Hendrix ✓

8 ★ Despair

𝔻𝕖𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣 - 𝕐𝕖𝕒𝕙 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕙 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕙𝕤

"Oh despair

you'll always be there"

Hendrix POV

I'm gasping for air when I enter the apartment in a clumsy hurry. I slam the thick door closed with purpose, taking out my frantic emotions on it. I brace myself against it for a few minutes while I catch my breath and attempt to gather my bearings.

The apartment is empty, and I couldn't be more thankful for it. Miranda and Stacey are both in school at the moment. Neither of them will be home until the afternoon. I have plenty of time to hide away and wallow in my strange new discovered emotions.

Every single time I close my eyes, I see him. Professor Riley. Those scars, that face. I just want to kiss him. I want him so bad. Too bad.

I bite my lip hard when I reach my room. Sitting down at the edge of the mattress, I stare at my record player with suddenly tear filled eyes. Riding my bicycle home, I didn't cry once, but now the sorrow is back.

My turntable sits on my desk, taking up the whole surface with my speakers, stereo, and receiver. My set-up for listening to some dusty old records is ridiculous according to anyone who sees it and doesn't truly know me for who I am. Maybe it is ridiculous and I'm just in denial.

My best friends know what it means to me though, so they don't tease me the way other people do. I don't even have room to do homework on the desktop. All of my school work is accomplished on the floor or in bed, but I don't mind.

I can't stop myself from thinking about him despite my attempt at a distraction. Of course I have kissed boys, passionately I might add. I've gone on dates, had boyfriends. But never have I felt more drawn to a person than I am to him, and we haven't even spoken to each other!

How silly is that?!

My next class isn't until tomorrow, thankfully, but I have to be at work by 4:30 for the dinner rush. I dread it. How can I concentrate on my job when all I can think about is my smoking hot professor?

That could be an issue.

Slipping a record free of its sleeve, I flicker on my turntable and play some music. Closing my eyes shut tight, I let the words and melody run over me like warm water from above. I sigh, locking my bedroom door before sinking down onto my bed.

I feel like a little kid again as I tunnel under the covers like it's a secret fort. My eyes bat shut, the music on the record player continues to crackle and pop through the speakers and into my dim room. Now this is what puts me at ease.

Ruby red, jagged scars worm their way into my mind and my breath catches in my lungs, trapping the air in my body.

Don't think. Don't think. Don't think.

But think I do, oh I do. Professor Riley is all I can think about... and that very embarrassing scene I cause. Why do I have to be such a spaz? I cringe hard, and tears fill my eyes. What is happening to me?

I've never felt emotions like this before. Emotions that are so strong that I hardly know what to do with myself. I've had my fair share of hormones, of course. I'm a teenage girl for goodness sake. But, having so many emotions at the mere thought of someone I don't even know is bizarre, and just plain weird. I can't explain it.

His eyes still haunt me. Dark and brooding, but not quite right, as if the brown color doesn't quite fit his face. And then there's his face. He's not handsome in the normal style, but like a mountain man or a ferocious warrior you read about in fairy tales. But this is no fairy tale. There's no such thing.

My Daddy is enough to remind me of that. The tears are flowing freely already, so I don't mind thinking about him. I typically cry when I think of the jerk that left my mom and I behind for another woman. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing does.

That's why I need to stay far away from men. Forever. I don't need no man. I am a strong, independent woman. Men just break your heart.

But still though. I have a crush on my professor. It's hard to admit, hard to fathom. Here I am, minding my own business when BAM, a beautiful person falls into my lap. A beautiful person I didn't even ask for!

Oh but his jaw covered in dark stubble, I would love to run my hand across it while we kiss.

I shake my head, trying my hardest to dislodge the ignorant idea. I'm sure every other girl in the class thought the same thing when they saw him, and most of them are way prettier than me. I'm sure he'd much rather kiss one of them instead of me, he probably won't look twice at messy hair, Daddy issues Hendrix.

I wonder if Professor Riley gets tired of young girls ogling him. If he's a professor I'm sure he gets it all the time. He is outrageously handsome. No one should be that handsome.

Man, I'm falling hard. Suddenly, an idea pops into my head and before I know it I'm reaching over and digging through the drawer of my nightstand until I find it, a picture frame. Not a very big picture frame, but it's important nevertheless.

In it is a picture of the man who I despise and love all at the same time. I glare down at the picture of my Daddy, wishing more than anything I could see him again. I don't really know what I would do if I saw him. I would cry, that's for sure, but would I curse in his face or beg him to come back?

I'm not sure, even as I brush my fingertips over his face through the glass. I'd like to think I would be angry, but my dreams say something else. Every time I dream of him I want to hug him and ask him why.

Why would you leave me and Mama? How could you? Don't you love us?

I still remember the day my Mama told me he left us. I asked her a very similar question. I asked her if my Daddy stopped loving us, and she said that he found something he loved a little more.

Tears blur my vision and drop down on the picture with a splatter.

That will never be me. Not again.

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     If you're reading this, you're a beautiful person:)

     Sorry for the short chapter! I tried to get two chapters up today, but I've had a hard week and didn't have a lot of time to write.

     I'm sorry! I still love you all very much

     Next chapter will be up on Tuesday! See you then y'all