I'm not going anywhere

2

We're walking through Simon's house, people moshing together. I had no idea that he knew so many people.

The whole place smells like alcohol but, it won't be long before I've started drinking and the smell won't bother me.

"Here," Alex passes me a can, I crack it open and start drinking I refuse to not enjoy myself tonight! Hence my decision to move towards the dance floor I can feel the music run through me as I sway my body and move my hands around, my hips In sync with the beat and my eyes closed, I feel great.

Someone's body presses against my back and I grind against them. I have no idea who they are but if I turn around, they will probably want to take me somewhere and that's not what I want. I open my eyes and look forward to see Alex death staring someone then storming off. What the hell is going on? I turn around to see who I'm dancing with, it's some girl named Grace... I think we're in the same art class at school.

"Hey, you're a really good dancer" she wants to sleep with me, I can already tell.

"Thanks. Uh... do you know why Alex was death staring you?" Maybe they have some issue with each other that I don't know about.

"He's jealous,"

"Of who?" I have never heard him say anything about Grace ever, and why would she dance with me if she knows he likes her? He's stunning and funny and so smart.

"Me"

"What, why?"

"Cause I'm dancing with you and he wishes he was" What is she on about?

"We're best friends, he doesn't feel that way about me, I don't know what you're saying" I walk off to go find Alex. He's making out with some random girl.

"For fuck's sake" I groan quietly and run off into the yard like usual, I kick off my shoes and hang my feet in the water not worrying about my pants.

"Hey, what's wrong" Grace sits next to me.

" I... I ...I don't know.....I've never felt like this before. We've always been best friends but. then today I considered that maybe I like him a little more but, I can't cause I'm straight and I know for a fact he is too cause he's in there making out with some bitch"

"How do you know you're straight?"

"Because, I've never been attracted to a guy before" I swish my feet around in the warm water, the pool is definitely heated.

"Well, I guess you're straight then." What does she mean!? She can't just come to a conclusion so quickly, especially about my sexuality.

"But....I've never felt this way about anyone ever, not even a girl"

"You must be Demi."

" No my names River... I'm in your art class."

"Demisexual, idiot. When you don't have an attraction to someone unless you have a strong bond with them first"

"Oh," I guess that could be that, but I don't know if I like Alex still. Maybe I'm just ...Jealous? Cause he's my best friend and I want to hang out with him rather than watch him suck face with that bimbo. She wasn't even that good looking, he could get so much better he is probably the best looking guy in the school; those grey eyes could get anyone, and his hair is always perfect. I don't know how he does it, and his body is the perfect in-between of skinny and muscles he is so fit I mean...

"Fuck"

"What, what is it?"

"I think I'm in love with my best friend!" I lay back on the concrete surrounding the pool and Grace does the same

"Don't even worry," I just sigh and watch the stars.

What do I do?

How will he feel?

Do I even tell him?

Definitely not, I would rather never tell him than lose him as a friend, even though we're not losers he is my only real friend, like the boys are cool but, we're not close.

Ughhhhhhhhhh Bloody hell Alex why do you have to be so perfect.

"I need another drink" I get up and cuff my jeans and put on my shoes so they won't drip as much and go grab another beer.

And another.

And one more.

And one to take with me, I walk back out to the dance floor and run into Alex.

"Gorgeous" I stare at him. He truly is.

"Huh, what did you say?" Wait no I didn't mean to say that out loud. Shit.

"I didn't say anything must be the music,"

"Oh well, are you ready to go home?" I down the beer in my hand, throw the can in the designated box, link arms with him and head for the door.

"Sure am" he just laughs and follows along with me. I should have worn more layers, it's freezing; I can feel my face turning white and my lips going blue.

"Bloody hell, when is it going to be summer" I shiver but, he just pulls me onto his back and starts sprinting down the street. He smells like the woods.

"Are you smelling me?" he laughs.

"You smell nice. Is this new cologne?" He nods

"You should wear it more."

"For you my love, I will" he laughs but, I only wish. My cheeks are blushing, I can feel the warmth rising up to them, oh gosh Alex.

"Alright, here we are," he takes the key from my hand, unlocks the door and turns off the alarm.

"Home" I giggle. I mean laugh. I laugh as I run around the living room and into the kitchen grabbing snacks.

"You're funny" Alex says as he grabs four bottles of water and follows me up to my room spreading everything out across the floor. I sit with my back against the bed and him in front of me against the other wall

"So what happened with that girl Grace," he asks me as he opens a packet of pickled onion crisps and a bottle of water.

"huh" Did he see me? Oh god did he hear us?

"I saw you dancing dirty with her did you hook up?" He hasn't made eye contact with me yet

"Aha, no. I don't want to do anything like that with anyone at least for a long time,"

"Good" what?

"I mean cool, I was thinking about the food. I love this flavour so much man." He's so ridiculous "That's why my mum buys them" it's almost like she likes him more than me, and I'm her own son, he just laughs. He is so beautiful, I move over next to him and lean my head on his shoulder and he puts his head on mine. I wish I was his, even though I only labelled this feeling tonight I really want him and the fact that I can't is making it so much worse.

"Wanna go to bed?" He asks softly but, I don't want to move from here so I just shake my head slowly.

"Ok"

"I wish this could last forever," I accidentally let out. Oh gosh how am I going to cover this up

"Me too" is all he says. What, what, what? He doesn't mean it like I do though, he wants our friendship to last forever which I do too but, I want more moments like this. He picks me up and puts me in his lap. What is going on? He pulls me to his chest and runs his fingers through my hair until I fall asleep.

~edited 05/03/2020~