Salem's Eyes (COMPLETED)

36 Salem

I thought it would be as easy as ignoring the holes my dead family members left in my heart. I have bottled up my real feelings for years and I knew that the grief was still very alive in the depths of my heart. Pero kinakaya ko kasi wala na sila sa paningin ko para maalala pa sila.

It was damn absurd because death was more extreme than a plain heartbreak. Pero halos araw-araw kong nakikita si Caius. Everyday, I was reminded of the pain because I could see him in flesh with my own eyes. I wish I could avoid him but he was just everywhere. Alam kong kahit na hindi ko s'ya makita, s'ya at s'ya pa rin ang maaalala ko. I've never been this affected my whole life. I tried so hard to make this break up not a big deal but it was slowly killing me.

Ang bigat na ng dibdib ko at halos ayoko nang bumangon tuwing umaga dahil pakiramdam ko hindi ko kayang dalhin. Ever since I was a kid I have never shown anyone my pain. It was enough for me to forget the loneliness but I've changed. I became dead and hopeless. But once again, it was fine. Okay lang ako at hindi ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob kahit kanino dahil nalalampasan ko.

But I couldn't do that routine right now. I just couldn't control the pain that was taking over me. I lost the ability to brainwash myself. It was eating me up too much. The heart that I have been guarded was out in the open again. It was throbbing with so much emotions. Hindi ko hawak-hawak ang puso ko. It was out in my chest, waiting for someone to have final slice and break it.

I feel like I've risked to much for him. Kaya ngayon na wala s'ya sa tabi ko, halos hindi na ako makapag-function nang maayos.

Naalala ko ang masayang mukha n'ya habang kausap ang mga kaibigan n'ya kanina. I saw how he flashed my favorite smile of him to someone else. And I could still feel that sting in my heart while watching him from far away.

Of course, he was with Naomi again. Ang sabi n'ya noong nakaraan, umalis nalang ako. Lalo na akong pinanghihinaan ng loob dahil baka si Naomi na because he looked happy with her.

I swiped my phone and my heart sank again when I didn't see any text messages from him. I expected that but I couldn't just accept it. Huminga ako nang malalim at nanatiling nakahiga sa kama ko. Ilang oras na akong nakahiga. Hindi pa ako nakakapagbihis at wala pa akong nagagawang school works. I wasn't in the mood to move. Caius was occupying my system.

I tapped my phone and went to the gallery. There were a lot of pictures of him.

I tapped on the picture of us together. My back was leaning on his chest and my head was on his shoulder. Half of my face was covered with my accounting book. His chin was on my shoulder and our faces were pressed together. I was looking at the book and he was smiling at the camera-- his eyes were almost gone.

I zoomed in his face and stared at it for God knows how long. Something in my heart tugged and it was hurting so much.

I made that my wallpaper. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Para siguro mamanhid na ako tuwing nakikita ko 'yon. I needed to try to get used to the feeling of not having him beside me. Baka masanay rin ako agad.

I heard my mom calling me for dinner. Hindi na ako nag-abalang magbihis pa dahil wala pa rin ako sa mood. I hid my phone inside my skirt's pocket and went down.

Amara, Aien and Luca were already in the dining table with my mom. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Amara habang pinapasadahan n'ya ako nang tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. They were all in pajamas while I was still in my uniform.

"Bakit hindi ka pa bihis?" tanong ni mama. I didn't answer her and just sat across her.

Buong dinner ay hindi ako kumibo. That wasn't new to them because that was how normally I was. Lumilipad ang utak ko habang may pinag-uusapan si mama at Amara. Kahit si Aien na kumalabit sa akin ay hindi ko nagawang bigyan ng pansin.