You Can't Save Me - A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

Little Songbird

I wake up before Kylo and allow myself a small smile at his sleeping form. He looks so relaxed, no frown or scowl set, only a small trail of drool leaking onto his pillow. I give him a kiss on his forehead before getting out of the bed. I throw on a silk robe and tie it around my frame before opening the doors to the balcony in our room. I lean against the railing and breathe in the crisp morning air, standing there for a while enjoying the early morning rise beaming on my face.

I turn when I hear Kylo grumble and get out of bed, making his way towards me. His hair is messy and eyes still crusted with sleep. He looks adorable. He wraps his arms around me and lets out a soft hum of contentment, "you look beautiful like this." I turn in his arms and press a quick kiss to his lips. I settle into his chest and wrap my arms around his torso, breathing in his scent and listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "Can we just stay here all day?" I sigh. He gives a soft chuckle, his large frame shaking in my hold, "I wish Angel. I'd love to keep you locked up here and all to myself, but we have duties to attend to."

I sigh again in response and turn to ready myself in the refresher. Kylo follows soon after with a cup of tea for me and a coffee for himself. I thank him as I finish washing my face and take a sip of the tea, watching the familiar purple swirl around the cup. I'm mystified by the color and am instantly thrown back into memories I was sure I had stowed away. Ben had made me Primula tea the first time from scratch and honestly it was the worst thing I had ever tasted, but I told him I loved it. Over time I got used to the taste, and even long after Ben was gone I still drank it to remind myself of him and to bring me comfort.

I'm pulled back into reality when Kylo speaks, "what're you thinking so hard about over there angel?" I look up at him and give him a smile, "oh nothing, just thinking about the first time you ever made me Primula tea." He lets out a small laugh and pulls me to him, "oh yeah?" I nod in response and soon follow with wild laughter. I look up and continue to laugh harder at Kylo's perplexity. I finally calm myself, "you remember you made me Primula tea from hand the first time I ever tried it? I never told you but it was the worst thing I had ever tasted but I drank it because you made it and now I can't help but love it...because it reminds me of you." I finish softly and look up to him, waiting for some sort of backlash, but I'm only greeted with a wide smile, "That's...I really like that story." I give him a wide smile back and slide down the wall, patting the space next to me.

He sprawls his big legs out in front of him while I throw mine over his and curl into him. He immediately wraps an arm around me, "what else do you remember?" I look up at him surprised before looking back down with a light rouge painting my cheeks. "Angel?" He tilts my head back up with his finger under my chin. "I remember the first time we were together," I say softly. He looks between both of my eyes, an unreadable expression on his face before speaking, "I remember that as well. I was so awkward." He chuckles but his comment makes me think of what had probably changed or happened between all the time we were without each other.

"Kylo?" I ask. He gives me a hum in response, encouraging me to continue. I pull away slightly, "did you ever..were you ever with anyone else after me?" I'm embarrassed to ask but I can already feel the small heartbreak. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with two fingers before exhaling, "yes." I uncurl myself from around him and shakily stand, "oh." He stands up quickly and grabs my hips to steady me, "you never...all this time?" I feel a few tears fall and pull myself away from him, "no Kylo, and maybe that was stupid of me. Maybe I should have." He visibly flinches and makes a move to hold me but I turn away again. I shouldn't be upset, I really shouldn't, but it hurts. He had always planned on taking me to the First Order, he's told me as much. He couldn't have waited?

"Angel...please-" he pleads with me but I cut him off. "It's fine Kylo. Can you get out? I need to get ready," I sigh, looking everywhere but at him. He hesitates but after a beat, leaves. I lock the door and turn on the shower. I let the scorching water roll off my body, accompanying the pain in my chest and the sobs wracking my body.