The Young Lioness

The Lannister at Casterly Rock

Next day, when she woke up, Joanna felt dizzy. Her emotions were still on the surface, she was back where it all started. I'm alone in the Rock, again. Without my family, again,Joanna thought to herself sadly and angerly as she sat up in the bed. Why did I have to strike him?! Why couldn't I play along?! But, no! I had to strike him, get caught and be sent back here!, Joanna thought angry while dressing herself. Normally, most of the highladys would have a handmaiden to help them dress, however at 10 she dismised her handmaiden, she was prefectly capable of dressing herself without help. Besides, that way if she was lucky enough, sometimes her father and sister did not force her to wear some fancy dress that she did not like. Most of the times when she was little, her father comanded her to wear dresses all the time, at least when he was home. At 11, when she moved to KingsLanding, it was her sister that took that upon herself. The first time that she had to wear a dress at KingsLanding, Tyrion and Jaime were so suprised that they said almost at the same time , "You lost that battle, didn't you?". "Very funny, you two could help me sometimes, you know?" she had answered, angry. "Sorry, little sister. We are not in the Rock anymore." Tyrion had said joking. "Father told Cersei to make a lady out of you. She is doing a great job so far. I don't recall seeing you wearing a dress, since you're 10." Jaime had explained. "I know, I will try to be a lady...and to wear dresses. I told her that already. How do you think, I came to wear this?" Joanna had said. Now those days are gone, Joanna thought remembering that memory. Not a day passed by that when she was dressing up the memory did not pop up in her mind, it was an happy memory. When she was ready, Joanna was wearing a crimson dresslike longsleeve tunic with a golden lion embroied in the chest and a black pair of pants with black leather boots. Her hair was released and falling through her back and she was wearing a golden tiara.
Eventhough Joanna loved Casterly Rock, when she left to KingsLanding, last time, she always thought that by the time she returned there, it would not be just her, but also her family, her father, Jaime, Tyrion, even with Cersei and the kids. That will never happened. At least, not now, Joanna thought to herself while looking through the window of her room into the city and the water.
Then Joanna made her way down to the council room, in which normally ocurred the meetings of the business in the Westerlands. As her father was not only Hand of the King, but also Warden of the West, Joanna was his castellan since she was 14. It is supose be Tyrion, not me, Joanna had thought when her father had made her his castellan, however his father gave her no other choice but to acept.
Joanna hated politcs and everything about ruling, she never thought she would be good at it. She still had to learn and by then she could manage.
As Joanna arrived at the council room, which was a large room with a ruler woden chair at the top of some stairs and an ample space in front of it, she saw her cousin Damion Lannister, who was in charge of the Rock when she arrived, eventhough he was older than her, it was Joanna that recieved the charge when she was at the Rock, maestre Creylen, who was the maestre that was asigned to the Rock since Joanna had memory of, Ser Benedict Broom, who was the maester-at-arms of the Rock, and a large crowd of subits, highlords and common people alike. Here we go again, Joanna thought to herself while entering the room. The first time she had to do this alone, Joanna thought to herself the whole time she was siting in that damn chair, My mother did this a hundred times or more, I have to be able to do it as well...
As Joanna entered the room, her cousin anounced, "Lady Joanna Lannister, Lady of Casterly Rock. Daugther and Castellan to Lord Tywin Lannister, Hand of the King, Warden of the West, Lord of Casterly Rock and Shield of Lannisport." Then Joanna entered the room and sat on the ruler chair, "Welcome my lords and ladys, and citzens of the Westerlands. This court will be hold to attend the requests of all and resolve the problems, if possible, of course. The first guest may aproach." she said looking at the crowd. The first person was a member of house Swyft, "My lady, the war has damaged our harvests and we do not have enough provisions to survive the winter." he said. "My lord, we can supply some harvest in order for your house to survive the winter, in exchange  I want you to get the harvests in order as soon as possible." Joanna said. The man thanked her and returned to the crowd from where he had stepped up. Then a member of house Crakehall stepped up and said, "My lady, my house lost almost every man we had to protect the land in the Battle of Oxcross. We only ask for protetion until we can restore our house forces." "And you shall have it. Take twenty of the best soldiers and guard your land. As long as they are provided food and shelter." Joanna stated and then nodded to Ser Benedict Broom to provided the man the way to the soldiers. Ser Benedict excused himself and did as she bid.
