You Can't Save Me - A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

Mission Impossible

I wake up to possibly the best sleep I've ever had. I feel next to me for Kylo but my brow furrows as I realize he's not there. I sigh in slight frustration. I don't know why I had expected him to stay.

I sit up and wipe the sleep from my eyes. I go to get up before I elicit a scream. Kylo is lounging in the corner, sitting in the same chair as the day prior. Had be been watching me?

"It's time to go," he says somewhat solemnly, somehow not surprised at my outburst.

I pull the sheets closer to me as I let out a shiver and give him a nod, "give me 10 and I'll be ready."

He starts to leave but stops himself. Not turning around he speaks lowly, "I think that's the best sleep I've had in a while."

He turns slightly and I see the ghost of a smile attempting to brighten his face. I look down shyly and smile myself.

"Maybe...erm..." he looks slightly uncomfortable and rubs his neck as if to ease it. "Maybe you could start sleeping in my bed from now on?"

I let out a small laugh and he looks down embarrassed, "what? So you can yell at me in the morning?"

"I didn't yell at you this morning did I?" He huffs irritatedly, not unlike a small child.

"Well take out the crabbiness and maybe I'll take you up on that offer," I smile at him.

He finally gives me a small smile and returns to leave before I hesitantly stop him, "just for the record? That was also the best sleep I've had in a while too."

He doesn't say anything for a moment and I internally panic in embarrassment despite him saying the same only moments ago.

He gives me another soft smile, "get ready, we need to leave soon."

He closes the door behind him and I take the chance for a quick shower. I get in my best defensive gear unaware of what lies ahead.

I tentatively knock on his door to let him know I'm ready. He opens it and it's as if his entire demeanor has changed. He nods his head in approval and wordlessly leads us out the door.

Soon enough we're loading onto a transport and off to some rebel planet called Exley.

The stormtroopers get off first and I hear a small scream soon cut off by a blaster. My heart immediately drops as I look over to Kylo. His body is slightly rigid. I've always been able to read him, to sense when he's in pain or struggling. He is in this moment and I'm unsure sure why, it's not like this is new to him.

"Come on, you have your saber?" He asks in his pesky monotone.

"Yes?" I ask, prompting him to continue.

"I want you to use it," this is the last thing he says before walking off the transport. I follow closely behind, slightly trembling.

When we reach outside I note that it's unnaturally dark, both from lack of light and the atmosphere.

My throat catches as I see the scene before me unfold. Troopers have set the town ablaze and a shiver runs down my spine at the familiar memory of the last time I'd seen something like this. The fires are almost beautiful in nature, but they stood for something I know I can't stand behind.

I see the last of the villagers lined up next to each other. A mother is crying and holding her small child closely to her.

I look painfully at them and before I can react the boy is running towards me and grabs a hold of my leg, as if begging me to save him, like he had some sense or hope that I was one of the good guys.

I bend down and wrap my arms around him, "shhh, it's going to be okay."

"Use it," I hear someone say. I look to my left and see Kylo.

I stand up and the boy once again grabs a hold of my leg, softly crying. "Wh-what?"

"The saber. It's time to complete your training."

"No," I say in complete defiance.

Soon I feel an imaginary force pull the child away from me and I hear a scream. I'm not even sure whose it was. The mother? The child?...me?

The small boy is frozen in front of Kylo and I'm stood in terror as his saber ignites and is plunged into the child's chest. Immediately he falls to the ground and this time I register the mother and I both scream in tandem. She runs towards Kylo and in this moment I don't even have the emotional strength to stop her.

A blaster shoots her and she falls on impact.

"NO!" I scream again as I run towards the mother and child lying lifeless not far from one another. Frantically feeling their pulses as if miraculously they'd still be alive.

I collect myself and move towards Kylo. I start sobbing and banging on his chest, "I hate you! I hate you! They did nothing! He was just a child!"

He visibly flinches and I can sense the sting of my words, but he quickly recovers, "load her back onto the ship."

His words are cold, and I feel like even if he weren't wearing the mask his eyes would be stone cold too.

I feel a trooper start to grab me but without thinking I use the force to fling him into a statue not far away. I look down at my hand in slight awe. I'm immediately disgusted with myself, and even more so with Kylo. He's pushed me too far this time.

I feel Kylo move towards me and using the force I stop him, frozen in place and in shock. I give him once last disgusted look before releasing him and making my way back to the transport.

It was an odd feeling to use the force after so long. I hated myself because it actually felt good, and I'm telling myself it's only because I didn't use it on a civilian. I was always stronger than Ben and somehow that gave me a sense of power, but it wasn't a power I wanted and that absolutely terrified me.

I waited with baited breath for his return as I hear more screams and more blasters.

He soon boards the ship once more, the troopers not far behind. I notice a few less than before, but most could be accounted for.

Kylo stands next to me in the back behind the troopers and attempts to subtly grab my hand with his gloved one. I immediately push it away. I wasn't going to give him any reassurance that I don't hate him in this moment. And the worst part is, I don't. This realization only fuels my anger.

Soon we are back aboard the base and as the doors open I push past all of the troopers and run to my room, slamming it shut and locking it.

I lay in my bed. I can't even cry. I'm just emotionless, empty.

Kylo bangs on my door but I don't reply. He still uses the force to open it. "I'm —"

That's all that I let him get out before I stand up and make my way towards him, slapping him straight across the face.

He looks shocked and somewhat hurt but quickly recovers. His eyes are cold once again.

"You're a monster," I spit.

"Yes I am."