Live, Alena (Luctus Academy)

Chapter 22

This is a multi-genre story. Hope you enjoy!

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"Mommy, do something!" Silver panicked when I just stood up and watched. Maybe, it was a friend or something. I didn't do anything. Instead, we continued to look for a store.

I trust him. I believed him when he said I was the only one. Would it be bad if I said it was fine with me? For heaven's sake, I was all ready to be the martyr girl earlier. Even if the scene upset me, I think I'd always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because that's who I was before I completely fucked up.

We stayed for a while inside the Ministop. Silver seemed to be familiar with the products here. Ang bata pa niya pero mukhang independent na talaga. How young was he when he entered this world? 4? Wasn't it amazing to witness him like that? Being a kid with surprising mindsets and perspectives?

"I'm sorry, Mommy, I couldn't do anything." his voice sounded so sad that I automatically got worried. "What do you mean, Silver?"

"The reason why I told you to do something was because you are his woman. No, he claims to be your husband. Yeah, that, Mommy." he said but I didn't totally understand so I remained silent, waiting for his  next words if there ever was.

"I mean, Mommy, you have all the rights to do something. To at least ask who it was and why was he hugging her, you know. He said it was only you in his life." he said. How old was he again?

"Silver, you know that we don't always get what we want, right?" he nodded, kahit halatang may rebuttals siya sa sinasabi ko, hinintay pa rin niya akong matapos magsalita.

"We can't always be impulsive, and let the negative feeling overpower us." I smiled sadly. Feeling so disappointed with the fiasco I became two years ago. Maybe, a part of me was traumatized. It made me fear uncertainty even more. It just made me doubt everything in me. Like, if I didn't let my hatred control me before, would we ever end up here? Would I ever lose my own land, my own world? Maybe no, if only I wasn't impulsive.

Now, what if I acted stupid in front of them? What if he misunderstood me the moment I tried to ask about them? What if I pissed him just because I was paranoid? No, yes, maybe, I really am paranoid. But not because of what I saw. Paranoid lang ako na baka maulit 'yung past. I no longer trust myself. I don't even know what happened. All I have is nothing but a vague memory. That I killed almost an entire race, discovered my enemy's secret—which was weird because I remembered what it was—and caused fear and destruction to my own land. But the funny thing is that I don't know how I did it. It's like I woke up from the dead with the idea in my head that I was a criminal, a failure. Pero malinaw sa akin iyong mga markang halos bumalot sa buong dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari at nawala iyon. Nawala pero napalitan ng markang nasa wrist ko. A small blank circle and beside it was like an ellipsis. Tatlong tuldok. I never got a tattoo before.

"You're right, Mom. But you know, there will always be what if's. It's just so inevitable. What if it wasn't a friend? Like there really was something." he said.

"But what if there was none, little one?" I replied. He looked at me and nodded. "I get your point." I added and smiled.

"What if's are kinda scary, Mommy." he stated. Agreed, Silver. I agreed with you.

"Aren't you gonna ask why I can't do anything?" he asked, looking more curious than me. I asked him why.

"My real father, I never saw him hug other girls before, when he was still alive. My biological father had the looks, too, you know! Girls loved him. But I never saw him touch anyone from them. I thought that's how love works." naconfuse naman ako sa sinabi niya pero naghintay lang ako ng susunod pa niyang sasabihin.