Beautifully Broken

- 28 -

It's dark - Really dark.

Nevertheless, it helps ease my pain not being able to see the injury. I couldn't tell you how long I've been sitting against this tree. I'd ripped a part of my clothing and wrapped it around the bullet wound. Since then I've sat here. Against this tree, wondering why my life sucks. 

Part of me feels bad

I know people have it worst, however, maybe that's my problem. If I keep pushing the way I feel about my life away, I'll never deal with it. I hate being alone. It makes me think about all the problems I've been putting off. 

My brother

Even though we had that moment of understanding, it doesn't compensate for the years of grieving I'd done for him. It hurts not only my heart, but my brain thinking about it. All of the late-night cries and the 'I want to dies' I did for him; for nothing.

My mother

Truth is, killing her didn't help my healing. Sure, killing her felt nice and I'd do it again. However, the pain from not having a loving mother, a mother at all, weighs very heavy on me. The whole reason she hated me was because of the death of Elijah; that's not dead. Although the more I think about it. She's never been very loving. Not to me at least. 

My father

A recurring quote of mine is 'What does a daddies girl do without a dad?' - lovely isn't it? I often feel guilty for loving a man that as wreaked havoc on so many lives. He was and is still my father. A man that truly gave me everything I'd ever yearned for. 

Love

But just like the universes cruel and recurring joke - He was taken away.

The beautiful sound of a wolf's howl reminds me that I'm still in the middle of the woods and people still want to kill me. 

Slowly I get up, stopping when I reach my feet. The wound burns. It's a very strange sensation. I can't say that I've ever thought about being shot, but if I did this is not what I would have imagined. I stand hunched over already out of breath. 

I have to get out of here. I doubt just because I outran them that they'll stop. If they don't kill me then the wildlife will. I just start walking. The woods have to stop somewhere. Maybe I can get to a point where I start to remember my surroundings. 

I miss Cole

There is nothing I'd rather do, nowhere I'd rather be than in his arms.

My eyes well up at the thought. Why can't he just find me? Why can't this be like a movie? A movie where he just comes out of the woods, looking tattered and tired. Then he sees me and his face lights up while we run towards each other full speed. Hell, maybe he'd even tell me he loves me.

"Tal Vez," I whisper to myself, ducking under a low branch.
(Maybe)

I walk through a clearing in the woods. The moon now on full display. Electric blues eye pop into my memory. I imagine how they would reflect the bright moon. Would the turn grey? Or would they blend into a beautiful blue-violet? This was a question I intended to find the answer to. 

Lately, I've wondered how it feels to taste his lips. That's another question I intended to find an answer to. 

Quickly the crunches of leaves under my feet become the only noise I hear. I'm not complaining though. It's almost melodic, well, it would be if my limping didn't make my steps off.

I freeze, hearing a sound.

The sound of cars

I limp faster towards the sound. I could cry of joy. Passing the last layer of trees they reveal an intersection. A familiar intersection. The same intersection I take to go to the club. The intersection Cole's car zoomed past me at.