HELPLESSLY // MITCHEL CAVE

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Numb.

That's all I can feel. Just numbness. Everything is black and white. I can't think. I can't stop crying. I'm tired. I don't remember if I've eaten today. I haven't-"A.J you're gonna kill the hot water I need to shower too!"

"Ok I'm sorry!"I sniffled. I turned the shower off and stepped out in a towel. I quickly waddled to my room and shut the door. Alexa went right in after me.

I slid down against my bedroom door and continued my sobbing. I didn't know what else to do. My heart hurt. My whole body hurt from crying so damn much. All in all, I just felt empty.

Completely. Empty. A bottomless pit of darkness. I don't like it.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. All I wanted was his touch. I wanted those moments back. I thought I'd still be with him. Things changed so quick. Too quick. I hate this. I hate life. I hate love.

It's been four days since we broke up. They play their last tour date tomorrow and then they're back in L.A. Back home.

Back here.

I wiped the tears off my face and got up. I walked over to my vanity and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a zombie. It didn't even look like me. My hair was wet. My mascara was all over my cheeks. My eyes were so puffy from crying and bloodshot from not sleeping.

Mitchel had blown up my phone the night it happened. And the next morning a bit too. But by then I was gone. I texted Alexa that morning and she met me outside to leave. Kras said goodbye to me. He looked surprised by how much of a mess I was as he'd never seen me anywhere close to that before.

The past four days have been shit. I only showered just now. Haven't taken my makeup off. Hardly ate, only had some toast on maybe two occasions cause I just throw it up from crying so hard. And I've only slept a total of five hours within the past few days. I'm a wreck.

However I'm going to the beach now for some sunset pictures. I didn't care about how I looked. I had no one to impress anymore. I still didn't know if this hurt more or if Joey's death hurt more.

I threw on a black Lacey crop top and some sweats. I tied my hair into a bun, grabbed my camera, and slid into my flip flops. "Going to the beach bye.."I weakly called out through Alexa and I's apartment. I didn't bother to wait for a response, I just walked down the hall to the garage.

Once I was in my car again I cried of course. I drove this car on the way to the Cassie music video where I met Mitchel. My love. The man of my dreams. God. I'm fucked up.

I started my car and drove off to the beach. It was a five minute drive. I listened to the radio while i drove but could barely even pay attention. I was just in too much of a fog.

I got to the beach and locked my car. I walked down to the water and started taking pictures on the way. It was mostly an empty beach except for some people on walks. I got some nice shots and sat down in the sand. I stared at the waves just watching them come in and out.

I eventually laid down. The waves made me sleepy. I stared up at the sky unable to cry right now. My mind wandered to wondering what Mitchel was doing right now. Maybe he's staring at the sky too. Maybe he's getting it on with some girl. After five months of being invested in me he deserves to have sex. I was too selfish not to give him that.

My eyelids started to feel heavy. I sighed closing my eyes for a few minutes. Or so I thought..

Mitchel's P.O.V

"Two more shows Mitchel. You have to get through tonight and tomorrow and then you're done. Your misery will be over."Kras patted me on the back. I scoffed.

"Yeah right. I'm gonna feel the same when I get home. Probably worse because I'm so close to her. I don't wanna go home. I don't wanna go on stage."I laid on the bed looking at the ceiling. All I could see is her face looking up at me when she'd be laying in my lap. All I could feel was her next to me in bed.

I looked next to me expecting her to be there. But just like all those other times she wasn't. And my heart just shatters all over again.

"We can't just not go on. I have to go backstage. See you in five. You'll be okay."Kras left the room. I huffed.

I couldn't stand being on stage without seeing her in the crowd or her being backstage. I could always look to her if I was nervous or insecure. She was like home. She kept me grounded. I can't believe I lived without her. I feel like I'm going insane.

How could I have fallen that fast? That's not like me! I didn't know I could do that! Is that even normal? I'm probably crazy. Nobody does that. No wonder she was so freaked out. I fucked up. I fucked it all up for her and me just like every other time I had feelings for someone.

I wiped the tears off my face and got up. I grabbed a bottle of tequila, took three big sips and left. I dragged myself backstage. I didn't say anything. Just simply walked out on stage.

"Tampa how you feelin tonight?!"I faked the enthusiasm in my voice as well as the smile on my face. My eyes scanned the crowd with the tiny hope she might have shown up to say she's sorry. But as always I was wrong. I felt the tears sting my eyes.

I pushed past it and played our set. I don't know if I've ever felt more alone. She hurt me. I'm not even mad at her though. I love her too much and I understand. I understand why she can't have me in love with her. She's scared. I would be too.

God fucking dammit I love her.

A.J's POV

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"Hello?"I answered the phone groggily.

"Why aren't you home? It's been four hours and it's one in the morning I'm worried!"Alexa yelled at me over the phone. My eyes widened at the time.

"Shit I fell asleep on the beach. I'll be home in ten. Sorry. Bye."I explained and hung up. I yawned and got up. Beaches were kinda creepy at night when you're alone. Especially in the city.

Lucky for me I got back to my car safely. I drove home safely too. I was exhausted at this point and ready to pass out.

"I'm back."I stumbled through the front door. She was sitting on the couch in a robe drinking a mojito while watching TV.

"Good. Now you're exhausted, go back to sleep. Hurry hurry!"She ushered me to go to my room. She was really upset that I hadn't slept much in days. It does things to me.

I changed into different clothes since there was sand all over me and crawled into bed. More than anything I wanted Mitchel next to me. I miss him so fucking much. I just wanna smell him. I wanna feel him. I want his head in my arms. I need him back.

Soon enough I was crying again, and within a half an hour I cried myself to sleep..

Both P.O.V's

Love isn't fucking easy.

A/N: I HAD TO REFERENCE BYE SORRY OOOH TWO UPDATES IN ONE NIGHT DAYUM GIRL YOU ON A ROLL