Next, a man aproached his arms sigil was purple and white chequy with gold coins in the checks. Joanna did not know the sigil or the house to which it belonged to, due to that she inquired, "My lord, pardon me. But I do not recognize your house sigil." "My house is house Payne, my lady. However, it is a small house divided in several branchs and the sigil is rather unknown. Anyway..." the man said. Joanna's heart started to beat faster and she felt sad and happy at the same time. It's Pod's house. How is he? Do I ever get to see him again?, Joanna thought to herself while listening the man's resquest. He wanted protection and supplies, Joanna granted him that. However, she could not stop thinking about Podrick. What were the odds to find a member of his house in Casterly Rock? In Joanna's point of view, rarely to non-existence at all. That was the last thing she expected.
Mostly of the common folk wanted protetion and food, Joanna ran her mind looking for a solution and eventually she found one. Joanna would odered the kitchen to take all the leftovers to the people in the lands equally divided and doubled the city watch.
The moment that Joanna thought the council was done a member of the Nigth's Watch spoke up, "My lady, the Watch needs man to guard the Wall. Winter is coming and other things will come with it." "You may pick from the dungeons as you like, ser." Joanna answered the man's request. Let the Watch pick from the dungeons was what her father did, Joanna decided to follow his lead and did the same. The dungeons of the Rock was the most dark and deep of all, there was never a light in it, wether it was day or night. The temperature of the cells were as cold as the winter and as moisty as the Iron Islands. It was not a pleasant place and by that time it was almost full with war prisioners. The brother of the Nigth's Watch would find a lot of new recruits.
After the man left the council was done and all the people left, except for her cousin and the maestre.
"Cousin Damion, thank you for your help in the defenses of the Rock. Did you have any word of Robb Stark's troops?" Joanna asked her cousin. "No word, my lady. But if he strikes, we will be ready. I will make sure of it." Damion answered. "I have totally trust in you. Maestre Creylen, do you have any sleep potion or something that was good for sleep?" Joanna asked the maestre. "Of course, my lady. I will have it bring to your room. If you excuse me." The maestre said and then he left.
Joanna sighed, she was frustrated, again she did not sleep the whole night, since the battle that she could not sleep well, so when she went to bed it was already late. As the council took the hole morning and the begining of the evening, Joanna and her cousin went to have lunch. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?" Damion asked. "Just little sleep and some nightmares. Nothing problematic." she answered him. "That's normal after a battle, specially the first one. It will passed." her cousin explained.
However, the nightmares were not about the battle, they were about her worries or the past. Joanna tried to stop thinking, to forget the past and to dive into a dreamless sleep. Nothing worked, therefore her only option was to ask the maestre for a sleep potion. "Do you still have it?" Joanna asked curious. "Sometimes. The past is a hard thing to forget." Damion answered her softly. "Is it possible to forget at all?" she asked trying to not sound desperate. Joanna was tired of a milion things running trough her mind all the time. "The things would be easy if it was." her cousin answered her softly and she sighed.
The rest of the afternoon, Joanna spent training in the yard. Not even swinging a sword seemed to calm her down, the flashes of the battle passed through her mind every time she delivered a blow. The blood, the dead, the screams, the battle cries, the smell, the pain, the rage...Joanna began to swing the sword so fast and with so much strenght that the dummy broke by the end of the evening. Then she put away the sword and left the yard to her room.
