what you can't have (b.e.)

flamin' hot cheetos

A/N: calm before the storm :))))

inspo: flamin' hot cheetos, clairo

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Sometimes I feel like I just wanna go back to my old ways...

Mila's POV:

~3 weeks later~

The walls here are just as white. But this place is mine, I don't feel like a hostage. It's safe, even though I'm alone. Because I made a promise and for once, I don't feel the urge to run.

"So wait, Billie is here? I'm confused," I hunch forward and my stomach screams in pain. But I have to know what's going on. Finneas runs his hand through his hair and I can see all the stress he's carrying that I didn't notice before. Something else is happening.

"Mila... I wasn't sure how to tell you this. And I'm only going to tell you if you make a promise to me," he finally speaks after a long pause. I look back up to the ceiling.

"Whatever, sure. Just tell me."

"No, I'm being really serious with you," he emphasizes and I feel more afraid than before.

"Okay, for real. I promise, whatever it is, just tell me what happened."

"Billie's here... as a patient," his words break my glass heart. I don't say anything, just wait, hoping this isn't serious, that she just fell down the stairs and broke her ankle again or something.

"She cut her wrists... bad. We found her passed out and--yeah. She's okay though, physically," Finneas struggles to speak, you can tell he's going to have nightmares about this forever.

I feel so guilty. This is all my--

"This isn't your fault. I know you're going to think it is, but it's no ones fault. Billie struggled with this before you two even knew each other, she's just good at downplaying how she's feeling and putting everyone else in her life before herself," he cuts off my thoughts.

"So I am bad for her, because if she didn't know me, she would have put herself first instead of me and..." I don't finish my sentence. And maybe she'd be okay.

"It doesn't really work like that. If it wasn't you, it would've been somebody else, a friend, family, anyone. And I ignored it and didn't think it would get this bad, but now that it has, I can't just sit and watch anymore," Finneas looks away and I already know what's coming, and I already promised.

"Not that I don't think you should be together, but I think you need some time apart to both get in better places--"

"But that's the thing. I don't have any place to go, I swallowed the pills because I had nowhere to go and no one left," I start crying again, remembering all the reasons I had forgotten.

"Don't worry about that. We'll find you your own place and you can go back to school or do it online if that makes you feel better, and find you a therapist... I'm so sorry that after everything you've gone through, nobody ever was strong enough to help you. Maybe this isn't my place but I want to help," Finneas admits and I feel so, fucking lucky. I wonder what would've happened if I never spoke to Billie. I'd be trapped in that place with my dad or in a toxic friendship with Jennifer. But now, it's like I have all the people I need.

"So is that the promise then? Cause I can do that, for sure," I start to get excited, even hopeful.

"I think you and Billie need a few months apart."

My phone chimes and it's another dm from Billie, she's been making fake accounts to message me on Instagram so no one will know.

please talk to me mila i fucking miss u