Sunlight {Levi x Fem!Reader} [COMPLETE]

23: Untrustworthy

A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I just wanted to ask if you all could please read author's note at end of chapter. Thank you very much and I hope you're all safe! <3333333

   *THIS CHAPTER HAS A BRIEF MENTION OF DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS AND A MINOR SCENE DESCRIBING A POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS ATTACK*

Xavier had been captured and you were brought back above ground. Levi stated they were going to have him kept in the basement of headquarters in a cell, where he would undergo questioning. Everyone was there to aid you when you were rescued. Mikasa, Eren, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Erwin, Hanji and Levi. Eren, Mikasa and Sasha tried their very best to comfort you, but you wanted nothing to do with it. Levi had brought you into his office for interviewing.
"This won't take long." Levi stated, understanding that you wanted nothing to do with him. You seated yourself, ready to get the entire conversation over with.
"Sounds good to me." You stated with a mellow expression.
"Eren told me what Xavier said to you before we all came in the room." Levi mentioned. You scoffed.
"Yeah? And what was it that he heard?" You questioned, grinning slightly at Levi. You weren't sure why you were reacting the way you were, but you didn't want to fight it. You were casting it off as your brain protecting you like it had when you were first captured. Levi looked at you with a concerned utterance. Though you had thought otherwise, Levi could tell that you were acting far different from the time you were first captured by the Survey Corps. You seemed unwilling to go on. You felt there was no point in trying to change your outcome; to change your life.
"Were you really willing to do anything for him?" Levi asked, making you inhale deeply as you stared at him with a blank appearance.
"I stood in front of him as he was about to be killed and you ask me that? I think that's a little self explanatory, don't you?" You mentioned. You could tell that Levi was appalled by your answer, but he kept it to himself as not to upset you any further.
"What happened to you down there?" Levi asked, cutting straight to the point. The question was far too aggravating for you to even entertain. You stood up and got in Levi's face. You towered over him quite a bit as he stayed seated, but he was unmoved by your approach.
"You're asking me these questions as if you care. Was I the only one there when you let them take me? I screamed for you to help me and you did nothing." You growled, walking away from Levi. You knew that it wasn't the time to get violent with him, nor would it have been a good idea anyways, considering the physical state that you were in.
"I had no other choice." Levi muttered. You turned and laughed mockingly.
"You believed what Xavier said. You looked so disappointed in me. You looked at me as if I had betrayed you. Then you let them take me back down there, so don't you fucking dare give me that pathetic excuse about how you had no choice. You always have a fucking choice! You're the one that taught me that." You continued on, raising your voice throughout your words. You shook your head slightly and turned your back toward Levi.
"If I had saved you right then and there, we both may have died. If I had acted on instinct, we would have never found Xavier's hideout." Levi calmly stated. You grit on your teeth as your upper lip curled upward out of anger.
"Right, because it's better that I suffer in order for everyone else to be saved, right?" You gave Levi a sarcastic tone, causing him to lose his patience.
"Not everything is about you, Y/N! You weren't the only one down there. We found more than thirty people, and most of which were young kids!" Levi shouted at you. You laughed uncontrollably as tears began to well up in your eyes. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. It was true that there were so many others trapped in that organization, but you refused to let go of the fact that he still decided to let you rot in that place.
"Who said this was about me? Me not wanting to suffer is selfish to you? You don't think I know all the people that were down there, going through the same things I had gone through? You could've very well called for help while they were dragging me away and captured Xavier alive. Instead, you were the one that decided to be selfish and wanted me to undergo more pain just so you could be the hero. That's bullshit and you know it! I'm not the one who is being selfish, Levi, you are." You called out, tears falling from your face and hitting the floorboards.
"Y/N, I-" Levi started to speak, but you interrupted him. His expression read that he wanted to take back what he has said to you, but you wouldn't allow it. It was done and over with.
"Stop! Just shut up! Shut up! I'm so tired of this! There were plenty of things you could've done, but you fucked up and made the wrong decision. You just don't want to admit it!" You took a deep breath after aggressively yelling. You glared at Levi once you had calmed yourself enough.
"Instead of helping me, you thought it would've been better to let me suffer and now you're mad at me because my mental state is in the shitter? What did you expect was going to happen?" You continued, not holding back from what you truly wanted to say.
"Did you think we were gonna have a little tea party down there? That I was gonna be treated like a queen for betraying all of them? No! This is what they did to me!" You pointed to your hair and face, clenching your jaw aggressively. You inhaled sharply as Levi stood back in defeated silence.
"This is what happened to me and you knew that's what was going to happen. So don't you dare fucking sit back with your fake understanding facial expressions. They're bullshit. You may have been born in the Underground like me, but you never went through anything that I did. I can never be happy. I can never be free. Don't you get that?" You stopped to take another deep breath. Levi was pained to see you in such a state, nearly on the verge of tears for what you were put through. He did blame himself for all of it, but he questioned himself as to why he wouldn't come right out and tell you what happened.
"Everything that I went through is a part of me and it's never going away!" You felt like your head was going to blow up with how much you were shouting and sobbing. There was very little oxygen that was getting to your brain due to all the yelling and short breaths you were taking.
"Y/N! Levi! Are you okay?" Hanji bursted through the door, curious over your distraught shouting. You stood up straight, switching your expression from boiling rage, back to its original blankness rather quickly.
"We're fine, Hanji. It just got a little heated. I'm done answering his questions now." You stated, your voice was calm and hoarse. Levi stood in the same place he was, not planning on moving. You expected that of him, however. You also didn't expect him to take anything you said seriously. You thought that he was the type of person who would risk anything just for things to go the way he wanted. You left Levi's room and scooted yourself passed Hanji without speaking another word. You walked down the hall, heading to your own bedroom. You closed your door and locked it behind you. You pressed your forehead against the door and took some deep breaths, trying to get a hold on yourself before you lost control.
"Fuck." Your body started to tingle and your chest was in a panic. You turned your body so your back was pressed against it as you slid down onto the floor. You lifted your knees against your chest and tightly held onto your shoulders while your arms were crossed. Your body wouldn't stop shaking while you allowed more choked back sobs to escape.
"What the fuck am I gonna do?" You whispered to yourself, breathing heavily.

A/N: hello again! I really worked hard on the last three chapters. It's just going to get more detailed and more intense, so be ready for that. As I've stated in the last two chapters, I'm going to be doing this set-up where you tell me a prediction in what you feel will happen in the upcoming chapters. If you were correct in your predictions, I will feature it in that chapter. I also will feature predictions I personally feel are unique and fascinating, even if they weren't correct. I really am looking forward to what you all feel will happen next, so don't be shy! I should be posting the next chapter in a few days, so think up your predictions and let me know. Thank you again! Have a great weekend everyone and stay safe!! <3333333