Conversationals

81. New Combinations

I feel like I'm stuck in a forever dream,
I feel dizzy with the pain of it,
I'm so tired of the restless slumber I've been getting,
thinking of it.

The new combinations came out on 25 October 2019,
I couldn't wrap my head around what it's been doing to me,
I've been waking up at 7am,
I've been putting this thought at the back of the waiting list,
I'm just tired that they changed it,
I'm just so tired of everything.

The days before,
The days after,
I've been waking up,
Feeling like I'm not there,
Not in my body,
Forgetting things,
I'm so sorry.

I get hit in the head,
Déjà vu, coming back again,
Eyes almost open and almost shut,
What can I do with the new combinations messing with my mind,
So much that I can't rhyme no more,
It's keeping me up at night, eating me like dinner and dessert.

I'm looking up at the ceiling above,
I'm already so sad, I can't cry no tears anymore,
I'm just fed up with the 'grown-ups' and 'professionals' just changing things as and when they want.
I'm just sick of it,
They don't understand the meaning of understanding.

They could say they're doing this for the betterment of our future,
They could lie so easily,
They could get paid for destroying lives by changing things that were better the way it was.

Maybe, I'm ranting,
Maybe...
Maybe, I'm tired,
Maybe...
Maybe, I'm just feeling like my soul ain't with my heart nor my mind,
Maybe...
Does anyone feel this way?

If you ask me what happened yesterday,
I could probably tell you,
But with this in my head,
I can't picture it perfectly like I used to do,
I guess I'm tired, and you don't have to listen to me,
But I'm just saying that these new combinations are changing the playing field, starting the wars in my brain,
I wouldn't have believed you if you said that this was how I'd be feeling during these trying days, a year ago...

I know what I'm doing,
I know where I am,
But I just don't feel like I'm really there,
Look what it's done,
Hope it's had its fun and can finally run along and not add the disaster on my life.

I want a career,
I want to be many things,
A professor, a scientist, a lawyer, a singer/writer,
But it's not possible anymore because in life only certain choices get you somewhere you want to be,
But when you want to be yourself,
people don't just let you be,
isn't it sickening.

Plastic and fabric woven face,
I need something to radiate my life to make me feel alright so that...

With a mix of emotions,
I'm stuck in nightmare-like daydream,
And I need someone to slap me out of this lifeless feeling.
I'm weak, I'm bound to break,
and with these new combinations driving my mind,
I'm in the back seat,
I need a vaccine to clear my mind of tiring thoughts,
I'm exhausted, do you hear me?