Salem's Eyes (COMPLETED)

39 Salem

Junie was dead.

I was staring at his pale face while listening to the loud cries of his friends. Holly lost consciousness few minutes ago so they carried her outside and admitted her in the hospital as well. Sean was kneeling beside the stretcher... almost looking like he was begging hard. He couldn't breathe properly while muttering curses to whoever did this to him.

The rest of Junie's body was covered with white cloth. Wala ni isa sa amin ang matapang para tignan kung ano man ang nangyari sa katawan n'ya. His face looked broken. His jaw was dislocated and there was a huge slash on his forehead.

I went closer to him. Tinitigan ko ang mukha n'ya nang malapitan. I wonder if he could still hear my apologies. I wonder if he died with anger in his heart... because I wanted him to know that he was a hero... that he should be in peace right now because he was able to fix everything even if he didn't need to.

The room was dark and cold. Naomi's silent whimpers were echoing in the spacious room. Junie doesn't have parents, they said. No one arrived except all of our friends.

Junie was dead and it was my fault. I dragged him into this. Nananahimik s'ya pero dahil sa desperasyon kong iligtas si Caius, nadamay s'ya sa gulo. I should be the one lying down that fucking stretcher. I should be the one who felt all the pain he experienced. Dapat ako 'yung iniiyakan ngayon.

And if ever I could change what happened, I would never mention anything to him about Caius' fraternity. Sana ako nalang ang umaksyon. Kung alam ko lang na kaya n'yang isugal ang buhay n'ya para kay Caius, wala nalang sana akong binanggit.

I knew Junie even if I hated him before. He was a true friend of Caius. Alam kong uulitin n'ya ang ginawa n'ya kung kinakailangan para tulungan si Caius... because he was his only family.

Everyone was there when I went out of that room. Lumipat agad ang mga mata nila sa akin. Amara was still crying out of fear while she was inside Eli's arms. May dalawang pulis na kumakausap kay tita Wena. She was weeping that she could barely breathe. Tito and the kids were on their way. It would be a long drive.

My mom was accompanying and comforting her. When she stood up and was about to come to me, I turned around and walked away.

I didn't want any comfort from anyone. Isang pitik nalang, sasagad na ako. Pakiramdam ko babagsak na ako sa sobrang panghihina. My mind was empty. My chest felt hollow as well. I just walked and walked until I saw the only quiet place in the hospital.

It has been three hours. Three hours and it felt like years have already passed.

I smelled flowers when I entered the mini chapel. Binalot agad ako ng malamig na temperatura. The room was dark and it was only lit by two artificial candles. Diretso akong naglakad hanggang sa nasa tapat na ako ng maliit na altar. I couldn't take my eyes off of the figure in front of me.

I have prayed about everything my whole life. I silently believed about miracles even if I have all the means not to. Araw-araw akong nakikiusap at nagdadasal para sa iba-- kahit na hindi na para sa akin. Kahit na sukung-suko na ako, kumakapit pa rin ako sa katiting na pag-asa na magbabago din 'yung takbo ng buhay ko.

If this was a way of testing me or strengthening my beliefs, it was effective. Masyado na akong naging malakas na halos wala na akong pakialam. Masyado na akong naging malakas na halos hindi na ako maka-iyak pa.

Ngayon lang ulit ako naging mahina. Gusto ko lang naman magpahinga kahit sandali lang. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanila na hirap na hirap na ako. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya.

I was so happy after a long time. I convinced myself that I deserved this happiness after all the lost that I experienced. Akala ko ito na 'yung regalo sa akin kapalit ng mga sakit na pinagdaanan ko. Pero bakit... bakit masyado naman yatang mabilis?