Behind My Eyes

Drunk

This is what it feels like- stumbling over life's floor.
Blurred vision, can't sit still.
In my throat, spitting liquid.
From my nose the breaths are deeper.
My brain is high on swollen vessels.
My fingers brush my lips, they quiver... pale, and white, and cracked.
Angry and confused, so pitiful is this party.
Sunken into the fire, reaching out for you.
Waiting for you to call my name.
Bottles full, all spill over me like alcohol and rain.
Sucking on my lip.
Sucking on my thumb.
Dizzy thoughts sucking up my strength.
No control.
Somebodies ghost, but my shadows' disappeared.
Hazy, and cloudy, and stupid, and weak.
Too young to begin to comprehend.
I want you to notice, but you don't seem to notice anything past the laughter I hear coming from the other room.
What I want to go to you, goes to everyone else.
But really I just miss you.
I don't want anyone else.
While the words I'm not saying are pilling up, words you said, are filling the empty spaces, pouring in... causing cracks, ....turning in the pit of my stomach.
Holding onto every compliment and "I love you."
Because lately I feel they mean nothing...
Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am bad.
Attention only in exchange for a favor?
Those gestures sink in like shots of liquor.
... I can't even talk to you.
I can't even ignore these silly thoughts, because she's always right there, in the way.
Keeping you busy from everyone else, like me.
I almost hate her for it, ...like the others, ... making the intoxication stronger.
I'm now wandering if these meaningless thoughts flowing on my covers will reach you.
I'm taking a break and I'm staying away.
Here -it isn't lonely, here it isn't frustrating.
Here- I'm doing way more than I would there anyways.
Here- my liveliness, words and thoughts, belong to me.
Here -I'm seen as how I see myself!
... Will you seek me?
Will you miss me?
Will you notice?
Will you care?
Because if it makes me stronger, ... I'm never coming back.
I'd rather be sober.