DESTINED TO BE HIS GARMENT

chapter 30

There was a deafening silence in the private hospital room which hosted a physically and almost emotionally distraught Najwa and her ecstatic but wary husband after the last person which was A.J's favourite aunt, had clasped the door closed. The sound of the door closing after the woman for some time had been the last of what it was, a sound, as an awkward silence befell them right afterwards. The sound of a pin falling could be heard considering how quiet it was although the hearts and minds of the two lovers were in turmoil just as the sea waves after a heavy rainfall. The room which was painted in a glory white, well ventilated and spacious, could not have lifted the heaviness of silence in the room. But it seemed not spacious enough to be able to accommodate the tension that was building between the two love birds. The handsome lad who had lost the zeal weeks back to appear that way, handsome, at the moment had many unpleasant and pleasant things going through his mind all at the same time. The state of his own thoughts confused him. For sure, he knew he was absolutely ecstatic to finally have a glimpse of his beloved wife once again and he longed to reach out and have her in his bosom. But then, there was a part of him that was insisting he exercised constraint. The absolute male part of him. He knew it was his male ego whispering to him to thread carefully. The optimist side of him was challenging him to overlook whatever happened and just grab his wife into an embrace as he has been pinning for her for a while now. As he looked into her eyes, those eyes he could see was filled with longing, affection and fondness were drawing him slowly towards her. Those same eyes in whose depth he had always been lost. Those same eyes that sometime ago would have not been able to stare straight at him was defying all odds now. She stared straight at him and it was as if she was staring right into his soul. He knew he could not resist her for long with the kind of emotion she had in those wide orbs and the kind of emotion it stirred within him. Indeed, he could see longing, fondness and affection in those eyes. But never love. The one affection he so desired to see in it. Her avowal of love has been known to everyone but him. His sister most especially had never let an opportunity, for her to give a vote of confidence about how Najwa felt for him, slip through her fingers. His mother believed so too as she has always made him know. And so did his grandmother and even his father who had expressed how lucky he was to have the love of a good woman like Najwa. And now even A.J's aunt thinks so too. But he has never felt so. He has always known she just tolerated and accommodated him because it is her responsibility as his wife. It was no surprise he has been making all the effort to make things right after their nikaah. He wondered if it was because these people felt they so deserved to be or looked good together that they see nothing but love from Najwa's side or he has been the one so blind to what she actually felt for him?

Another look at his wife and his resolve almost shattered. That was the hold she had on him. She was capable of making him forget everything by just a look. Yet she did not know that. She did not know the kind of power she had over him. If she did, she would not have left just because Salma manipulated her into believing he did not love her. She did not even believe so even after he had made it known to her. Could their love life be any more complicated. Is this how complicated love is? He wondered.

But then, he knows he has to be the strong and matured one in this situation if his promise to never let her go and work through the storm is anything to go by. He knew he had to let go of the issue. But then his male pride would not let go of the fact that she had had no trust in him after all the times they had spent together and upon the countless occasions he had declared his profound love towards her, but she had still believed her sister's words over his enough to leave him in misery. The male part of him just could not shake that fact off. But, the time and circumstances at the moment was not suitable for such discussions. He would have to forget about that at the moment and focus on her health. It was the most important thing now. He was yet to know what happened to her. But whatever it was, it had left her vulnerable. He almost blamed himself for his inability to protect her as he had promised her father he would on the the day of their wedding and it was all because he couldn't perform the simple task of keeping her at his side. He swallowed visibly as if to swallow down whatever thoughts and opinions he had plus his pain.