A Chance at Love (completed)

Chapter 8

I woke up from the sun’s glare. I was in my room. I’m not sure how I got here and how I manage to change my clothes. I was thinking about my dream last night. But I’m not sure if it was all a dream. It seemed true. I directly went to the bathroom to take a shower and change my clothes. After an hour, I finished what I have to do. I went out of the room and went straight to the dining table. Our breakfast is already prepared.

“Dear, are you alright now? Did you have a goodnight sleep?” My grandmother asked me.

“Actually, I had a nightmare last night…” I stopped what I was about to say when I saw him, James. He’s looking at me straight in the eyes. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t a dream. The nightmare was true. It was my entire fault. I turned my back and ran as fast as I could towards the beach. My tears are falling again. I can’t believe what’s happening. Is this why dad asked me if I’m going to be alright here? Why didn’t he tell me?

“Ara.” I heard a familiar voice. I looked behind me to make sure. It was Carlos. When our eyes met, I immediately hugged him. “Ara, why are you crying again? I hate seeing you like this.”

I didn’t answer his question. I just continued hugging him. I need a friend today. He’s the only one who didn’t lie to me? Did he not? “Did you know about this?” I broke from the hug and looked at him.

“About what? I just got here.”

“About my accident, about the case. Is that why your dad decided not to send me to New York right away? Is it because he knew that a case was filed against me? Is that it?”

“Yes. You guessed correctly. But how did you…” He didn’t finished what he is saying because someone interrupted us.

“I told her.” James said. “She has to know. I didn’t really plan to tell her but I got carried away yesterday. I’m sorry.”

I looked at James and shook my head. “Don’t apologize to me James. I was the one who should apologize. I’m sorry. If only I was in my right mind that day, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I know. Everything has a reason. Don’t blame yourself anymore. Where ever she is right now, I know she’s happy.”

“But you’re not.” I said sadly. My tears fell down again. I don’t know how long my tears would last. I’ve been crying every day since the night he broke up with me. I’m experiencing this suffering because of him. If only I could forget him completely as if he didn’t exist. If only I can manage to erase him from my memory, I have done it a long time ago. But the sad thing is, I have buried him deep inside my heart and now, I can’t take him out. I know that I will not be able to move on. I just have to get used to the pain.

Carlos just comforted me and I saw James went away. I know how he is feeling. I know the feeling of being left behind. But what he was feeling might be heavier than mine. I can’t blame him if he’ll hate me forever. I was the one who caused him to be feeling that way. I caused him the pain he doesn’t deserve. I don’t know how I could help him, but I’ll try my best to be at least a friend to him.

“Ara,” I looked up then Carlos wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. I thought it will only add to the pain that’s why I didn’t tell you. And about New York, you can now fly there right away now that they dropped the case.”

I release from his embrace and wiped my own tears. I said, “What do you mean they dropped the case?” Relief found me but the guilt I’ve been feeling just continued to grow even more.

“My Dad told me that they just decided to drop the case. They didn’t give any reason at all. They didn’t even ask for any compensation money. But that’s not important anymore. What’s important now is that you’re free to go to New York for your internship.” He said.

I just shook my head and said, “I don’t know Carlos. Now that I knew about the truth, I don’t think I can go right now. Someone’s life and dreams were ruined because of me. I don’t think going to New York will be the best. I’d rather stay here than go there while guilt tries to kill me.”

“How about we follow what we have planned before? We can go together after we both graduate and you can take the board since there will not be a case against you.”

“No, Carlos. I don’t think I can do that.”

“But why? You still have two years before going to New York right? I’ll be with you there. Don’t you want that?”

I just shook my head. “You don’t understand, Carlos. I want to be there with you, but I decided to just stay here. May be I’m not meant to be there. I already declined the first offer. And I was almost stripped out of my chances of being an interior designer. May be that is a sign that I should not go. ”

“But don’t you think the reason why they decided to drop the case against you is for you to have another chance? Maybe it’s also a sign that you should not give up on your dreams.” He paused for a moment and said, “This is because of Mico, right? Can’t you at least forget about him and think about yourself first?”

“No. It’s not!” It’s about me, I wanted to tell him. I don’t think I can fulfil my dreams in my condition. I know what Carlo was saying is right. But it’s just so hard for me to live while having this scar I know I can never recover from. I’m lost right now along with my identity, of who I am. I lost the old, fun, and loving Arabella because all I can see is a girl who just knew how to cry.

Without looking at me, he said, “I know I have no right to interfere with your decision. It’s your life not mine. But I can’t see you like this.”

He turned his back and walked away. I ran after him and held his hand. “What do you mean you can’t see me like this?”I asked.

“I don’t think you need me here, so I should probably go now and leave you.” He paused to face me and said, “And maybe you’re right. You need time for yourself. I’ll leave you now. But I hope when I see you again, you’ll be a different person or rather, you’ll be the same Arabella I knew. Bye.” He took away his hands and started to walk away. Carlos was really a good friend. He was there when I needed a friend. He was the one who really cared. I guess I have to tell him goodbye for a while.