I'm not going anywhere

7

I wake up and it's still dark.

5:30, I lay still for a bit with my arms wrapped around Alex but I can't get to sleep so I just get in the shower and start getting ready for school. I still don't know what things are going to be like he said he wanted to be all cuddly at school but I don't know what that means whether it's holding hands under the table or walking down the halls with heads in eachothers shoulders. I can't help but think of what people are going to think but they don't matter only Alex does.

I get out and stand in front of the mirror. I'm Alex's boyfriend I'm dating my best friend, he likes me... he loves me. I can't stop smiling, I wrap the towel around my waist and go back to my room to get changed.

"Hey baby" Alex is sat up in bed I smile widely and slip a pair of underwear on under my towel before dropping it and walking over to him.

"Hiya boyfriend" I climb up and sit by him, kissing him on the nose.

"Do we have to go to school?" He moans, I shake my head and laugh whilst walking back to my closet and change into my uniform

"yes we do, now get up and get ready" he just groans and does as I say.

I knock on my brother's door and tell him to get up on y way to the kitchen to make breakfast which is literally some toast and fruit

"oh Goodmorning sweetie" mum rushes over and gives me a massive hug

"how was it while I was gone? invite any girls over?" I just laugh, little does she know

"Nah Alex and I just hangout it was pretty chill I guess" I shove my books into my bag and call up the stairs for the boys to hurry before running back to the toaster to spread butter on the slices to be collected by Willow and Alex on the way out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're walking down the street to get to school and its sprinkling, Most people complain about rain but I love it

"Are you nervous?" I ask I can't keep it in anymore but he quickly turns to me and stands in front of me

"Of what!?" he seems kind of angry, I feel bad now

"River, what are you nervous for?"

"I don't know, I just don't want people to be mean" He places his hands on either side of my shoulders and looks me in the eyes

"River if anyone tries to be mean to you tell me because I never have taken it and I'm not going to start now okay" I nod

"I don't care what they think... only what you do is important," I say gently fiddling with his shirt, he smiles and grabs my hand and continues walking and talking about the most random silly things

We walk for another 15 minutes before we get to the school and meet with the boys Alex let's go of my hand and runs over to the boys like he does everyday so I don't think anything of it so I walk behind and greet the boys too, Alex returns to my side but No one even looks at us differently I don't think anything looks any different to normal he just has his arm over my shoulder I don't know if that's him telling me he doesn't care but is pretend things are normal to everyone else but if it is he can't trick me

" I'm just gonna go to the bathroom okay" I smile and walk off my thoughts are running too quickly I need air I change my path and run outside and stand in the rain not caring that I'm getting wet, I can't breath. I don't know what's happening why am I crying I take four deep breaths and bend down to tie my shoes even though there already done but I read in a book once that if your having a panic attack try to divert your attention or something but it doesn't help much but I take one more breath and look to the sky. The yard is empty everyone is going to class... Shit.