice." She smiled.

"Yeah, we had some good times." He touched her hand and gave it a tight squeeze making her eyes shut. "I didn't mean too hurt you," He pulled away
seeing her face scrunch up.

Alondra rubbed her temples. "She's just remembering something." Alondra mumbled and continued to rub Alani's temples until she opened her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Do you remember a time-- I don't know...."Alani started. "It was something simple like me being sick in a big room-- I threw up on you and and you told me that--"

"If I didn't love you I would of made you eat that shit?" He laughed and she nodded. "That was us, you probably remembered that because you wouldn't let my hand go that whole day." He chuckled.

"What happened to us?" She sighed. "I can't remember."

Alondra cleared her throat knowing that, that could trigger her and send her into shock. "Visiting hours are over, and I'll send Cedrick back to stay the night with you." She sighed and kissed her forehead, signaling for Josh to not say anything.

"Actually.... could you stay?" Alani asked Alondra. "You're the only one I can't seem to feel a connection with-- and of you're my sister then I would like to hear stories." She smiled making Alondra smile as well.

Josh smiled and grabbed Alondra's keys- figuring he'd take her car. "Well, goodnight." He hugged Alondra and kissed her forehead, doing the same to Alani.

"I used to hate that cologne, I thought I threw it away the day I cleaned your room." Alani blurted out, making josh laugh.

"That was a while back, but I loved it and it's all I buy." He winked at her and walked out.

Alondra kicked off her shoes and sent Cedrick a quick text, making sure to tell him to tell Aniyla she loved her and she'd be home tomorrow. "I remembered something else." Alani looked up to Alondra.

"What's that?"

"Nothing-- was he... was he Alexis father?" She asked remembering an argument about a baby she couldn't quite remember fully.

Alondra burst into laughter. "Whew baby, don't say that shît out-loud because Chile." She thought about if Cedrick would have heard that. "He's definitely not." She laid in bed with her and laid her head on her shoulder.

"I love you chocolate." Alondra sighed and locked hands with her.

Alani smiled. "I love you more Caramel." Alondra looked up at her and tears rushed to her face hearing her call her by her childhood nickname.