You Can't Save Me - A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

Caught

AN: I would love some feedback. This first chapter is a little juvenile in my opinion. SKIP TO CHAPTER 17 - Daddy (there's no spoilers but it is NSFW) - if that chapter can't convince you to stay then this may not be the story for you.

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I was finishing up the last leg of the tour. Hearing the fans screaming and singing along to my songs was the only thing that gave me energy and kept me going. He was in my head every day...at every show. It was exhausting trying to keep him out. Some days I would walk off stage and pass out in the arms of my best friend Sam and others I would just lay awake in bed begging for death to come take me away from the excruciating pain splitting my skull in two.

I had purposefully mapped my tour throughout the galaxy, avoiding as many First Order supporting planets as possible, but there were just too many. Shows on those planets were the worst. I've come to the conclusion that they brought out the little bit of dark in me which only fueled him and scared me. It was normally these shows that I would pass out backstage but keeping him out of my head was more important to me than anything. I wouldn't give him that power over me. Not again, not ever.

I was getting to the hardest song to perform. Both emotionally and physically it was exhausting. I knew he could feel my emotions which just pushed him harder to reach within the depths of my mind. Ironically, the song is called 'in my head'.

I spent a lot of my nights awake wondering what he wanted with me. I knew he wasn't in love with me anymore. He's too far gone, too invested in the dark side - dedicated to becoming a Sith.

I've come to the conclusion that he still wants me to join him, but not for the reasons I want him to. He would only want me for his own personal gains.

I had shut out the Force a long time ago. I feel it sometimes, but I push it away. I'm too scared - too scared running away from my feelings because I'm terrified I'll turn too. I never thought he would, but he did in the end.

The last time I saw him I could see the anger in his eyes, the fire burning in his golden orbs reflecting the temple he had set ablaze. I pulled on his arm, begging him to stay and fix the mess he had made. I begged him to let me help him. He tried convincing me to come with him instead, join him on the dark side, but I refused.

I got to the most difficult part of the song. The part that put tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat that I would always hastily swallow. The song detailed the way I felt after he left - it virtually tore me in two and this song exposed that.

He kept pushing. He felt stronger today and it took everything I had not to break down. It was odd, I noted, we weren't on a First Order planet, yet he was close to cracking my mind. He was on the verge and due to the pain, I almost let him. I turn to walk off stage for my last costume change and see my best friend Sam. She looked pale and I run up to her concerned, fighting against the costume designer forcing my arms into a custom jacket.

"What's wrong?" I ask, shaking Sam.

"He's here," that was all she said. That was all she needed to say.

I felt a cold chill run down my spine as I looped my last arm into the rest of the jacket. I almost collapsed. I knew it was because he was close. He was feeding off what little energy I had left and I refused to let him have it, but I had to close the show. I had one song left and I wasn't about to let him win.

This song was about every ex I had. How, despite what they put me through, I was grateful for the experiences they gave me. The experiences that made me who I am. The experiences that made me stronger.

As I walked on stage, the beginning of the song started playing. I was finishing my tour in Eaden and the fans were especially loud tonight, amping up my energy.

"This sounds familiar doesn't it?" I prompt to the crowd with a smile, eliciting a rally of screams.

That's when I see him. He's standing in the shadows of the right wing, but I knew it was him. I felt it. He's wearing that god forsaken mask that I just wanted to rip off. I wanted to yell at him and tell him how I felt, but I wasn't about to show any signs of weakness. I'm sure he saw it though. Just for a moment when I first saw him - I'm sure my emotions were written all over my face, emotions that I quickly masked as I began singing the song.

I began smirking, knowing which part would be coming up. I kept my eyes on him as I sang, wanting him to feel every sting of pain he's ever put me through.

"Even almost got married, and for Ben I'm so thankful," this was the part I was waiting for. I threw him a wink and turned around, addressing the crowd for the remainder of the song.

This was the only time during the show that I felt some release from his pressing presence in my mind. I had thrown him off guard and I felt a little bit stronger than I had not even 5 minutes ago.

I finished the show and immediately rushed off stage, itching to get away before he can get me in his grasp. I had directed the crew to load up the equipment as soon as possible, but as I was making my way to the ship I was stopped by an invisible force.

I roll my eyes, my body still frozen in place. He walked behind me and whispered in my ear, his voice modulated by his mask. I couldn't have used the force to get away, even if I wanted to, he's too strong.

"It's time you stop running away from me and give in."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood tall, but I still didn't speak. I didn't trust my voice.

He turned away from me and for a brief moment I felt relieved until I heard his next order, "load her onto the ship. Ready her room and make sure it is connected to mine."

Before I had a chance to speak I was slipping into darkness. I almost welcomed it. It was such a sweet release. I did however also know what this meant. He was going to try to turn me, and I didn't know if I had enough fight left in me to refuse him this time.