what you can't have (b.e.)

grow

A/N: just... thank you <3

inspo: grow, conan gray

~

I finally can breathe, I think I'm ready for only you and me...

Mila's POV:

"Hey, wake up," Billie shakes my shoulder and I groan, confused when I glance out her window and see the sky still pitch-black, with faint traces of neighboring city lights casting shadows on her floor.

"Why though?" I whimper, fighting with her for the extra inch of blanket that she always insists on keeping. It's light enough for me to see a suspicious smile gradually lift up the corners of her lips as she leans in to whisper, as if we're in a crowded room and not alone in her room.

"Wanna sneak out?"

My heart races a little at the idea, even though I'd have no idea where to go. It doesn't really matter, you don't sneak out to really go somewhere, it's more about the excitement of the possibility of getting caught.

"Aren't you grounded, Billie?" I tease and she shrugs, already sitting up as if I said yes.

"Technically, so are you," she comes back with that and I can't fight that logic, so I stretch my arms above my head and crawl off the side of her bed. I almost double over when I see her already dressed from head-to-toe in black, and watch as she pulls some black mask with holes cut out in the eyes and mouth over her head.

"Okay, Spider-man, it's not that serious," I grin, and she turns on some lowlights to her room. The mask covers everything almost, making her blue eyes pop more than I've ever seen them do before. I pull up the mask to the bridge of her nose and plant a kiss on her lips like MJ and Peter Parker except gay.

Billie pulls off the rest of it, sending her hair everywhere, with little pieces of it sticking out from the static. Then she turns around and jogs towards her closet, dressing me in an oversized black hoodie and sweatpants that hang low.

"Holy shit, I kinda get why you dress like this now," I remember to whisper, and she does a little bow before already pulling on my wrist and dragging me towards the window. Something jingles in her pocket when she makes the little jump, and her chains rustle against each other, practically her signature sound by now.

When I hesitate for not even a few seconds perched on the windowsill, Billie rolls her eyes up at me and taps her foot.

"Aw, you're scared," she smirks and I immediately flip her off, and jump to the ground in front of her. We pause for a second just standing there, and I wonder if this is as far as we're gonna get with an impulsive decision. But then Billie drags me along again, bending her head down as we cross in front of the front windows and make our way to her car. I cringe because it's probably gonna be loud enough to wake up her parents, but the sound might blend in with the others around, or it might not. I don't think either of us really care since we're already grounded which doesn't really mean anything anyway.

Five minutes later, we're speeding down the road headed for the highway, when Billie opens up the sunroof and we share a look that doesn't require spoken words. Her fingers spin the dial on the stereo to max volume, then roll down the rest of the windows. Wind rushes in and our hair whips around in all directions as she pulls on a big road, as empty as it can get in the city after midnight.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and check the mirrors for nearby cops, seeing none and not really giving a shit anyway, I sit up on my knees and peek my head out of the top of the sunroof. Wind blows so strong it pops my ears and I can't hear anything except the sound of my heart beating in my ears. I think I hear Billie screaming along to the sound, and I go for it, raising both of my hands in the air like they could grab the clouds in my fists and hold them there for just a second.