unFRIENDLY RIVALRY: countryhumans

Tossing and Turning

 

  It was long past midnight already, but these two troubled souls kept tossing and turning in their beds.

  Although divided by such a long distance, both seemed to suffer from the same condition- overthinking.

  Germany shuffled in his bed, covering his face with the satin fabric of the pillow, memories from just a few hours ago still very vividly present in his mind.

  His insomniac-like behaviour was partially due to the bicoloured country's words; the more he thought of it, the more he agreed with certain things he had told him. He never payed much attention to just how much some people were sucking up to him, and even when he did notice he just thought that it must've been his charisma or personality that attracted others to him, not money or status.

The other issue was the Poland's long list of people that supposably hate him; a list that had Germany in it.
As much as he wanted to agree with that point and as much as he found him annoying, deep down he knew he couldn't agree.

  If only he could go back a little bit and stop himself from doing any of it before he started to have such a tremendous impact on him, his reputation would've been saved and he would be spared from the torture of having his thoughts and feelings wrestle with eachother every damn night.

  He wanted to dislike him for such a long time now, but he couldn't...
Yet he didn't regret it, seeing Poland from a different perspective was an eye-opening experience for him.

He had finally realised that he isn't just confrontational for the sake of being a nuisance to him, that he really wasn't as cold and unemotional as he appeared to be and perhaps, what pained him the most was the fact that in spite of his strong will and personality, some words really did hurt him.

  However all of those thoughts were intertwined with a contradictory and bizzare sensation.

  The feeling of the white, soft skin and the smell of his cologne clinging onto his button up shirt was locked in his head. Although these were mere memories they still brought a sense of a rush to his head, making his heart beat speed up the pace and breathing slightly shaky.

A wave of heat washed over his face as he remembered the firm yet soothing grip of the other country's hands around his waist, his greedy subconscious begging for more.

He couldn't understand his own feelings.

Why ? He asked himself.

Why must his emotions play with him in such a cruel way?

But he wasn't the only one whose thoughts effectively disrupted sleep, as the white and red country layed on his bed, arms crossed on his chest.

He's been thinking everything through thoroughly, remembering every detail and every word of the conversation.

Although UK's comments hurt his dignity and broken his trust in him even further than before, that didn't seem to bother him as much as Germany's complicated behavioural patterns that were just too difficult for him to comprehend.

From incredibly offensive jokes and mockery, to sudden hugs and imposed acts of kindness.
None of it made the slightest bit of sense to him.

Just a few minutes before the incident he seemed appalled by the prospect of any form of physical contact with him. It was quite clear by the way he hissed at him after dodging that chair, but then just a few moments later, without a warning or an invitation, he practically throws himself onto him.

Although it was hard for him to admit it, he didn't dislike Germany as much as Germany appeared to dislike him.

Yes, he did think that Germany was pretentious with his jokes, sometimes even rather crude and obnoxious, and yes, he hated the way in which the tricoloured country seemed to enjoy and rejoice in making his life miserable. However, he didn't think as badly of Germany as he would of him, or so he thought.
Something about it made him upset beyond his own reasoning.

Maybe it's the fact that he didn't think that his animosity was fully justified, or because it had a lot of horrendous memories attached to it, or maybe he just wanted him to feel accepted in a way.

He had a tendency to develop a sense of attachment to the people he shouldn't have, this was most likely caused by nothing more but his loneliness. Although, he learnt to live with it after so many years, some things he just couldn't control. One of those things was people growing on him, no matter if they actually liked him back or not, as long as they weren't a threat and had some friendly interactions with him they were on his good side.

He always believed that there was good in others, at least to a certain degree, but seeing positives in people really didn't help his self-esteem when he had to hear all those negative things about himself.

Today, however, was slightly different.

It gave him a tiny bit of reassurance, maybe even a small amount of hope ...

He involuntarily half-smiled, remembering the awkward yet welcomed hug.

Partially because of confusion, partially because of the awkwardness he felt, but mostly because of a sense of contentment that the hug made him feel.

He couldn't quite rationalise it.

Was he just starved of physical contact or was it something else?

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Author's note:

-No spell checks-

Short chapter (about 1000 words)

( Don't worry I'll publish the next, lengthier chapter soon, my darling dumplings UwU )

Wtf am I doing with my life, this is smuty af, will probs delete a certain part of it later, y'all know which line I'm talking about (0w--) mainly because I was dying inside when writing it X'D

~Bless all of you unholy children that are still reading this~