Around The World And Back

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"One step back and two steps forward."

Drifting back into consciousness, I was miraculously still on the couch with Daryl. The side of my face was rested against his chest, gently lifting and lowering with each of his breaths. The air was peaceful until I remembered our argument from yesterday. I still couldn't believe I said something like that. Better yet, I couldn't believe how much Daryl and I have danced around it for this long.

"Mornin', Mrs. Dixon," Daryl sleepily muttered above me. I couldn't help the way his words made me blush.

"You gonna call me that every day now?" I teased.

"If I have to."

I huffed out a small laugh at his statement before we went back into our comfortable silence. Well, it was somewhat comfortable.

My mind wandered endlessly through fear and doubt and anger. I knew how difficult this decision was for him to make and execute and then I went and told him I'd throw back his ring. Why can't our happiness stay longer than a day? Why does everything good have to be short-lived?

"God, can you stop thinking so loud?" Daryl groaned, placing a hand over my eyes.

"What makes you say I'm thinking?" I asked as I pushed his hand away.

"I know you, B. Don't be stupid."

He had a point. It's exactly the same reason why I'm frustrated he won't tell me what happened out there.

Daryl tapped on my arm, signaling me to sit up with him. He still laid sprawled out on the couch. I rested against his chest once again, my back on his front, as he loosely wrapped his arms around me.

"I didn't mean what I said," I mumbled out, my voice timid and frail. "Never in a million years would I throw this ring back at you."

Daryl remained quiet at my confession. I'm sure he knew it already but it must be relieving to hear me say it. He just rested his cheek against my head.

"I was scared, Daryl. No one knew where you were. And I know we've had these situations in the past but it just feels different now."

And that was the truth; things did feel different now. I didn't really know if it was the marriage, apocalypse, string of recent events, or some fucked up combination of the three. Things have been messy and we've barely had a chance to clean anything up.

" 'M sorry for yelling at you," he apologized. "I know you didn't mean it and that you were scared. So much was going on when I got back I just didn't even know where to start."

Hearing Daryl admit this with the broken tone in his voice hurt me. I felt like an even bigger asshole for saying the shit I did.

"I won't force you to tell me anything, but I don't want you to keep this inside forever. And I'll be here when you're ready."

Daryl took his time before answering. He shifted his arms around me, holding me more securely.

"I wasn't lying when I said I got lost," he told me. "I ended up getting taken by some people but got away. I took some others with me. They took my bow and bike. They were running from their own community. I eventually found Sasha and Abraham and we managed to get back here."

It was now my turn to remain quiet. He didn't fully lie to me. His story made me hold onto him a little tighter.

"When I got back," he continued, "I saw you with Carl. I was freaking out to see you beaten like that. I just had to go home to get my shit together so I wouldn't hurt you by accident or somethin'. By the time you got here, I was so mentally drained I didn't even know how to process anything."

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