You Can't Save Me - A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

Stay

After approximately 6,003 seconds I decided I couldn't take the quiet anymore. I gave in and walked slowly to the piano room.

I attempted to meditate, something I'd learned in my Jedi training days. I focused solely on him and tried to channel him, to reach out. I tried until my body ached with exhaustion.

It wasn't until about an hour into my meditation that I finally felt something, something dark. I saw Kylo on a bridge with Han. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Kylo's face looked pained. I saw conflict.

I pushed myself, begging my body and mind to reach him, but to no avail. I gave up and watched the scene unfold before me. As I saw Kylo plunge his lightsaber into his father I barely register myself letting out a scream, before the small connection is cut off.

I lay on the floor panting, sobs wracking my frail body. He had done it. I'm feeling too many emotions at once and I can't breathe – anger, sadness, despair, loneliness, longing?

I lay like that for what felt like hours before I did the only thing I knew how to in that moment, the only thing that felt natural. I wrote.

It wasn't long before a smooth, somber melody came to me and I made my way to the piano.

Dirty tissues, trust issues
Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you
Lonely pillows in a strangers bed
Little voices in my head
Secret keeping, stop the bleeding
Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating
All the songs that I can't listen to, to tell the truth

Loving you was young, and wild, and free
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound
A steady place to let down my defenses
But loving you had consequences

Hesitation, awkward conversation
Running on low expectation
Every siren that I was ignoring
I'm payin' for it

Loving you was young, and wild, and free
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound
A steady place to let down my defenses
But loving you had consequences

No, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Said, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Hey, no ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap
Loving you will still take shots at me
Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
And I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences

Loving you

As soon as I finish I give into the exhaustion, curling up on the cold, hard floor and letting my eyes drift.

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When I wake I'm no longer in the piano room, but in my bed. I sit up abruptly, confusion nearly knocking me back down. Was it all just a dream?

I make my way to Kylo's room and open the door. I didn't expect to see him there at all, but I especially didn't expect to see him in the shape he's in. He's hooked up to a monitor, tubes and needles puncturing his arm. He has a ghastly cut down his face and neck and his bandaged side is bleeding through.

I gasp and his attention is drawn to me. He shoos the medical droid out and stares at me, but I'm unsure what to say.

"You did it," I say, barely in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Why?" I cry.

He gives me a soft, but pained look as he replies, "I thought I had to."

"And now?" I ask, notating mentally that he had added in 'thought'. I was waiting for an answer that never came so I turned back around and began to make my way towards my room again.

"Char, stay...please?" he called out to me.

I see the pain in his eyes and can't deny him of his request in this moment. I walk over awkwardly to the bed and stand there.

He gives a soft chuckle, "you can sit on the bed next to me, I won't bite."

My cheeks burn scarlet as I make my way over to the other side of the bed and sit down, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," he replies softly.

We sit in a companionable silence before I get the nerve to speak, "May I ask what happened?"

I look over and he's staring at the ceiling. I see his eyes go dark, "you already know what happened."

I clear my throat to rid myself of the lump starting to swell, "I know, but how did you get hurt?"

"The Resistance," he says, somewhat finally. I stay silent for a moment before he speaks again, "Star Killer Base is no more."

I gasp, but immediately reel myself back in, not wanting to test him.

More minutes of silence tick by, and I think he's gone to sleep before he speaks up again, "you hate me." He doesn't say it like a question, but more as a statement and I can hear the solemnness in his tone.

My hands shake as I answer truthfully, "I want to want to."

He quickly turns his head my way at the admission, "what do you mean?"

I look down at my hands, wringing them together and let out an audible sigh, "I want to want to hate you...but I don't."

I'm alarmed as he suddenly sits up, hissing as he does so, "what are you..??" He hushes me as he wipes a tear from my face. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"I pushed you too far. You weren't ready," he admits.

I give a slight sadistic laugh, "I don't belong in your world Kylo."

He gives me a look that I'm unable to decipher before he speaks.

"You belong with me."