I'm not going anywhere

20

The boys have been out for about half an hour when someone knocks on the door

"Huh" I have no idea who it could be, no one told me they were coming. I dust my self off and make my way to the door I try looking through the glass to see but I can't tell. I'm really nervous but I open it anyway... What the fuck my mouth drops open in shock

"D..dad?" I haven't seen him for 6 years, and now he's stood at my front door

"Hey River..." I don't know how to feel, he left when I was 11 and never came back there wasn't some big thing

"I know it's too late to say sorry but I have to, I love you boys and I needed you to know"

"Then why'd you leave...." I'm so confused and overwhelmed I wasn't expecting this at all

"Your mother and I fell out and she wanted me to leave, how are you mate?" I feel sick and I'm home all alone, he's stood there water dripping from his hair because of the rain he must have been outside for awhile

"Uh... Let me get you a towel" I close the door and run off to get one as quick as I can so he isn't waiting too long, I want to message Alex but I know he is spending the day with his mum so I don't, I just go back to the door, open it and give him the towel.

"Thanks bud"

"Uh do you uh want to come in?" He nods and I bring him to the table, I don't know what to do this is so awkward.

"Is your mother here?" Oh

"She's gone away it's just me Will and Alex"

"Alex lives here?" I nod I'm surprised he still remembers him

"They are out right now, where have you been?" He sighs before looking up at me

"I've been living in Ireland...." What the fuck

"That's so close you could have called or sent a letter or something that's a one and a half hour flight dad, why?"

"I know I just thought it would be easier for you kids if I was just gone you wouldn't have as much drama"

"Dad I was 11 it's not like I was little I was fully aware of what had happened I spent 6 of my teenage years without a father and you show up now telling me you lived an hour away what the fuck" he still hasn't given me a good enough excuse

"I know and I'm sorry okay it's just I know you wouldn't want to hop between and that eventually you would get used to me being gone and you would live your life"

"I've practically grown up without parents mum is gone most of the time and when she's not she's working, I'm fine with it now but I had to learn to cook and to clean all myself, how to run a house..."

"Well from the looks of it your doing a good job"

"Thanks but why are you here" I haven't sat down, I'm still stood lent against the wall.

"I'm here for a conference and I wanted to see you and your brother, catch up" I don't know how to feel, I don't know if I want Willow to see him because if His anger issues he is just getting better and I don't want to set him back just to catch up with his dad.

"I don't think Willow should know that your here dad" he looks up at me quickly with confusion coating his face

"What?" He stands up and looks at me.

"Dad Willow has been really bad and he's just getting better I don't want to set him back..." I tuck the chair in and start walking towards the door

"Bad with what"

"You don't remember? He has really bad anger issues and he's been really good lately he's just got into a relationship and he's doing really well he hasn't come home bruised and bloody since he got with Harri..." Oh my god as soon as I said his name I felt terrible and scared

"A boy?" I feel so bad

"He's dating a boy?"

"Yes" I close my eyes

"And your okay with this?"

"Well yeah"

"And your mother?"

"She doesn't know, and you can't tell her"

"Don't tell her bud" he looks at me

"What?"

"She won't like it" I can feel my heart breaking I never thought my mum would feel that way

"She's always been real proper about stuff like that....." I can feel my eyes watering up

"Dad I have a boyfriend" I can feel my tears running down my cheeks

"I'm so sorry son" he pulls me into a hug, I feel like shit

"I didn't know..."

"Don't worry about her"

"Ok" he opens the door and sighs

"Well I hope to see you again one day... And I'll keep to your wishes about Will" he gives me one more hug and leaves

"Thankyou" he runs off into the rain and like that he's gone.

I just want to break, I have never felt so weak in my life. My mother is going to hate me and my father wasn't who she said she was. I lock the door and climb up to my room, I can't even think about what I was doing, my mum is homophobic and my little brothers gay and I'm in love with Alex, a boy.

I can hardly breath between sobs, I haven't cried this hard since... Since I realised dad wasn't coming back.

__

I've been curled up in bed for about an hour or two, I can't really tell but I've decided to have a shower. I pull off my clothes and out them in the basket and walk into the bathroom, I stare at my self in the mirror

"Faggot" I'm angry at myself why did I have to be such a disappointment why couldn't I be normal and love girls

"I hate you" I spit at myself, my breaths are thick and short between sobs, I climb into the shower and let the water run down my back.

"But I love him" I whisper to myself I couldn't leave him, I don't care what she thinks. He is here more than she is I don't need her anyway.

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