Joanna got to her room and saw the vial in the table. She was not hungry at all, all she could feel in that moment was rage, confusion and a bit of fear. Joanna wanted to rest, to truly rest. She wanted to lay in her bed, close her eyes and fall into a dreamless sleep. Without worries, without nightmares, without her brain working non-stop, just shut down everything and sleep. Maybe the potion will help, Joanna thought taking the vial in her hands carefully. After some time looking at it, she finally decided, I'll try, what can it do? It can't make things worse. Altought, I swear if I have one more fucking nightmare, I'll stop trying. And bear the nightmares and all the rest. Then she swallowed the liquid in the vial and instantly she felt tired and started to fall asleep...Woa,this is strong, she thought before shuting her eyes.
She was running through the corridors of Casterly Rock, the bells of the gates had rung. She got to the gates and saw a boy, her boy, the love of her life, but by then he was a man already, and a knight...she saw Podrick. She got to him and led him to her room, without a word. It was like she couldn't speak. When they got to the room, she looked at him and could finally speak, 'I missed you so much.' She did not know why she said that, it was the truth, but she would never admit it to his face, at least at that time. 'You left. You left to the Rock without a word. The whole city watch was looking for you. They said you tried to kill the King. Your father couldn't stop them, the only thing he could do was stoping  them from reaching here, somehow. Your brother send me here to find you.' he said with a biter tone and disapointment in his face. 'I...' she was saying. 'You what?! You didn't think that at least you could have said goodbeye?!' he said interupting her. Then, all of sudden, he disapeared and she was alone in the dark. 'You promised, you would always be there for me. Even if I got caught. Where are you now?' she heard Jaime saying. 'You said you would protect him and you tried to kill him. He is my son and your nephew. You swear you would protect him!' this time it was Cersei that talked. 'You left...you left us. Me, Sansa, Shae...Pod. You left us at Joffrey's and father's mercy.' then Tyrion said. However, all she could see was darkness. 'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I will make things right, I will!' she cried out. Somehow, her head was spinning. Then before she passed out, she heard, 'Why don't you go back to the Rock, then? Oh, wait, I know. You're afraid to loose your family. Look around you...you already have.' Joffrey's voice.
"I'm sorry!" Joanna cried out, waking up abruptly. Her heart was racing, she was shaking and all sweaty. Joanna took her hands to her eyes and took a deep breath, couting to ten. It was just a nightmare...nothing of that was real. Just my stupid conscience trying to scare me with my own concerns. Nothing more, Joanna thought to herself. The nightmare should have wasted her final hours of sleep, because outside the sun was already up in the sky. At least, she had slept the whole night. Joanna knew that none of what happened in the nightmare was real. She knew that none of the voices or what they had said were real, however a little voice inside her head kept whispering, 'what if it becomes real? It is possible? You can't read other people's minds.'.
Joanna got up and took off her training clothes from the day before and dressed fresh clothes. She was wearing a black dresslike tunic with red long sleeves and a golden lion embroided in the chest, black red leather pants and a pair of black boots. For comfort, she sheathed Sharp Claw at her waist. Then she left the room to have breakfast and begining the activities of the day, that included a meeting with the highlords, a visit through the camp with a look at the Lannister forces and recieving some visitor that, for some reason, no one could tell her who he was.
By the time that she was suposed to be recieving the visitor it was already sunset and Joanna was completely tired...her brain could only focus on the supid dream all day. The meeting took hours and it brought nothing of importance, only small problems of politics that Joanna hated, like whose land was that by right, how much did they charged for it, who was the owner before. At that times, Joanna felt sorry for the people who had to do these meetings everyday. Then, the visit through the camp had nothing of new, the same field, the same tents and the same men with the same skills.
