Sunlight {Levi x Fem!Reader} [COMPLETE]

51: Tears That Didn't Hurt

A/N: Hello everyone!!! Hope you're all doing well. This chapter's song is dedicated to 'All Is Soft Inside' by AURORA. The song should be available to listen to above the chapter. This song was recommended to me to listen to many months back by @violetskyrose. I appreciate all your kindness and support, as I know you appreciate mine towards you. It means a lot to me that I've gotten to know you. Thank you! I hope everyone enjoys today's chapter! Stay safe! <3333333

*THIS CHAPTER HAS A VERY BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT AND PHYSICAL ABUSE*

  Before actually going to speak with Xavier, your father, Levi and yourself met with Erwin at his office to unlock Xavier's safe. He and everyone else were anticipating looking through the unknown contents within the black lock box.
  "He said he kept every letter you ever wrote to me in here." You mentioned to your father. He clicked his tongue.
  "Of course he did, that bastard." Your father muttered, angrily recalling the type of person Xavier is. He didn't want to speak with or even see Xavier, but his presence was needed for the testimony and the case as a whole. Zackley practically had everything he needed and Xavier's execution was obvious. There just wasn't a date set at the moment. 
  "The code is 7730." Erwin stated, reading the code out of Hanji's journal. You had remembered Xavier stating the combination on that day, but you ultimately forgot about it. Rightfully so, among everything else you had been dealing with and thinking about, the last thing you would remember would be a four digit number.
  "There's my journal!" You heard the sound of Hanji's excitable shout. You grinned as you had successfully unlocked the safe. You turned to face Hanji after doing so.
  "I knew you would have it. Did you lose the paper you originally had?" Hanji asked Erwin, clearly referring to the safe's code. Erwin cleared his throat, becoming serious.
  "Even I'm prone to misplacing things once in a while." Erwin mentioned, unmoved.
  "It might just be that old age. Hell, we're all getting too old to remember a damn thing these days." Hanji continued, taking a jab at Erwin and everyone else in the room. You laughed in response.
  "I'm only twenty-six, calm down." You interjected, carrying on with the joke. Erwin smiled over at you.
  "Uh, it's open." You stated nervously once you reiterated the knowledge to yourself. It was a rather large safe. The contents that spilled out of it made you nervous.
  "We will need to scavenge through all of this before meeting with Xavier." Erwin stated, sighing in the process.
  "Should we let Zackley know that we'll be later than we expected?" Levi asked, ready to complete said task if Erwin confirmed for him to do so.
  "No, this won't take long. We'll just skim it all and separate what's more important into a specific stack." Erwin answered, walking towards the safe with everyone else. Hanji followed along as well. Your emotions got the better of you once you began to read all of your father's letters. Erwin insisted that you take them for yourself to keep and read while Levi, Hanji and himself looked through the rest of the items within the safe. Over the last decade, your father had sent you happy birthday letters, dated the same, year after year. There were also thirty other letters you were eagerly waiting to read through. Your throat was sore from trying to keep yourself from sobbing.
  "I never missed it. Every night before your birthday, I sat at my desk and wrote a letter. The years went by so fast. I'm not surprised that Xavier got to them before you did, but a part of me hoped that you would one day find one. Just one was enough, and I had prayed that it would've given you the strength to get out of that place on your own." Your father took a breath before continuing. He gave you a tiny smile. You listened further, bowing your head with defeat, knowing you would begin to cry at any moment.
  "I even wrote letters for the hell of it. I found an excuse to right to you for every single holiday, even if I didn't celebrate it." Your father laughed wholeheartedly, thinking of the mindset he had when writing his letters to you.
  "Even though I knew he made you believe I was dead, I still wished that a letter would reach you somehow." Your father was aggravated with Xavier, trying to hold back tears. You sniffled.
  "I know the type of man Xavier is. He kept them away from me because if he had given them to me, that would mean I had a reason to hope. He wanted nothing more but to be absolutely sure that I never had an ounce of hope or happiness inside me. I swear it was like he could smell it on all of us, because every time it seemed like I was content or at ease, he would make my life hell all over again. Each time was worse than the last. I managed to turn myself into an emotionless tool just so I wouldn't have to endure the pain any longer." You informed your father, the words leaving a bad taste in your mouth as you explained. He looked at you with the most despairing expression you had ever seen. Though, of course he would react in that way. His own daughter, the only person left of his family, was tortured, raped and abused for a large part of her life. His daughter's childhood and teen years were stolen from her and replaced with nothing other than pain and fear. You placed your hand on your father's back, rubbing it gently. The comfort you gave him made no difference. He was so hurt by your words that he couldn't muster the words that he clearly wanted to say.
  "I'll never forget what I went through, but that's all in the past now. I have people by my side now that are always here for me when I need them. I can confidently say that I do have hope now. I have Levi. I have you too." Your tears were cascading down your cheeks, stinging the skin as you smiled on at your father.
  "Nothing and no one can hurt me ever again, so stop blaming yourself. Everything that happened to me is not your fault and I could never blame you for what I went through. I don't blame you for any of it." You and your father were both crying. It was hard to get the proper words out with the soft sobs in between, but you forced yourself to. He needed to know.
  "You did your best. You tried your hardest to keep me safe, things just turned out differently than we all would've expected them to. I could never ask for a better father. Regardless of how things turned out for me, for us, for our family; you never gave up on me and I will always love you for that." You couldn't stop the sobs anymore. They attacked your vocal chords like a poison, forcing you to let them out. You weren't completely sad in the moment. What you had stated was the truth and you would never turn your back on those words.

  A/N: Ack! I cried a lot at the end of this chapter. I hope it didn't make anyone too sad! Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! I'll be back soon with another. Stay safe everyone!!!! <3333333