dove in the darkness ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ⋘ jason todd ⋙

•Chapter 41•

<Hazel's>

A small knock on my door followed by a voice is what finally gets me to open my eyes.

Not because of the knock, but because of who it was. I have had multiple knocks on my door today, however, none were welcomed our responded to, not Tim's, not Alfred's, not Damian's or even Dick's, Brooklyn's and Bruce's.

But this one. This one, I call back to in the smallest voice I think I have ever heard come out of my mouth.

He walks in with a sad look on his face, and I know he knows what's going on. Because he also has a look of worry on his face.

I slowly sit up, my Dad's sad eyes never leaving mine as he shuts the door.

I shallow harshly, my throat suddenly dry as I stand up.

"Honey..." He says, making a small break in the stone surrounding, no, pushing down on my heart.

And I let him pull me into a hug. And I let myself bury my head in his shirt like I did when I was little and I wanted to escape the world's problems and hardships.

We stayed like that for a few moments even though I knew he wanted to talk to me. He wanted to talk about Jason. They all did. But the very thought makes the stone in my chest heavier and heavier and I don't know how much more I can carry before I break.

So I say the other truth. The other reason I am so closed off from the world and so angry and miserable.

"I miss her... I miss her so much and this pain doesn't go away, or just magically turn off and I wish it did." I mutter into his shirt and he holds me tighter.

"I know honey, I miss her too. I promise you that she would be so proud of you and she wouldn't want you to hold back." He pulls away from me and smooths out my hair. "As much as I don't like it and I don't- I want you to do what your heart wants and not hold back because you are afraid to lose anyone else." I stiffen and step away from him as I realize where he is going with this. "Heck, I was so scared to marry your mother. But she... she was the most beautiful and intelligent person I had ever met and I would have never found anyone else that understood me the way that she did. And my one regret in this life is not keeping her closer and marrying her earlier."

I cross my arms over my chest and look away from his prying eyes. "I don't... I don't know..."

"If you don't want to-"

"No. No, I- I really like him. I want to be with him all the time, but I can't." I admit shakily, and a small pebble is lifted from my chest.

"Can't?" He voices.

I close my eyes for a few moments, reliving what I told Jason earlier today.

"Dad... I waited for mom to come home every night she worked after she was almost killed. I stayed up terrified that she wouldn't come home... I can't..." I look away, my voice giving out. Deep breath. "I can't lose him, Dad. I don't want to. I don't want to spend all night wondering if he is lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I can't."

Silence follows my words, the air, the room consuming everything I have said, everything I have confessed.

And my Dad does the same as he stares at me before sighing. "Well, it seems to me that there is only one for sure way you are going to lose him and you are doing it." He says before stepping closer to me. "Hazel, as much as I hate it, you already care about him. And the only way you definitely lose him is if you continue to go on with your pain to keep yourself from getting hurt. But it's going it hurt, it does right now... but living without him, if he means as much to you as you say he does, is going to hurt much worse."