IN SEARCH OF TRUST!

14. im sorry mum! i found my love!

Hardin's pov :

"mum, Please! Talk to me." Im trying to talk to her since an hour. She didn't move her lip! "mom, I know I hurt you. So damn much! But now, I'm seriously sorry. Please! I want you to talk to me." I beg her as I move closer to give her a hug. She blocks me from touching her. "stay away.I'm heart broken Hardin. Heart broken for the hundredth time!Did I seriously deserve that? I thought you loved me" she says as tears drip down from hers and mine too.

"I love you!. I love you more than myself mum. You just need to understand that. I just spoke shit for which I'm devastated inside. Please!Forgive me! Forgive me for once" i sincerely implore. "yes. I can forgive you if you want me to, but, That doesn't mean I'm healed inside. Once you loose your life, it's gone for ever Hardin! So is my heart, once broken is broken forever." she sobs.

"mum. I can, I can heal your pain. I can mend your broken heart. Just tell me what you want me to do. I can do anything. Anything you ask me to do. I just need you to be happy" I say, weeping very badly. I haven't hurt her this way before. Never before in my past and now I just can't see her cry till she is swooned.

"I just don't know" she cries out loud. "no mommy. Please stop. I've hurt you enough now and I'm very guilty for it, holding a shame face. Please don't kill me by shedding those innocent tears on this dickhead of a son. Please" I say.

It's already 10 am now and I have college. I haven't even bathed yet. And my head is twirling heavily. My mum isn't able to curb her weeping. My mums kitchen will be covered with blood any time soon cuz my brain is about to explode.

I want to walk away. Far away from her cuz I don't want to hurt her more but I want her to accept my apology and forgive me.

"don't you have to go to the college?" she asks, wiping her tears away. "yeah, i should. But not until you forgive me" I say. Waiting to listen to her ear soothing words. "yeah... You can go get ready" she says. "no.. I expect you to completely open up and say you have forgiven me." I say.

"yea Hardin. I will forgive you. I can never have a revenge on you cuz your my only life. I may scold you but not out of rage but because I love you. Only you. The most! I'm alive for you Hardin! I have nothing except you in this world. I'm taking in every breath cuz I love to see your happiness, I love to see you achieve, not trip around drinking till you pass out. Promise me that you will not be like your father. Promise me that you will never drink again. Promise me that you will never hurt me again "she confidentially says

." yes!I promise "I agree with her but I'm sure as hell that I can not keep up the promise I made. But for now her happiness is all I need. I don't give a damn about promises... It's jus bullshit!

I leave to my room.

I go stand under the hot shower to wash all the dirty thoughts in me. I want to loosen the complications tangled with my nerves. The nervous system is a mess. Especially mine is messier than the others. And now the problems around me have combined and that's making me difficult to breathe. Hell!!!!

I'm under the shower for almost an hour now and for fucks sake I've wasted a huge tank full of water. Nice! I ruin everybody's life... Fuckin great!...!

I come out of the bathroom and directly walk to the mirror. There stands a handsome hunk in front of it, but that hunk has a fucked up lump of things inside of him. For once I feel I don't deserve this life, in which I hurt every single body around me. I don't know how to treat my mother, henceforth I don't deserve this life! I've failed in the most important task of my life and so Im not worth it.