Conversationals

49. Prone To Jealousy

Remember that time you witnessed someone doing so much better than you in the test,
He's Mr. Popular & Smart,
I thought I could have proven a decency of intelligence,
Guess that's not meant for me,
I tried to be the best,
But what's the point when no one likes you anyway?
I get jealous,
some can tell,
some can't.

I roll my eyes because I'm so green,
It feels like a few drops of water splattered on your face at first, but now, even in the closed shelter, the rain drowns you.
I'm so so prone to jealousy.

For me,
It takes time to admit when I'm trying to get a hold of my emotions, they're driving me wild, and I just can't seem to understand, why?
Why me?
Why all the time?
I'm so prone to jealousy.

I might make excuses for my mistakes,
Give a reason for someone's fame, (cough cough)
Leave everyone in pieces and go home and break down my robot as they say...
But, no, I say, I'm just so tired of being prone to jealousy.

I cry thinking about how you always do better than me,
I remember the things you did to deserve what you get,
I never deserved anything,
What I got, what I didn't,
Maybe I didn't try hard enough,
Maybe... maybe I'm just too prone to jealousy,
I can understand,
Someone help me,
I feel like killing,
'I knew my killery side...'

Those times,
I remember them all too well,
Why?
I just do,
I'm not a part of
your supreme leaders' group,
I'll never be,
Just because I know you,
Doesn't mean I know that people you know.

You said I should've voted for myself, I would've been one of you.

I said I didn't want to be selfish, I wanted someone else to do the voting because it would actually be sincere.

You said I changed, maybe and hopefully you're joking,
I don't hate anyone, truly,
I just say things for fun,
Have you met me?

I said I never want to change,
I never want to erase my fate,
Whatever's down the road,
Whatever it is,
I'll face it,
I don't need to be saved,
I don't need this future, perhaps,
Or maybe I'm overthinking again and again...

Oh, why am I so prone to jealousy,
I'm in my dark room,
Lights off,
I'm reflecting,
Oh boy, don't you know I'm thinking deep,
I'm remembering the bad blood that went cold,
I'm remembering that I've a problem,
I'm so very tirelessly and wirelessly prone to the green emotion I dread so much,
Jealousy...