This Town

Chapter Thirty Four

2011. We rang the new year in with such enthusiasm for what was to come.

I arrived in LA with the other boys in January, by February we were back in the UK touring with X Factor Live. Siobhan came to our first two shows in Dublin, but due to school, wasn't able to attend the other two. I wasn't able to see much of her because during the day we had to promote and at night we had the shows. My only time with her came at the end of the night when we were both too exhausted to talk.

The tour lasted only two months and then we were back in LA, London, even Stockholm, to record. I was having the time of my life! The boys and I got on great and on the few occasions where maybe we butted heads, it didn't last because we were all on the same boat and wanted this all to happen for us. I missed my family. I missed Siobhan. But I knew they all understood and were all beside me for this crazy ride.

In June, Siobhan graduated from school. Luckily, we were in the UK for recording and I was able to take the time to go to her graduation. I was so happy for her and so glad I was able to go. I got the whole weekend with her before having to go back. But when I returned, I got called into a meeting with the other boys.

When we all sat down, none of us expected what we were going to be asked to do.

"Guys, you're here today to talk about how we want to promote you all. As a boy band, it's incredibly important the image that we put out. After all, you're marketed to young girls, and young girls have fantasies about being with their favorite pop stars. Although, we don't want you to be unable to date, we want to make sure that publicly, you all remain single."

We all looked at each other, confused. "What does that mean?" Zayn asked.

"It means you can't publicly have a girlfriend."

"Huh?" I asked, suddenly very interested in what they were saying.

"At least, not yet. We are marketing you to young girls and having an available idol is more appealing than one who is taken."

"So, I can't have a girlfriend?" I asked.

"Not publicly."

"So, are you telling me I have to breakup with my girlfriend?"

"No. We're saying you can't publicly do anything with her. Or, at least, not alone and no kind of PDA. If you want to go out, everyone has to go out. What you do behind closed doors, as long as it's not on camera, is up to you."

"So, we can date but we have to be sneaky about it?" Louis asked.

"Basically."

We all looked at each other. I was the only one with an actual girlfriend so most of the looks were more of sympathy towards me, because, well, how the fuck am I supposed to tell her this?!

"Like, forever?" Liam asked.

"No, not forever. Obviously, you will also be expected to date...eventually. We just want to be able to sell you guys and it's easier and more marketable if you are all single. Or at least appear to be single."

"Umm, okay." Harry whispered, shocked.

"Niall?"

"Yes?" I asked, looking up at the guy who had just told me I can't go out in public with my girlfriend.

"We are aware of Siob---"

"How do you know her name?" I asked.

"You talk about her, Niall," Zayn responded.

"Oh, yeah." I hung my head.

"Niall, if you'd like us to explain this to her."

"Hell, no! I'll do it."

There were more things to discuss in that meeting but I couldn't tell you what. I spent the entire time trying to figure out how to tell Siobhan that she now has to go back to being a secret. When we left that meeting, the anxiety had made me numb. The guys all gathered around and asked if they could help. I shook my head, I needed to tell her myself.

I put my headphones into my phone as I called her. I had gotten her a cell phone, her first, as her graduation gift, amongst several, which she was surprised, shocked, and totally taken off guard about. But I wanted to spoil her. Plus, it was just a phone. I had attached a card to it that cheekily read, 'Welcome to the 21st Century'. She playfully smacked me for it but mostly just hugged and kissed me.

"Hello."

"Siobhan, hey."

"Hey Niall! How are you?"

"I'm, uh, alright. How are you?"

"I'm good. Lounging around at the moment."

She continued to talk but I didn't hear her, I was so nervous for this conversation. "Siobhan, stop!"

She went silent, "Umm, okay?"

"I'm sorry. Look, I have to talk to you about something and I don't know how and I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Umm, okay? Niall, what is it?"

"We, uh, had this meeting today about how we are going to be marketed to the public."

"Okay. Cool."

"Uh, yeah, sorta. Most of it sounds awesome but there's one thing they asked us to do that I'm not thrilled with but I feel like I need to go along with."

I felt sick. I felt I could puke at any moment. She was not going to be happy about this.

"And what is that?"

"Umm, they want us to be single. I mean, not single, just appear to be single..." I trailed off, my head in my hands.

There was silence. "Are you breaking up with me?" She meekly asked, I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"Oh god no! No! No! No! No! They just want us to not act like a couple in public. In fact, they don't want us to be seen in public at all unless it's a group of us all hanging out." More silence. "Siobhan?"

"I'm here. Just trying to process what you just said. I don't understand."

"To be honest, neither do I. They just think we're all more sellable if we don't appear to have girlfriends. Something about young girls fantasies."

"I see."

"I am not breaking up with you, Siobhan. They'd have to kill me for that to happen. We just can't be seen together. Believe me when I say, I am not happy about this."

"Then don't hide it."

"Babe, please. They said it would just be for a little while, til we get our first album out and stuff."

"And when will that be?"

"I don't know. I think we're all hoping later this year."

There was another long pause of terrifying silence. Had I been able to see her face in this moment I might have been able to read her but I hadn't thought about that. So here I am, sitting on the floor, trying not to cry myself as I explain to my girlfriend why we have to do this.

After what seemed like eternity, she said, "Okay." Quietly. So quietly, I almost didn't hear her.

"What?"

"Okay, Niall. If that's what they want then I guess we have to do it. I just want to be able to see you and get to know the lads more. If that has to be in a hotel room somewhere, then I guess that's what it has to be."

I sighed, "I'm so sorry for this. Just know I don't want this at all."

"I know that, Niall. But I guess I kind of understand. Having once been a young, pre-teenaged girl, myself. I just never thought I'd be the one someone was hiding from his adoring fans." She semi-giggled to let me know she wasn't mad at me.

After a few more minutes, we hung up.