Now, I have to recieve this mysterious guest and then that's it! Hopefully, this one will be more insteresting, if not faster than the others tasks, Joanna thought leanning on with her hands on the table, in the great hall. She heard the doors opened behind her, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to face the guest, when she heard a voice saying, "My dear niece, the Lannister at Casterly Rock. Just like your mother." Joanna opened her eyes suprised and turned immediately, "Aunt Genna?! Gods, I haven't seen you for so long.", she said walking to her aunt and giving her a hug. "How are you, sweetling? My gods, you are a woman now.", Genna said looking at her after separating from the hug. "I'm...holding up. Well, tomorrow I'll be 18..." Joanna was saying before her voice trailed off. Joanna almos forgot that in the next day she would turn 18 and she was alone just like every year since she was 14, nothing exited happening in her name day. I don't even know why I expected this year to be different, Joanna thought sadly. The thought must had been exposed in her face because everything was silenced and her aunt was looking at her with soft eyes. For as long as she remembered, her aunt took almost a mother role for her and her siblings, after their mother died, at least until Cersei married, then duty made her leave the Rock, even if against her will. Joanna was enternally gratefull for that. "Anyway. How are you, aunt? Did my father sent you here?" Joanna asked triyng to hide her sadness. Genna looked at her and then at the guards, Joanna understood that whatever her aunt had to say, it must be said in private, therefore Joanna led her to her room and sent off the guards.
Once inside the room, her aunt took her hands and watched them atently. They were better than when she left KingsLanding, however they were still a little purple from the bruises and still hurted a little, besides the riding to the Rock and the pratice with the sword did not help the healing. As soon as her aunt took her hands, Joanna instantly knew that her father had told her what had happened. "They are better, still they will take sometime to be completly healed." Joanna said, looking at her. "I suposse you don't rest as much I you should to help the healing." her aunt said with a giggle. Joanna nodded and smiled. "Your father told me what happened. He asked me to come here and check on you. Joanna, I know you are not alright. It's right there on your face. Do you want to talk about it?" her aunt said softly looking at her. Joanna sat on the bed and sighed. "It's just that...One moment I had it all and now it's all falling apart. One moment I was with my brothers and my sister and the kids. And then I went back here alone, without my family. Then when Jaime came back, I thought that it would finally be like it used to be. But everything changed. Tyrion was being held by the Starks and Cersei was a completely different person. Joffrey is a monster and now he is King. Then when Tyrion came back, the Starks got Jaime. I solved things with Cersei, only to make all fall apart again. And now I'm here again. Alone again. And this time it's my fault. I left them. I left Tyrion, I left Sansa and Shae...I left Pod, without even saying goodbeye. I...I...I don't know what to do. I want to make things right." Joanna explained, helding the tears. What she said was almost everything she felt, just some details were left out. Joanna trusted her aunt always, however somethings were better be left alone, kept only with her. "Listen to me, sweet girl. You are not alone and you can't make things right, because it isn't your fault that they are wrong. As of your brothers, even if they are not here now, they are with you always. Just like your sister. Cersei is not easy to deal with and you two are as different as the sun and the moon. But you are sisters no matter what, you will work things out." her aunt told her, sitting beside her. "This time we can't work things out. I know it, she knows it. We just can't, we are different and our personalities are so strong that entered in conflit. And then Joffrey, well, is Joffrey." Joanna rebuted, playing with her fingers in her lap. "Joffrey is a spoil brat, I know. And as far as your father told me you beat the hell out of him. That should teach him something, I hope." Genna assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Maybe. Do you have any word of Tyrion or Jaime, aunt Genna? I don't know anything about them. Had you not show up, I'd be off here to find Jaime in two days." Joanna said honestly, looking at her. She was going to start preparing things to leave that day. Her new armour was already ordered in the smith and she had already asked for some maps to be sent to her room. Normally, she would not reveal her plans to anyone, however she knew she could trust her aunt and that Genna would never tell her father or judge her for