I'm not going anywhere

4

I'm sat in his lap, his arms wrapped around me tightly as if he doesn't want to me to leave.

I still can't believe that we like each other, but I still don't know what to do ...

I try to pull away to go make breakfast, but Alex squeezes me even tighter.

"No, I love him you can't steal him." WTF did he just say? He must be having some really weird dream. But, I quickly jump away and replace my body with a giant plush dog. It's almost impossible not to laugh but he does look extremely cute.

---------------------------------------------------------
"River!"

"River!"

"Oh my god!"

"Fuckkk!"

"Alex!" I yell out as I run up the stairs to see him pulling his pants on and preparing to go out.

"What?" I ask slowly, my mood completely changes. Was he trying to run away without me knowing?

"Oh my gosh River, I thought they took you." he runs to me and nuzzles his head in my shoulder, even though he is taller than me.

"Who?" What is he going on about?

"The bad guys" he is so innocent sometimes, I really think he is a 10-year-old in a 16-year-old's body.

"I'm here" I run my fingers through his hair, admiring the beautiful raven colour.

"You're gorgeous." I accidentally let out, he just looks at me and smiles while tilting his head, he looks like a little kid.

"Shit, breakfast!" I run back downstairs to save the pancakes from burning and plate them up. Shortly after, Alex comes down and sits on the bench watching me.

"You could help you know," he is so lazy.
"Hmmm, or I could watch" he laughs as he wiggles around making himself more comfortable, I just roll my eyes and continue what I'm doing.

--------- 15 minutes ---------

"And breakfast is served!" He cheers and runs to the table, he is so different around me compared to school, like he is such a child here but, at school, he's a big tough guy with his edgy looks people don't think he's all cute like this. But, I don't know... I like him both ways.

"Why were you with grace all night at the party?" He looks at me dead on like he's upset or something. I already told him that I wasn't attracted to her and that I also like him, which he has also done nothing about.

"What?" I ask.

"Well people posted some pictures and in every photo with you in, she's with you" I didn't take any photos, what is he on about?

"I didn't take any photos, what do you mean"

"In the background, sat all close or dancing. Why weren't you with me?"

"You're joking, right? I told you I'm not attracted to her, and I hung out with her cause you left me!? We were literally just talking"

"I didn't leave, I gave you a drink and you went to dance"

"You should have come with me but you didn't, so Grace started dancing with me, then you death stared her"

"I asked her why you did it, and she said that you were jealous of... her cause you wanted to dance with me"

"I did" ah.

"And then I ran off and she sat and talked to me, and I tried to explain to her that I've never felt that way about anyone and she told me I was straight. But, then I told her I never felt like this about a girl either so she explained to me what demisexual is and I realised that I think I'm that, cause I only just realised how much I like you, and only you. And maybe that's because we've been friends for so long. But, I can't help it and it makes me upset that you don't believe that!" I get up and walk out. Why would he think I want anything to do with Grace? especially after I told him I want him, and that I want nothing like that from Grace. I take off my clothes and put on a pair of black joggers (tracksuit pants/sweatpants) and crawl into bed, surrounding myself in blankets.

Why does he make me feel so many things? and why do I always make the worst of them? The door creaks open, I know it's him but, he doesn't say anything. He just crawls into bed behind me and pulls my back against his chest but, I wriggle away.

"...River" he mumbles, he sounds so hurt.

"You upset me, Alex," I wriggle away so he can't touch me.

"River... I'm sorry, alright? I just don't want to lose you, and I guess I got scared or jealous of her." I turn around.

"Alex, you don't have me. You haven't done anything but tell me you love me. You haven't done anything to advance anything, and just 'cause I told you I like you doesn't mean you 'have me' alright?" I tuck my chin into my chest and start crying quietly, I can feel the bed shift and he walks out the room.

Absolute prick, why do I even like him? If he really loved me, he would have tried to do something then, but, he doesn't, he just said it to joke with me and maybe, he went along with it so we would stay friends... but, the hugging and cuddling doesn't have an explanation. If that is true, why did he do all that stuff to me? why did he make me feel so amazing to just throw me on the ground like that?

No, I'm not gonna let him do this to me, he doesn't deserve for me to be upset. I march downstairs into the kitchen but, I'm stopped at the top of the stairs as I walk past the bathroom... Alex is crying, wait...I gently knock on the door and he opens it up, wiping the tears from his face.

"River... I'm so sorry I don't want to hurt you, ever. I'm sorry for not doing enough..." I just nod it's hard to forgive him cause he really did hurt me but I don't want to be angry at him

"Go get changed." what!? Now how I dress isn't good enough for him.

"We're going out, okay?" I smile and go back to my room, I need to stop thinking the worst, especially about Alex. He is my best friend as well as the boy whom I want to be in a relationship with as does he for me.

I pick out a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and an old band tee I know that he likes when I put some effort in other than black jeans and plain shirts so I tuck it in and put on a nice olive bomber jacket, I do my hair neatly but spot something left behind on my bed in the mirror, I smile at his scrunched up beanie... I grab it and put it on quickly and laugh quietly.

I think I look cute. After brushing my teeth and putting on my shoes I walk downstairs to see him leant over the counter on his phone in the dark, his screen glowing onto his beautiful face.

"Gorgeous" I whisper out loud once again by accident causing him to look up at me his face immediately lighting up his grin expanding from one ear to the other and blush coating his cheeks. He slowly walks towards me and grabs my by my jacket still smiling.

"What was that?" He asks cheekily

"Nothing" I grin but stand still, being this close to him is so beautiful.

"Ha, is that my beanie mister" I giggle, no I laugh gently

"You left it on my bed and it's cold" he pulls me closer and wraps his arms around my whole body.

"It looks cuter on you, now let's go" ah, I can't believe he said that. I quickly lock up the house and turn off all the lights except some solar lights in the lounge room that we charge up so it looks like someone is home so we don't get robbed. He grabs his bag and keys and we hop in his car, it isn't much but it does the job. I just realise I have no idea where we're going but I know he won't tell me so I don't bother asking, I just sit in my chair and admire his perfect face as he drives.

~edited 22/03/2020~