what you can't have (b.e.)

blue jeans

A/N: THE XANNY MV IS SO GOOD. i've seen a lot of ppl complaining that there was no 'big twists' but i feel like the point of music videos are to represent the song, and she did that beautifully and proved she can literally rock any hair color. okay anyways where were we..

inspo: blue jeans, lana del rey

~

Then they took you away, stole you out of my life, you just need to remember...

Billie's POV:

I check the time, scared that I only have a few minutes before my mom knocks on the door and tells me we have to leave, for real this time. I know if I tell her I'm leaving, it'll just make things more complicated. I rip out a piece of paper from my notebook and write down where I'm meeting Mila, in case anything happens. But, I tell her not to be mad and chase after me, that I'll be back as soon as I can.

I feel uneasy, I know something is wrong about this situation, but I can't place it. I just know Mila, I know how she texts, I know how she acts. She may be unpredictable, but I know her so well and love her so much that I can still pick up on cues. When Mila runs off, she doesn't text, because she hates asking for help and will do anything to not be a burden, even if it makes the situation more complex.

That's how I know she's not okay.

If Mila wanted to come back, she would just show up, she wouldn't ask me to meet her, especially since we're on tour.

I slowly open the door and plan to quickly turn the corner and book it towards the door. I make it out without anyone noticing, but as soon as I hit the corner, I run right into Finneas.

"What are you doing?" he says it with a sigh, like he already knows I'm making a stupid mistake. I try to hold myself back from mimicking him in a high-pitched voice and just shrug instead.

"Nowhere, I mean, nothing..."

Fuck.

"Billie, whatever it is, you know I'm not going to tell you not to do it or lecture you, I'm here to help so that nothing bad happens," he cracks down on me and I give up and tell him the situation.

"I'll go with you," he says right away, not a question. I cross my arms and shake my head, feeling frustrated.

"No, I don't need help, I got this," I shrug him off and try to walk past him but he grabs my arm and pulls me back like it's nothing.

"Fine. But if you're not back in twenty minutes I'm coming after you," he promises and I reluctantly nod.

I walk out the door, feeling this twisting in my gut, a fear manifesting over what's waiting for me, or for what's not waiting for me. I just never know.

But I feel strength in the sense that I'm confident Mila knows I love her and wouldn't give up easily.

I will love you till the end of time, I would wait a million years...

Mila's POV:

My eyelashes flutter open, which I only know is happening because I can feel it. I can also feel my heart start to race as I realize my eyes are open but my world is still pitch-black.

And I finally understand all the metaphors circling around light, comparing it to something hopeful. I understand how powerful a light at the end of the tunnel can be, because in this darkness, I can't see any hope.

So I try to feel for it. My movements seem unnatural as I try to stand, like I'm learning how to walk all over again. Even though I can't see, I feel like someone else sees me, like I'm a rat in a cage observed for an experiment. What will she do now? How will she try and escape?