my favorite part • chris evans (bwwm)

• thirty five •

Chris let out a frustrated sigh as he and Phoenix entered his loft. They had spent the last couple of hours at his parents' house, in to which was very awkward thanks to Phoenix telling his mom and brother that she never saw marriage in the cards for herself.

"Do you ever think before you speak?"

"Was I supposed to lie, Chris?" Phoenix questioned.

"How do you think it makes me feel when you're constantly announcing to everyone how stupid you think marriage is?"

"I never said it was stupid..."

"You know what I'm trying to say."

"I don't know what you want from me." She mumbled as Dodger sat directly in front of Chris, waiting to be petted.

"I don't want anything from you, I just want you. That's it." Chris replied before bending down to show his dog affection. "What am I doing wrong, Phoenix? Please tell me."

"You're not doing anything wrong. You're perfect."

"Apparently not. Are you not happy?"

"Of course I'm happy." Phoenix spoke while taking a large step toward Chris. He stood up immediately as she kissed him gently. "I love you."

"I love you too but there are some things we need to talk about." He frowned.

"Are you not happy?"

"I'm happy every single time you're near me but when you go off and tell everyone I know that you never want to get married, not only is it embarrassing but it really makes me sad. I think it's something you and I need to discuss."

"But every time we try to have this conversation, we both just end up disappointed and upset."

"It's still a conversation that needs to be had."

"I don't want you to have to hold off or sacrifice not having kids or getting married within a certain time frame just because of me." Phoenix blurted. "I love you too much to ever ask you to wait."

"I know you that but it's not your choice to make."

"I can't give you what you want." She breathed. "It's not fair for you to stay in this situation when I'm just not ready to compromise on such big subjects."

"Phoenix, it's not something I need an answer on right this moment." Chris told her. "I just don't want you to completely rule it out every single time. Especially not this early on."

"If two people are completely committed to each other already, why is a title or piece of paper from the state necessary?" She wondered. "Every marriage I've ever seen has gone to shit eventually. I respect the idea of marriage but the execution isn't always great."

"So you're afraid to get divorced, then?"

"I just don't think marriage is essential. A couple could buy a house together and it'd come with the same implications of being married."

"Except that they wouldn't be married." Chris reminded. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

"What's stopping you from jumping all in then? This marriage thing is just a crutch, a barrier to protect yourself from putting in all you have."

"It's not."

"It is."

Phoenix sighed, realizing exactly what it was she had to do. Chris meant the absolute world to her which is why she could never allow herself to selfishly continue in this relationship in to which her partner needed more than she was willing to compromise on. "I think we need to break up."

"Really?"

"Chris, I haven't been fair to you. You deserve so much more than I can give you."

"That's not for you to decide."

"Do you genuinely think we'll be able to work through the fact that we both want different things?" She asked. "I'm not moving to Boston; you're not moving to L.A. I don't want children, Chris. I don't. I can't force myself to want things that I never have before."

Chris cleared his throat in an attempt to get rid of the burning sensation he experienced every time he was on the verge of tears. "I suppose you're right."

"I'm sorry." Phoenix apologized while avoiding eye contact in order to prevent herself from crying as well.

"I am so grateful for you and the love we share." He spoke quietly as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. "You are an amazing person and my feelings about your character won't change just because we're no longer together. I will always love you in one way or another and I need you to know that no matter what, I'm always here for you as a friend."

At that point, Phoenix could no longer fight her tears as they began falling slowly. Because she was hiding her face in Chris's chest, he could feel the moisture of her tears through his shirt. In response, he gently ran his fingers up and down her back to be the calming force for her although he himself was torn up too.

"I love you."

"I love you more." Chris tilted her chin up so she was making eye contact with him as tears began to swell in his eyes. Slowly pressing his lips against hers, he kissed her one last time and with more urgency than ever before. He didn't understand how two people who worked seamlessly as a couple endured this fate. Phoenix was perfect for him in every way except one and unfortunately that one thing was enough to tear them apart.

"I'm so sorry." Phoenix repeated. "I have to go."

"I can't let you leave like this. I don't want you walking around the city alone, upset and crying." He spoke while gently stroking the side of her face. "You stay in my bed and I'll take you to the airport tomorrow."

"I can't st-"

"Stop." Chris cut her off firmly. "I'm not going to risk something happening to you. You can be upset but I'm not letting you leave right now."

"Fine."

"And don't even think about sneaking out in the middle of the night. Dodger is very attentive and would wake me up before you even made it to the door."

With her head still in his chest, Phoenix nodded. The fact that Chris still treated her with love and respect after she just completely shattered their relationship made her even more sad. It was impossible to be upset with a man like that; a man that loved her fearlessly all the time. It tore her up inside that she could no longer be with him but at the end of the day, she was doing what was best for him. It would've been more than selfish for Phoenix to have either lied to Chris about wanting the same things or just simply stayed in the relationship, knowing she was wasting his time. She loved him so much that she had put his own happiness above hers. Chris deserved everything but unfortunately Phoenix couldn't give it to him.

"I know you're hurting." Chris spoke quietly into her hair, disregarding his own pain to try and make Phoenix feel better. "Go get some rest. I'll be right out here if you want to talk, okay?"

"Okay."

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Again I want to thank the people who constantly vote and comment. I had basically given up on trying to finish this story before I'm going out of country (which happens to be tomorrow) but your support is what is pushing me to finish. I honestly would've stopped writing a long time ago if it wasn't for you. Thank you so very much.