Salem's Eyes (COMPLETED)

40 Salem

I was wearing my black dress again. I didn't actually thought that I'd be in this chapel sooner. Akala ko medyo matatagalan pa ang pagpunta ko rito because the last time I checked, all of my family members were fine.

Life was always unexpected. You couldn't control it even if you desperately want to change some ugly parts. Well, I think my life was composed of ugly parts. Masyado yatang paborito 'yung buhay ko para bigyan ng maraming pagsubok.

I was on the front row, of course. Instead of Amara, Naomi was beside me. Hindi pa rin s'ya tumitigil sa pag-iyak magmula nang makarating ako dito. Sa isang banda ko naman ay si Sean na tulala lang.

My family already came earlier to grieve. I just chose to go alone.

"How's Holly?" I asked when I was sure Naomi calmed down a little bit.

I was worried of her. I knew she was having it harder. They knew each other for a long time.

"Ayaw n'yang pumunta. Hindi daw n'ya kaya." she sniffed.

"Just always check on her." habilin ko sa kanya. Holly and I never clicked but I still care for her. She wasn't that nice to me but she was a good friend to her group.

"Ikaw? Kamusta ka?" she asked quietly. I was staring at huge photo near the casket. He always looked free.

"It's hard." pag-amin ko. They already saw me broke down so I felt like I couldn't lie to my real feelings anymore. It would be useless.

"You're really strong."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Her eyes were very swollen. She glanced at me briefly before looking down at her lap.

"I may not know how much you're hurting but I understand you because..." she abruptly stopped.

I looked at the people who were offering silent prayers in front.

"Because you love him, too." I continued. "I know and it's fine."

She sighed and showed me a relieved smile. "Hang in there."

Yumuko ako. Ano pa bang choice ko?

"If Junie just reached out to me that night... if he sent just a single text... I could've carried our plan. Alam kong wala kaming laban... alam kong magiging palpak din ang maliit naming plano dahil lahat kami ay hindi eksperto sa ganitong sitwasyon but if he just fucking said something... I could've made a change." Nakita ko ang panginginig ng kamao ni Sean. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't take his anger. He has been a mess for days.

"If Junie wasn't too kind... if he didn't think of our safety... if he didn't sacrifice himself alone, sana kasama ko sila sa hirap na dinanas nila. Sana..." his voice broke. He couldn't continue anymore. Tuluy-tuloy ang pagbagsak ng mga luha n'ya.

Naomi went to him. I couldn't comfort Sean because his words just went straight to my heart like sharp daggers.

I had enough information about Caius' frat but I didn't do anything. I felt useless.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na lalabas ako para magpahangin. I partly said the truth because I feel suffocated inside. Ang totoo n'yan, I couldn't take the loneliness. Dumarami na ang nakikipaglamay at mas lumalakas ang mga iyakan na naririnig ko. Just like before, I didn't like watching people grieve.

Dumiretso ako sa convenience store sa malapit para bumili ng maiinom. They offered me food and drinks inside but I couldn't bring myself to eat. Who would have the appetite?

Wala ng tao sa loob dahil oras na rin naman. I went directly to the fridge and grabbed a can of coke. When I was in the counter, everything around me stopped.