I Can't Eat Love

Part 23

 "I'm so glad you could come and visit me!" Queen Amerande smiled excitedly at me while she poured tea.

I took my cup, one sip confirming that she had brewed it strong and sweet, exactly how I liked it. She had always taken small details like this into consideration, despite her high status. It was hard not to feel comfortable around her.

"Well, your letters were... delayed, and I felt I should apologize in person for my rudeness in not responding sooner."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about rudeness, I'm just glad that you're doing well! If I hadn't heard anything soon I might have broken down the doors to your home to find you!"

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"Has the Queen answered any of my letters?" I hugged myself, sitting in the chair by the fire in my room.

Angela stared at me with a pitying expression. "No, Milady."

"Do you think she might stop by?" My voice cracked on the last word, my distress all too obvious.

I felt a gentle hand pat my shoulder, offering little comfort. "Why should she? You're no longer useful to her."

I slumped in my seat. It made sense. That was why my own mother hated me after all.

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I pushed back the bitter memory, Looking at her enthusiastic expression, I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I would have liked to see Hallers face on how to deal with the Queen breaking down the door."

Queen Amerande grinned. "I suppose he would already have tea ready to serve, and would offer to brush the debris from my coat."

We both laughed at that. Feeling refreshed, I bent forward, taking another sip from my tea.

"... You've changed, dear."

Her soft statement caught my attention, and I paused in my action, almost burning myself. She was studying me with a happy look, seeming almost near tears.

"Changed?"

"You're happier, more relaxed... That's the first time you've given me a true smile in years." She sighed. "I never wanted to push you, but I'm just so relieved we can spend time like this!"

I felt shocked. Had I changed? I thought about all the time we had spent together over the years, her unrelenting love and support. The contents of the letters she sent me after the engagement was broken, assuring that she still loved me as her own daughter, no matter what. Her relief and tears just at the sight of me smiling. Even now I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but confusion held me back.

Why is this life so different?!

I felt torn, wanting to keep away from her, to protect myself of the agony I had gone through in my last life. But it was harder than I expected.

I wanted to believe her.

After all, Prince Ronan had dropped me, and here she was, just as loving as before.

Could I have misunderstood things in my last life?

A cold shard of pure terror pierced my chest at the thought. I shook my head, forcing my mind away from these thoughts, afraid that if I examined them too closely, all my defenses would fall apart.

And so my only response to the Queen's declaration of my change was a silent shrug.

Her smile drooped a small amount, but she still looked happy. "Baby steps." I heard a soft mutter as she moved to sit on the couch next to me, decreasing our distance. "Now tell me all about how you have been since Ronan's horrible lapse in judgment."