Salem's Eyes (COMPLETED)

20 Salem

I did my best to ignore it. I survived for the next three days beating myself up with school works or whatever that could make me forget this strange feeling.

Akala ko magtutuluy-tuloy na. Akala ko lasing lang ako noong gabing 'yon kaya kung anu-ano ang nararamdaman at naiisip ko. Akala ko rin hindi ako maapektuhin ulit kapag nakita ko s'ya. But I was wrong.

When I saw him for the first time after three days, what happened that Saturday night came back to me in full details. I managed to convince myself that I was just purely disappointed because he left without even talking to me. Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na awa lang 'to o concern lang 'to bilang ang tagal naming magkasama.

But when I saw him, the truth that I desperately covered with my own lies unveiled itself. Wala na. Wala na talaga.

I retreated on my way to the cafeteria when I saw him sitting on the table near the glass doors. I couldn't face him right now. Baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na puntahan s'ya. I was afraid that I'd spill all the things I wanted to say that I kept in my mind that Saturday night. Natatakot ako na baka talikuran ulit n'ya ako bago pa ako makapagsalita.

Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung bakit naghintay s'yang makauwi ako noong gabi na 'yon. He ignored me for few days that I assumed he was finally tired of me. Pero bigla ay sumulpot nanaman s'ya at sa hindi magandang oras pa.

I should just head to the library and wait for my next class. The only person who used to make my lunch time a little less boring was so done with me.

Napatigil nanaman ako sa paglalakad noong makita ko si Kiko na tumatakbo papunta sa akin. Kung tatalikod ako, sa cafeteria nanaman ang punta ko. I just wanted to avoid both of them. Baka mag-report nanaman si Kiko kay Zach kung nasaan ako.

Lalagpasan ko sana s'ya pero hinila n'ya ako bigla. I tried to shake my hand away from his grip but he continually dragged me like a rag doll.

"Wha---"

"Don't worry, hindi ko sinabi kay Salonga kung nasaan ka." pagpuputol n'ya sa sasabihin ko. Binitawan n'ya lang ako noong makapasok kami sa cafeteria.

Noong tumigil ako sa paglalakad, tinulak n'ya pa ako para lang gumalaw. I threw him a serious look. Hindi pa rin s'ya nagpaawat hanggang sa mapunta na kami sa isang table malapit kila Caius. Parang gusto kong manliit sa upuan ko para matigil ang mga kaibigan n'ya sa kakatingin sa akin.

Despite that, I sported a straight face because I just couldn't let them know that I was affected. I really wanted to look at Caius but I fought that strong urge.

"I'll order for you." ani Kiko atsaka basta itinapon ang bag n'ya sa table namin. Gusto kong tumakas sa kanya pero hindi na ako makagalaw sa kinauupuan ko.

"Oy, Caius! Pare!"

Dahil doon, napalingon ako. My shoulders fell when I saw him walking out of the cafeteria alone.

Just fúck Kiko for the nth time.

WEDNESDAY ngayon kaya gabi nanaman ang uwian ko. Wala naman akong masyadong projects lately pero pakiramdam ko ay ubos ako. I dragged myself out of the school. Hindi ko na nga pinansin si Kiko kanina noong tawagin n'ya ako para sumabay.

I didn't know him personally but yeah, fúck him again.

Parang lagi akong nagugulat lately. Natigil nanaman ako sa paglalakad at pag-iisip noong makita ko s'ya sa bus stop. I thought I was imagining it but when he turned his head and met my gaze, I knew it was real. Hindi nanaman s'ya nakangiti kaya parang ang bigat nanaman ng dibdib ko.

Nakokonsensya lang ba ako? I bit the inside of my cheek to somehow punish myself. Hindi naman ako maapektuhan ng ganito dahil lang sa konsensya.

He wasn't wearing his uniform, meaning he came back here from home. I walked towards him but I left two meters distance between us. I didn't even know if he was here for me.