Love You Till The End (Robert Zussman x Reader)

55 - Ronald "Red" Daniels

March 3, 1945
42nd Field Hospital, Ardennes Forest

It's been eight weeks since Zussman was captured. I'm tryin' not to lose hope.

This wouldn't be the first time hope tries to pull away from me. It's not an easy thing to keep when you don't know how much longer this fightin' is gonna last. I tend to tell myself that I will make it home, but I do have my days where I don't believe that. I'm scared that someday all this fightin' will make me believe that the only thing left for me is dying.

I had just turned 20 years old last month and although I'm the youngest in my squad, I feel like I'm livin' the life of someone much older. Guess that's what happens when your youth is thrown away too quickly by carryin' out your "patriotic duty." Instead of spendin' my birthday with Hazel and my family, I was stuck in a rickety cot with a bullet wound that nearly killed me.

I'm still stuck in a cot, trying to heal up so I can hopefully return to my squad soon, but at least it ain't as rickety as the last one I was in. I haven't been able to stop thinkin' about Zussman the whole time I've been on bed rest. I feel like I'm to blame for him being captured because I should've been able to have reached the truck he was in; it shouldn't have been so easy for the Krauts to take him.

I didn't just go after that truck because he's my best bud or because I made a promise to him that I'd have his back to the end, whatever the end may be. I also went after that truck to try savin' someone's son; to try savin' his chance of returning to the States and makin' a future for himself. Now that he's captured, I hate to think that his chances might have become slim.

Another thing that makes his capture so hard is having the person he loves dearly and who loves him back in the same squad as me. I'm not too sure if I'll return to my squad soon or if they'll be alive the next time I see 'em, but what I do know is that it ain't gonna be easy facin' L/N, especially since there's a letter and package Zussman asked me to give her if something ever happened to him. I already feel like I've failed to have Zussman's back by not savin' him from bein' captured but to see L/N again will leave me feeling like even more of a failure. I already know she won't be angry with me, but I'll be angry with myself because I'll think of all the things Zussman told me he wants to do with her if they were to get back to the States and to see her will leave me feeling as if I'm at fault for her not gettin' those memories with him.

Deep down, I know all of this isn't my fault, but this guilt is too damn much to shake off so easily. Growin' up, you lose friends, but not always in this way; losin' friends don't always mean they die but to a soldier, that's exactly what it means most of the time. Even though death is so normal around these parts, it doesn't make losin' someone you care about any easier and that's why I'm worried that Zussman will become yet another important person I lose to the war.

As I opened my eyes to try and stop being bombarded with all these thoughts, footsteps began to approach my cot. I raised my head a bit to see that those footsteps were being made by Colonel Davis. I hadn't seen him in a while and I knew him takin' the time to come see me meant something was up.

"Sir, tell me they found Zussman," I said, hopin' for good news. His expression remained serious and that told me that I wouldn't be hearin' what I wanted to hear.

"I wish I could, son."

"Pierson didn't give a damn about him," I said, frustration growin' inside of me. "Just like his men at Kasserine."

"Kasserine? You got it all wrong, Private."

He stayed quiet for a moment and turned around to grab a stool.

"Pierson was ordered to retreat, but some of his men were trapped in the pass." He placed the stool by the wooden tent pole near my cot and took a seat. "He couldn't bring himself to fall back without them."

Am I finally getting the full story?

"But he ended up losing more trying to save them...He's never been the same." He pursed his lips. "But you don't need to worry about Pierson. You're headed stateside."

That would be good news if I hadn't laid a hand on my superior and disobeyed his orders.

"Am I looking at a court-martial, sir?" I tried to brace myself for the bad news.

"Wouldn't reflect too good on the Army to punish the soldier who accelerated the whole damn war effort." He paused for a moment. "That's right. The intelligence you found on that prisoner was critical in locating the last bridge across the Rhine."

What in the hell? I'm really bein' sent home?

"Might even be a Bronze Star* in your future." Davis stood up and headed towards the exit of the large tent. Before he could get very far, he stopped and turned around to look at me. "You're a bona fide* hero."

Once he was gone, I realized that I wasn't as happy to hear what he had told me. Bein' given the opportunity to go home is just about every soldier's dream, but I just couldn't build up enough excitement when I heard the words come out of his mouth. There sure was relief inside me though because not bein' court-martialed is great to hear. The same goes for bein' told you're going home, but not when your good friend is somewhere in Germany, probably bein' hurt by the Krauts. If the circumstances were different, I might've jumped out of my cot with excitement no matter how much my wound pained me to do so.

I felt around the left side of my cot and grabbed ahold of Zussman's Saint Michael pendant necklace. I held it up to my face and looked at it, making up my mind about what I was going to do rather quickly as church bells could be heard ringing from the nearby town.

To the end? I heard Zussman's voice inside my head.

"To the end," I said aloud, gripping the necklace in my hand.

The truth is, I want nothin' more than to be with Hazel when our baby arrives but I gotta convince Pierson to let me back in the fight. I'm doin' it to find Zuss, 'cause he'd do the same for me. If I don't make it home, well...I sure hope my brother Paul can watch over 'em.

Maybe it's selfish of me to send Hazel what could be the last letter she'll ever receive from me and leave her with a child who might not ever get to know their real father when I have the chance to go home, but it might not be too late to save Zussman. I've lost too much to this war and the last thing I want to lose is our comradeship. I made a promise and I intend to keep it, even if it means never making it back home to my family.

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Chapter Song: "I'm Making Believe" by The Ink Spots (ft. Ella Fitzgerald)

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* "Bronze Star": is a United States decoration awarded to members of the United States Armed Forces for either heroic achievement, heroic service, meritorious achievement, or meritorious service in a combat zone.
* "bona fide": genuine; real.