what you can't have (b.e.)

last kiss

A/N: what's up

inspo: last kiss, taylor swift 

~

The words that you whispered, for just us to know. You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?

Billie's POV:

"Do you know where you're going yet?" the Uber driver sighs, checking her watch in an obnoxious way. I shake in the backseat, feeling the cold rain soaked into my pants start to cling to the skin underneath. The warning signs of panic start to check off one by one: my knees shaking, fingers trembling, breaths growing short and not letting any air into my lungs.

Just breathe... Where is she?

"I-- I don't know, I-" I stutter, frantically looking out the fogged up windows as if Mila's eyes would be there to meet mine. The feeling of loss is eternal, it's a hole in the middle of my chest that sometimes I forget is there until someone touches me and I feel something is missing. I'm missing and I can't find myself or her.

I open up my phone, and I push through the wall of anxiety and press on Mila's number. I cover up the little heart next to her name with my thumb. Too scared to place my phone against my ear, too scared to hear what could be waiting on the other line, I just leave it in my lap.

But it's no use because the call goes straight to voicemail.

"Fuck!" I cry pathetically, fighting against the anger in me to chuck my phone out the window. My thumb shakes uncontrollably now, and accidentally presses some buttons. I glance at the phone through blurry tears and see Snapchat opened up. I squeeze my hand into a fist then let it go, but the shaking doesn't stop and my thumb jerks upwards, opening up snap map.

"Fuck..." I repeat, realizing what I just did. I don't really add anyone on this app cause normally I think it's stupid, but it's like a rare visit from an angel in this moment. Mila's the only character that pops up, like even my phone knows she's all I need. My eyes scan over the street name, and it says she was last active 20 minutes ago.

"Drive!" I command, like it's the end of the movie now. I'm the guy chasing after the girl after she misinterpreted the situation and he needs to run out in the street without shoes and hail a taxi, dive in out of breath and scream "drive!"

Except life isn't exactly like the movies.

"Calm the fuck down, I can't drive if you don't tell me where to go!" she screams back at me. For the first time in what feels like years at this point, I grin so wide the hole in my chest starts to narrow a little, and I show her the name of the street.

I do recall now, the smell of the rain, fresh off the pavement, I ran off the plane...

Mila's POV:

"Shit," I whisper to myself, watching my phone screen fade to black. The silence is deafening, cut off right in the middle of me listening to 'Ocean Eyes' on a loop. I never thought about it before, but there's so much feeling to the way she sings it; the person she pictured in her head must have been special. I can already feel me ruining the song for myself, so I fall all the way down the rabbit hole. If I'm gonna be sad, may as well feel it completely and not try and pretend.

My heart shrivels a little when I repeat the lyrics in my head, thinking of her in love with some perfect looking boy with blue eyes. She probably thought he was the one, but then she got over it. With me. And I hate it, but I picture the future, her falling for somebody else. Her growing so famous I'd have to see paparazzi pictures of them messily kissing in the rain and holding hands at fancy dinners and her leaping into their arms after winning a Grammy.