my favorite part • chris evans (bwwm)

• thirty six •

"I miss him."

"I can only imagine." Tom replied empathetically while gently rubbing Phoenix's back.

"I'm so sorry I'm ruining the weekend."

"There's nothing to apologize about!" He assured. Although Tom and Phoenix made arrangements to hangout and see Hamilton in London weeks ago, he couldn't be upset about their changing plans. He just wanted to be there for his friend, who was clearly hurting. "You're not ruining anything!"

"Maybe I should just push my feelings aside again." Phoenix mumbled. For the first 2 days, she'd kept her emotions repressed, acting as if everything was normal; as if she wasn't experiencing the worst heartache she'd ever known. However, when Chris called and left her a voice message this morning, all of those feelings she thought she had contained came right back to the surface.

Hey honeyb- Phoenix. I was just calling to check up on you and make sure you were okay. I've been thinking about you a lot since you left and I uhh- I miss you. Anyways, I hope you have fun in London with Tom this weekend. Just know I'm still here if you need to talk. But I guess that's it so umm... bye.

She'd replayed that message over and over until her phone eventually died. And when all the novelties faded, all Phoenix was left with was burning pain and regret.

"Are you going to be okay going back to work next week?" Tom asked. "I've only got a few scenes in the entire movie and who even knows if they're even real considering the all fake scripts I got last time."

"I don't know." Phoenix answered honestly. "They're not releasing the entire script but from what I've seen on the schedule, it's mostly just the OG avengers and Paul Rudd."

Tom frowned at the lack of energy Phoenix used when mentioning Paul Rudd, who was pretty much her favorite person ever. This was the girl who told everyone she would 'freak the fuck out' if she ever met him yet she was too distressed to even muster up the excitement. "I hate seeing you like this, Phoenix. Lets talk about Chris. Maybe letting it all out will help you figure out your next course of action."

"I love him. I miss him. I want nothing more than to be with him."

"Well didn't you break up with him? Go get him back."

Phoenix shook her head. "No can do."

"Why not?!"

"I did it for his own good! Getting back together would solve absolutely nothing." She replied. "I can't trade his future happiness just to get some temporary happiness for myself. His happiness is more important than mine right now."

"I don't think he's happy with how things turned out."

"For now. But eventually, he'll find someone who will give him everything he wants; marriage, kids, the whole enchilada."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"He will! He is the most amazing person I've ever met. There are girls lining up just for an opportunity with him."

"None of those girls are you though."

"I'm doing what's best for him." Phoenix defended.

"Are you really though? Or are you just disguising your fears with what you think Chris needs?" Tom asked, leaving Phoenix stumped. As much as he cared about her, he was sure she'd made a huge mistake in ending her relationship and took it upon himself to make her realize that. The change in Phoenix from before and after she and Chris began to hangout was like day and night; she was much happier and although Tom once had feelings for her, he couldn't deny she was better off with Chris. "How does Chris make you feel?"

"Safe." She answered right away. "He takes away all of my stress and just being in his presence calms me instantly. He is literally the definition of unconditional love. He supports everything I do with no question or judgement. And other than the marriage and kids thing, everything was just so easy with us. We never really argued, never fought, never raised our voices at one another... He balances me out in a way that I never thought I needed and he makes me a better person."

"That sounds like soneone I would never let go of."

"Even if you knew you couldn't give them what they wanted?"

"Chris has known since day one where you stood on marriage and kids and STILL decided he needed to have you, in spite of that. He opened himself up to you and ended up changing your life for the better yet all he got in return was a broken heart." Tom began. "It's not fair for you to speak for him, to make decisions for him. If he truly believed you wouldn't find a solution to that issue, he wouldn't have even pursued you. I've known Chris for a few years now and he doesn't like to waste his own time."

"But that's the problem: there is no solution! I don't know why I don't want to marry Chris. It's not even that I would never marry him, it's just... I don't know."

"You're just afraid to open yourself up to the possibility. You know as much as I do that Chris wasn't going to propose to you tomorrow or next week." Tom stated. "If it reached that point, he was going to wait years and take his time to make sure everything was right, to make sure it was something you were ready for."

"What if I'm never ready though?" Phoenix sighed. "Chris is too selfless to put his needs above my wants. It's not fair to him."

"That's YOUR fear speaking. You were only officially dating the guy for one month, Phoenix. One." Tom reminded. "I think it was way too early for you to end the relationship based on things that were years ahead of you both."

"My mom said Chris was my soulmate and I've been thinking about it a lot since then." Phoenix brought up randomly. She'd wondered exactly what it felt like and how you knew someone was your soulmate but couldn't come up with any answers. All she knew was that she could barely even remember a time when Chris wasn't in her life and it felt to her that they'd known each other forever. He was everything she needed and opened her eyes up to how happy she could be. In the back of her mind, she always felt that he was supposed to be in her life. "Chris is my home. Well, he was."

"He still is! From what I heard of the voice message you kept playing, Chris has made it clear that you are welcome to call him." Tom responded. "Everything you're saying to me, you should be saying it to him as well."

"I can't. No matter how I feel, I still think I'm doing what's best for him."

"You're not."

"I am!"

"I'll just say this," Tom spoke while gently grabbing Phoenix's hand. "My mum always said true love never fails. If yours and Chris's love is true, it won't fail."

"It already has."

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I've decided to take the filler chapters out so I can finish the story within the next day or two before I get too busy! There will only be about 3 chapters left after this one. I'm going to be on a 10 hour flight later today so hopefully I'll finish it all on the plane.