HELPLESSLY // MITCHEL CAVE

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Ugh.

"Roxanne, why'd you wanna leave me on my own now? Roxanneee. I think we should go but I'm not sure enough Roxanne."I quietly sang the chorus while laying in bed staring up at my ceiling. I couldn't sleep. I'd spent hours of tossing and turning but only being able to think about Mitchel. It's three in the damn morning.

I was listening to their music just to hear his voice. And looking at pictures to see him. I was desperate. I missed him. I needed him. I craved him..

Maybe I should just go over there. I don't wanna spend the whole night not being able to sleep. I have to go over there. I don't care that it's three in the morning. I'm sure he's up. It's Mitchel we're talking about.

I stopped crying over him and jumped out of bed. I slipped on my shoes, put my hoodie and some pants on, and walked straight out. I've been doing that a lot lately. I wasn't necessarily in a rush, just on a mission. I knew their address from the one time I'd been there. That was the day they invited me to come on tour with them. God how I wished I was there at the last show for him..

I sighed as I had to wait at a red light. I was nervous as all hell and this wasn't helping. I began to cry again about the mess I'd created, but also just the fact I was about to see him awake and talking for the first time in a week. Since I broke his heart.

The light turned green (green green) and I was now a block away. Butterflies danced in the pit of my stomach as I pulled onto their street. I only now realized it was raining with it slowly speeding up more and more. I covered my head with my arms and made a run for their front door. I knocked as quietly as I could careful not to scare someone.

About twenty seconds passed before I heard a slight rustling behind the door. All of a sudden the door swung open and there he was. In all his misery.

Mitchel Charles Cave

His eyes were wide with shock but droopy with exhaustion at the same time. "A..Aurora? Hi.."He weakly greeted me. He said my name so sadly and his voice was as raspy as ever. I felt tears sting my eyes again.

"Hi. Um..I uh don't really know where to start. But I just um.."I struggled to get anything out. He stared at me almost scared of what I'd say.

"Oh Jesus fuck I just realized it's pouring. Come inside you're gonna get sick."He grabbed my arm pulling me inside. He touched me and both of us froze. I looked up into his eyes and almost smiled. His eyes were so lost though. All the life was gone from them.

He let go and ushered for me to continue. "I came to give you this."I pulled the piece of paper out of my huge hoodie pocket and handed it to him. He took it from me and opened it.

"I don't like darkness...what is this?"He asked completely confused.

"It's a song. That I wrote. About you. Well, one of the songs that I've written about you."I awkwardly explained. He slowly nodded expecting me to say more.

"Thank you? I guess? Was that all?"He leaned against the back of their couch. I shook my head holding back tears.

"No. I'm sorry. I know I really don't have the right to come here or even expect for you to talk to me or for you to not hate me but I'm sorry. I made a mistake. A really really really huge mistake. I'm not asking you to understand me. I'm not asking you to take me back either. But just know I made a mistake. You're everything to me Mitchel. I'm always gonna be scared but honestly losing you is scarier. And I've gone through a lot this past week and I've put you through even more this past week but i..I realized that.."I had trouble getting out the last part because I was crying now. He was too. This whole break up is really ripping into both of us. I took a deep breath.