Anxious // Grayson Dolan *Removed for editing*

3.0

As my tears slow, the realization hits me.

He doesn't want me. Will I ever be good enough for anyone?

Jace stares at me, narrowing his eyes.

"I know what you're thinking and you have to stop. There must be some explanation for this, he may be a dick sometimes but I know he loves you and would never even look at another girl" He tells me. I choke on a sob. Then why would he do this?

"I really don't think he does" I answer weakly. Jace makes a face.

"How could you even think that? I've spent the last year watching him practically kiss the ground you walk on. He took you to a concert on your one month and he's even helped you recover. I've never seen you healthier, Luna. He's head over fucking heels for you, please believe me when I tell you that" He rushes. I hear his words, but they don't sink in.

"You didn't see the way he was touching her. He didn't even try to push her off. He knew I was there and could see, and he still did it, like he wanted me to see. You say he loves me, but I spent the last year opening up to him more than I've opened up to anyone, and he still throws it all away for some girl at a party. He did help me recover, which makes it so much fucking worse" I rant back. Jace frowns, his eyes becoming watery.

"Oh, babe" He sighs, pulling me into a hug. He holds me for a moment before letting go.

"I'm going to go talk to Leo for a moment, but I'll be back to sleep with you, okay? Yell if you need me and I'll be right here" He says slowly. I nod.

"I love you," He says loudly. I nod again.

"Love you" I reply.

He leaves the room, leaving me completely alone. Every time I blink, I see his hands on her. Groping her and pulling her against him. The image won't leave my mind no matter how hard I push it away. I want to pull my eyes out, but I know it won't help much.

I take my clothes off and head to my closet to put something more comfortable on, but stop when I see Grayson's hoodie and sweatpants laying on my vanity chair. I hesitate but put them on. His smell overwhelmed me immediately, causing me to start crying again. I gave him everything I had. I told him all of my secrets, my flaws, everything. He promised me he would never do this to me.

He promised.

Thoughts intrude my brain as I try to push them away. I don't want to fucking be here. I look to my bathroom as I try to convince myself not to do it. I can't. I promised Leo I would stop.

I start to panic as my skin itches. Without thinking, my hands scratch at my wrists, silent sobs falling from my lips. I don't want to do it, but it seems like my hands are moving on their own. They move to my face, rubbing and scratching my eyes until I see dark spots in my vision.

I don't even hear when there's a knock on the door, or when they enter my room. I don't hear the small cry or the footsteps as they rush towards me. I snap out of it when hands grab mine, holding them up and away.

"Please stop" Grayson whimpers. He tries to hide his crying but his body shaking gives him away. I try to yank my hands away, but he doesn't let go. I shrink away from him, wanting nothing more than him to leave.

"It's not like you fucking care" I snap, avoiding eye contact.

"Don't even say that, you know that's not true" He tells me strictly, but also sounding heartbroken. I look up at him with a blank expression.

"I really don't think you do," I say emotionlessly. My words sound the same as my conversation with Jace.

"Stop, please don't say that. I love you more than I've loved anything, I care about you more than I care about anything" He says in a stern voice.