it. "Tyrion is allright. He has a scar, but nothing more. As of Jaime, he escaped aparently. But no one knows, where he is now." her aunt answered. "I have to find him. I promised him. Then maybe, I can return to the capital." Joanna said hopefully. Now, it's my chance, Joanna thought to herself. "Easy, girl. Your father wants you back in the capital. He said that you are ready to return." Genna said seriously. "Why does my father want me to return? I mean, I stroke the King. I can't be around him or Cersei, without getting angry. He knows I will do anything to protec Sansa, which is the enemy now and to protec Tyrion, who he hates more than anyone. Why does he want me back in there after all of this?" Joanna asked confused, getting up and walking through the room. I knew I had to go back at a certain point. But does it have to be now? I mean...it's like he guessed that I was getting out of here, Joanna thought irritated. "That I do not know. He did not tell me, but he was very clear that after tomorrow you'd have to leave. I couldn't change his mind, I tried." Genna explained. "So my father asked you to make sure I hadn't run off, didn't he?" Joanna asked sadly, looking at her. Not that she did not plan to run off, just that it was still anoying that her father knew her plans so easily. I really am a terrible liar, Joanna thought to herself fustrated. "Pretty much, sweetling. I'm sorry. But there must be something good in coming back to the capital for you." her aunt said trying to cheer her up. "First, thank you aunt Genna for trying to change my father's mind and for coming here. And second, well, there is something. I mean someone. I have two friends, Sansa Stark and Shae. I know that Sansa is a Stark, but she is inocent and a really though girl...I have other person as well that started out as a friend, however I think he is more than that for me now. His name is Podrick Payne. He is Tyrion's squire." Joanna explained trying to not blush. "See. Hold on to that while you're there. It will be fine, I promised you. Whatever your father wants, it will be easier if you have someone there beside you. And that Podrick must be a really nice lad to steal your heart." Genna said sofltly and smiling. "He really is and he will make an excellent knight someday. At least, when Jaime returns, we will be there toghether...all of us." Joanna said looking for a bright side. "That's my girl. You are just like your mother, do you know that?" her aunt said, walking to her and holding her cheek with one hand. "So I hear people saying. Thank you again for coming here, aunt Genna. I really needed someone close to talk to." Joanna thanked her aunt. "You do not need to thank me, sweet nice. Now, let's talk about tomorrow. There will have to be something you want to do." Genna said taking a sit at the table. Joanna took the sit next to her and said, "No, there's nothing I'd like to do actually. Let's just catch up and spend some good time toghether before I go back to the capital." Joanna said honestly. After her first nameday in the Rock alone, she swore to herself that the next time she celebrated her nameday it would be only when she was with her family, all her family. By then, Joanna had come to terms with that and no longer felt sad about not celebrating her nameday, only felling sorry to have to spend it without all her family, specially her brothers and even her sister.
The next day, they did exactly as she wished. Just talked and walked. They talked about her childhood and how were the things at the Twins and at the Rock. At some point, Joanna had to ask, "Why does everyone keep saying I'm just like my mother, aunt Genna? As far as I know, she was a lady. I'm no lady." "You have her spirit and her looks. She may have been a lady in the eyes of men, but she was a warrior. Me and your mother could not pratice sword fighting or anything else, besides sweeing, but we would if we could. You are your mother's daughter, never forget that Joanna." her aunt answered softly and proud of her. Even if there were no celebrations, the meals were her favourite still, that part she could not change, even if she tried. By the end of the day, Joanna was 18. That felt good at least. Now, I'm a full grown up woman. I am and will always be a lioness. Just like my mother and sister, I will never forget that,  people better not forget it either, Joanna told herself later alone in her room, lying in the bed and looking at the ceiling. That night she managed to finally get some rest. Joanna did not dream and slept all night, which was good because when dawn came, she headed to KingsLanding after saying farewell to her aunt and packing her things. Joanna took her plans to go find her brother with her. She did not know what was waiting her at KingsLanding and if things went wrong nothing would stop her from getting off there, into the North or South, denpended on the news, if there were any...