the light

zemblanity

with a fine tooth comb,
and tears in my eyes,
i went back through,
every word you ever spoke to me.

trying to gauge,
if every little thing,
you whispered in my ear,
was truly the real you.

the one who loved
and cared,
for me,
with everything you had.

or if it was the you,
you played up and spit out,
in front of your friends,
just to seem cool,
making me feel as if,
i was just "one of the guys,"
and not something a little more.

ir maybe the real you,
was, in fact, the one you were,
in front of your friends.
because if you couldn't,
love and support me,
in front of the people you care most about,
how could i believe,
you'd ever be the real you,
in front of someone,
you claimed to love,
just as much as them.

how could i not expect,
to be be chewed up and spit out,
like i was some sort of toy,
that you could switch on and off,
when it was simply convenient?

how could i not expect,
to not be truly loved,
the way you claimed to love me,
behind closed doors?